Hello all my fellow posters.
I want to write this while it’s still fresh. I did a stupid thing this evening. I looked at photos of my wife and me when we were younger, my vibrant wife, one who loved me and I think I took for granted. She was so beautiful and intelligent, articulate and witty. All those things that make for a wonderful marriage. All memories are personal, of course, but it’s cruel when you know that person is gone and never to return. No pills, therapy or treatment can make it better.
So for the horrible things I say about her deep down I still love her and hate the VD condition.
She doesn’t recognise me as her husband now which makes things a thousand times worse. Because I’ve no one to comfort me as a wife would. No hugs or kisses now. I’ve only just stopped crying and at one point I couldn’t get my breath so it frightened me as I’ve never been that bad before even when I was going through a bad divorce. And I do have no one and like a lot of us we go through this cruelty alone when all it would take is for someone to put their arms around our shoulder and reassure us.
In some ways, if she was dead, at least I wouldn’t be constantly reminded of the cruelty of it all. There’s a vacancy of emotions now, she doesn’t recognise that I’m upset.
Perhaps one day I’ll look at our photo albums and not sob my heart out. Until then I’ll avoid them I think.
I want to write this while it’s still fresh. I did a stupid thing this evening. I looked at photos of my wife and me when we were younger, my vibrant wife, one who loved me and I think I took for granted. She was so beautiful and intelligent, articulate and witty. All those things that make for a wonderful marriage. All memories are personal, of course, but it’s cruel when you know that person is gone and never to return. No pills, therapy or treatment can make it better.
So for the horrible things I say about her deep down I still love her and hate the VD condition.
She doesn’t recognise me as her husband now which makes things a thousand times worse. Because I’ve no one to comfort me as a wife would. No hugs or kisses now. I’ve only just stopped crying and at one point I couldn’t get my breath so it frightened me as I’ve never been that bad before even when I was going through a bad divorce. And I do have no one and like a lot of us we go through this cruelty alone when all it would take is for someone to put their arms around our shoulder and reassure us.
In some ways, if she was dead, at least I wouldn’t be constantly reminded of the cruelty of it all. There’s a vacancy of emotions now, she doesn’t recognise that I’m upset.
Perhaps one day I’ll look at our photo albums and not sob my heart out. Until then I’ll avoid them I think.