I think it just made me completely re-evaluate my life. I’ve never been money orientated, but I did have a “good job” and I definately worked on progressing my career, although I never defined myself by my job
Now I’m very much working just enough to cover the bills, all I actually want is time. Time to visit with friends. Time to sit and talk. Time to just think.
I’m one of those who didn’t have a great relationship with my mum, but I’d worked hard to make it better and it was much better for about ten years (ish). Then dementia took that away and I had the last years full of conflict and pain. I’ve learnt a lot about myself, but I’ve also come to accept that my mum was a product of her upbringing and the social pressures of her time.
It’s the lost years, the lost opportunities, the lost chances to make things better, to heal the earlier years. I can never forget the pain of my mum telling me she didn’t want me, or that she never hugged us as children, but I sort of get it ... she wasn’t maternal, but did her best
Dementia is cruel. It robs one person of their memories and taints the memories of the other. I try to think of taking mum on holiday, seeing her laugh, getting her in the pool. Dancing her along the corridor, while singing “lets go for a little walk” and how she laughed at me being silly with the rolator on the seafront
Memories of her crying in pain, the district nurse running to the pharmacy for morphine her GP had failed to prescribe are the memories I hide from. Those I can’t face.
I’ve found I have massive empathy for dementia sufferers, I won’t lie to them. I refuse to tell them it will all be ok. But I do hold hands, talk and tease them, make them laugh. I let them cry, but I hold their hands while they do. It’s an unbelievably cruel disease, with moments of crystal clarity that floors me, but I hope my hand holding and listening is helping at least one person.
I never focused on what I wouId do “after”, as that was like wishing mum wouId die. I knew it wouId come, but I couldn’t think about it. I guess everyone finds a different was to get through it, a different way of coping. Personally, I switched off from the outside world. I barely saw anyone, my brother and my neighbour J, but others I avoided. I could go for for or five days without talking to anyone but Pooch
You will find your path
@Marnie63, accept whatever help there is in the “real world”, but we are here too