Hi everyone as the title of this thread suggests I am at loggerheads with my sister and brother-in-law.
Some background first my mother who is coming up to 90 lives alone in her own home with carer visits 4 times a day. She is self-funding and would be self-funding in a care home for probably up to about 8 or 9 years. She has moderately severe Alzheimer's and is completely incapable of doing anything for herself so is completely reliant on the care agency . She is incontinent but refuses to wear the pads on most occasions the carers do try but it's a difficult struggle . She phones both my sister and I continually in the evening she often refuses to get into bed when the carer is trying to persuade her in the night and sometimes she sleeps in the chair overnight fully clothed. She is verbally aggressive to myself and other family members often using foul language.
My sister and I have power of attorney both for finance health and welfare jointly and severally. Up to this point recently we have been jogging along muddling through to a certain extent. Both of us have a very poor relationship with my mother over the years she has been emotionally abusive to myself ,her daughter and son-in-law and has generally wracked people off over the years.
I have been reluctant to go down the care home route because I have felt until recently that she is better off at home. I feel I deserve some of her money when she finally passes away and I bitterly resent the fact that her money and her property will have to be used for care home fees. I know obviously that everyone is in the same boat with the system that we have have but inwardly I rage over the whole scenario.
The situation has deteriorated quickly over the last few months. My mother has taken to throwing incontinence pads, food and clothes at the carers when they arrive . Here is the nub my brother-in-law who takes no interest in my mother and is not an attorney has suddenly taken it upon himself to persuade my sister that our mother should go into a home. He refuses to go and see my mother when my sister goes over there and refuses to have our mother stay with them. Both my sister and brother-in-law have been out without my knowledge to look at local care homes.
When I finally found out this happened there was a huge row of course between myself my sister and my brother-in-law. Now my brother-in-law tells me that as my sister has power of attorney jointly and severally she can in fact sort out a care home without my input or objection. My sister deals totally with all the finance side pays all my mother's bills and sort out everything with the care agency . I deal with the day centres that my mother attends and also with all the shopping. Is there any way legally I can persuade my sister that this is not the right thing to do
Some background first my mother who is coming up to 90 lives alone in her own home with carer visits 4 times a day. She is self-funding and would be self-funding in a care home for probably up to about 8 or 9 years. She has moderately severe Alzheimer's and is completely incapable of doing anything for herself so is completely reliant on the care agency . She is incontinent but refuses to wear the pads on most occasions the carers do try but it's a difficult struggle . She phones both my sister and I continually in the evening she often refuses to get into bed when the carer is trying to persuade her in the night and sometimes she sleeps in the chair overnight fully clothed. She is verbally aggressive to myself and other family members often using foul language.
My sister and I have power of attorney both for finance health and welfare jointly and severally. Up to this point recently we have been jogging along muddling through to a certain extent. Both of us have a very poor relationship with my mother over the years she has been emotionally abusive to myself ,her daughter and son-in-law and has generally wracked people off over the years.
I have been reluctant to go down the care home route because I have felt until recently that she is better off at home. I feel I deserve some of her money when she finally passes away and I bitterly resent the fact that her money and her property will have to be used for care home fees. I know obviously that everyone is in the same boat with the system that we have have but inwardly I rage over the whole scenario.
The situation has deteriorated quickly over the last few months. My mother has taken to throwing incontinence pads, food and clothes at the carers when they arrive . Here is the nub my brother-in-law who takes no interest in my mother and is not an attorney has suddenly taken it upon himself to persuade my sister that our mother should go into a home. He refuses to go and see my mother when my sister goes over there and refuses to have our mother stay with them. Both my sister and brother-in-law have been out without my knowledge to look at local care homes.
When I finally found out this happened there was a huge row of course between myself my sister and my brother-in-law. Now my brother-in-law tells me that as my sister has power of attorney jointly and severally she can in fact sort out a care home without my input or objection. My sister deals totally with all the finance side pays all my mother's bills and sort out everything with the care agency . I deal with the day centres that my mother attends and also with all the shopping. Is there any way legally I can persuade my sister that this is not the right thing to do
