You sound exhausted & I can’t imagine how awful you feel at this moment in time.Wonder of wonders I have contacted the agency who saw him earlier this year and they have offered me two two-hour visits so I am hoping to start that next week. Oh @Mudgee Joy I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t get it all out here. Days go by in a ghastly version of Groundhog Day and then there is a mini crisis. He can eat and chew perfectly well but just won’t because he is not hungry and can’t summon up the energy. I have to virtually or actually feed him every mouthful and every drop of drink. He is skeletal now so no wonder he has no strength. No way could we go to our favourite pub for fish and chips and beer. Must try to buck up a bit now but have been up and down the stairs more times this morning than I ever have been before. Probably the only exercise I shall get today!
@Grahamstown Dad is still in bed and thinking about getting up. He got up at 1.30 yesterday so I am hopeful that he will be earlier today but as it is already 1.10 I am not hopeful. Other than that he is fine.
@Mudgee Joy Dad has been on soft food for ages, rice pudding etc with added cream. I had fish last night, not battered or with chips just a piece of smoked mackerel and he badgered me for a piece. I foolishly gave in. He ate 2 bites and was promptly full up and spent the next couple of hours burping and being uncomfortable. I won't relent again.
On a brighter note, I have just had a 2 week holiday, the first in over 2 years. I went with a friend. My brother and his family really put themselves out to cover me along with a good bit of help from my husband who really was not up to coming away because the holiday was a bit of a mad and quiet hard trip to make. I keep putting things off because I know or hope that I can do them later but this trip was a here and now thing and would not be repeated so I went although the decision to go was made the day before we left. I am so glad that I went as it did me the world of good and I feel so much better. I am back looking after dad now and planning the next one off trip in 2 years time. Will I still be here looking after dad then, who knows.
@Grahamstown I think dad is getting up now because he just asked me where his pants are, they are right in front of him and he has 2 minutes to get up and beat his time of yesterday.
I couldn’t do what you do. Really - hats off to you. My Dad before he went into CH would get up for me but not for Mum.
Mum meanwhile has always had a fondness to taking to her bed-
If someone looked at her the wrong way, if she felt she wasn’t centre of attention, if you didn’t agree with her or any independent thought that didn’t suit .....
Off to bed she went!
For days....
oh & if you argued with her well it could be the silent treatment & bed for weeks!
I kid not!
At least with carers the PWD seems to respond more positively to direction.
Hi @Duggi@DesperateofDevon Dad is a sweetie really and I appreciate that I have it easy compared to many on here. He is polite, compliant and still thoughtful which is very unusual apparently but he has no short-term memory and if I leave the room and come back in he wonders where I have came from.
He is still amazingly witty as well so we do have a laugh and a joke but this life is very very boring and I did not expect him to last this long. 16 months ago he was diagnosed with an advanced cancer and palliative treatment only, his team were talking about hospice and morphine patches which frightened the life out of me and gave me the impression that he was dying so I decided to make things nice for him in his final months and keep him at home, as you do.
Well here we are looking at another Christmas and I am sure he will still be here.
I read your post @DesperateofDevon and that is a lot to cope with and I agree, stepping back is your best option. I am very lucky in that dad's GP is marvellous and all his hospital consultants have been just as good.
Hope things improve for you.
It has been a very difficult couple of days and I have felt very exhausted, mentally, today but I have got a bit of help organised, got some food into him and the supplements plus the Movicol so I hope his system will function properly now. I could have waited for a district nurse but I would have to have waited and now I have unblocked him he is more comfortable. By the end of the day I just got him into bed and went out for a restorative walk, and my daughter called and that always helps. She has been on holiday for ten days so it was lovely to get her call. I went round to the office to put the paperwork in for the care worker and it was at a nearby care home which I had overlooked. They showed me round and for one moment I thought how wonderful it would be if someone else could take over for a short time. They were very welcoming and have respite beds so that is a definite option. As mudgee said, it wears you down does caring for a person with dementia, and I have felt it over the past couple of days. I have readjusted the menu and if he is up long enough to eat, it is working, it’s just not much to get his system to work.You sound exhausted & I can’t imagine how awful you feel at this moment in time
Very sad xPleased to hear you are less stressed & you sound in a better place today.
Some people like to problem solve, but with dementia it effects everybody differently. My Dad has benefitted from CH activities. Infact he has a better quality of life now than Mum ( still in own home as she requests) who isn’t as far down the dementia path as him.
How sad is that