My Memory Pot and other moments.

[Grahamstown]

I think my memory pot has got a crack in it because I have just made an error. I had it in my calendar to meet friends in London and asked my daughter if she was free. She said she was so I booked a ticket for something I wanted to see in the afternoon after our lunch and told the others. I got puzzled emails back saying that they had all arranged to come to my town because of my difficulties with care. I had completely forgotten about the conversation which took place before I went away for respite. No excuse except I didn’t have a written confirmation. Two points here, one, they didn’t consult me about the new arrangement and two, coming to me didn’t actually help because I would still have to get someone to look after him. So a well intentioned move backfired because I forgot. It could be Freudian because deep down I had it in mind that I really wanted to go to the exhibition (Sorolla Painter of Light, if you are interested) because I cannot get to them any more, and going to meet them as I thought was a good reason to be able to go. So I just went ahead. I feel that I have hardened a bit since I had a break, I don’t feel I have to conform any more and I knew deep down that I would be doing what the others wanted to do anyway because we always do. It’s a good example of well intentioned gestures not actually meeting needs.

 

[Agzy]

I think my memory pot has got a crack in it because I have just made an error. I had it in my calendar to meet friends in London and asked my daughter if she was free. She said she was so I booked a ticket for something I wanted to see in the afternoon after our lunch and told the others. I got puzzled emails back saying that they had all arranged to come to my town because of my difficulties with care. I had completely forgotten about the conversation which took place before I went away for respite. No excuse except I didn’t have a written confirmation. Two points here, one, they didn’t consult me about the new arrangement and two, coming to me didn’t actually help because I would still have to get someone to look after him. So a well intentioned move backfired because I forgot. It could be Freudian because deep down I had it in mind that I really wanted to go to the exhibition (Sorolla Painter of Light, if you are interested) because I cannot get to them any more, and going to meet them as I thought was a good reason to be able to go. So I just went ahead. I feel that I have hardened a bit since I had a break, I don’t feel I have to conform any more and I knew deep down that I would be doing what the others wanted to do anyway because we always do. It’s a good example of well intentioned gestures not actually meeting needs.

@Grahamestown, Good intentions hey, and know what you mean by hardening to them when ill judged or not helpful and sometimes the opposite.

 

[Agzy]

Recently we have been helping one of her nieces move from the family home, and yesterday, along with the niece, we spent nearly three hours browsing through their photo albums and it was amazing how clear Paulines memories were arising from them. She regaled us with stories of back then and had us in stiches and, for that brief period of time, there was no Alzheimer’s just us being happy. A day to treasure.

 

[Grannie G]

She regaled us with stories of back then and had us in stiches and, for that brief period of time, there was no Alzheimer’s just us being happy. A day to treasure.

Wonderful !

 

[Grahamstown]

Recently we have been helping one of her nieces move from the family home, and yesterday, along with the niece, we spent nearly three hours browsing through their photo albums and it was amazing how clear Paulines memories were arising from them. She regaled us with stories of back then and had us in stiches and, for that brief period of time, there was no Alzheimer’s just us being happy. A day to treasure.

I have my husband’s youthful photo albums on a tipping table, so he doesn’t have to hold them, and he absolutely loves looking at them and reminiscing so I agree with you about the brief glimpse of normal conversation.

I went off for the afternoon yesterday to an event and my son came to be with him and when I got home at nearly 7pm they were sitting side by side watching The Planets on iPlayer. It was such a happy sight that I felt happy too. Also I had had a lovely lunch and tea at my day out! Following my respite break, I feel much less ‘imprisoned’. Somehow I have a bit more steel and more patience with the idiocies and I think this helps him too.

 

[Agzy]

I have my husband’s youthful photo albums on a tipping table, so he doesn’t have to hold them, and he absolutely loves looking at them and reminiscing so I agree with you about the brief glimpse of normal conversation.

I went off for the afternoon yesterday to an event and my son came to be with him and when I got home at nearly 7pm they were sitting side by side watching The Planets on iPlayer. It was such a happy sight that I felt happy too. Also I had had a lovely lunch and tea at my day out! Following my respite break, I feel much less ‘imprisoned’. Somehow I have a bit more steel and more patience with the idiocies and I think this helps him too.

Always good to get ‘me’ time

 

[Agzy]

Good morning @Agzy

It seems I have a similar hearing loss to you. My husband was given a sensor which could be worn as a bracelet or clipped to his waistband and was connected to my care line. If he fell it would trigger the alarm.

It didn`t work for us because he `found` it and played with it but is there the slimmest chance it would work for your wife.

I did buy a lanyard alarm which needs the receiver to be within 30 feet of the pendant but she absolutely refuses to wear it as she refuses to wear the safety ‘velcro’ slippers I bought preferring to wear ordinary slippers but stands Down the heels which make them so dangerous @Grannie G. There is just no way I can get her to cooperate on safety issues so constantly worrying.

 

[Grannie G]

My husband also flattened the backs of slippers to wear them like mules.

@Agzy. You can only try your best. If your wife doesn`t understand safety issues there's little more you can do.

 

[Agzy]

With trepidation I am off in our tourer caravan today and leaving Pauline on her own but neighbours and family on had should they be needed. This is my one way of me getting respite and will see a grandson and great granddaughter I only see once a year. Also having 3 nights at a 1950s Musical extravaganza camping weekend in the Midlands and home on Sunday. For over 25 years we did all this together but not really an option now as strangers and crowds cause problems. Hey ho, hope the weather improves!

 

[Palerider]

Enjoy Agzy, hope there's some sunshine

 

[Grannie G]

I hope you have a good and relaxing period of respite @Agzy.

 

[Agzy]

Well, my visit to grandson and his family went very well and the 1950s music first night with an Elvis56 tribute which was my era. Even got asked to jive by a couple of lady members of the club I'm in, fantastic night and a long long time since I've seen so many couples jiving or indeed jived so much. Pauline is fine and was taken out shopping by her grandsons partner today which has cheered her up no end.

 

[big l]

It was suggested on here the other day that I should start my own thread and I have been trying to come up with a title and here it is. It came about from a birthday gift from my daughter of a plastic pot full of slips of paper upon which she had jotted down memories of her youth and my role in it and so I named it my Memory Pot. I have also been keeping a journal, as many do, and mine is now 4 years in the telling since Pauline’s diagnosis with Alzheimer’s disease and that too is a sort of Memory Pot, although lots are not pleasant to read back as I have just found out. Some bits however are funny and even help me see how I have changed during this journey. Reading this paragraph back seems like a Ureeka moment somehow and so it begins my own thread.

Monday 17th July 2017

It must be awful to have this disease and knowing what's coming and when confusions and mix ups happen and preparing a meal goes all wrong and obvious things can't be remembered at all, which makes me feel worse for being so short tempered and helpless. I know she tries her best and can't help herself and somehow I have to learn to cope with it all but genuinely I can't see how it can be taught never mind learned. I keep thinking it's about respite but to be honest it's not just a real rest I need but to be able to return from it and suddenly be able to deal with it all, which I know is an impossibility.
Again I've realised I am using this journal to have conversations with myself as I have no one else and feeling sorry for myself. When I began this journal it started out as a dispassionate recording of how the condition develops never dreaming how it would really affect both our lives. An example is how I quickly and confidently made changes in the house, got the PoA’s in to place and our wills made. Somehow I missed the point that this is primarily a mental issue and physical challenges are easy to sort as against the mood swings, forgetfulness and lack of affection and even dealing with the public when something embarrassing happens. Well that's my moans over for today and I would say sorry but who to?

Just love to you. I'm there too. x

 

[Agzy]

Just love to you. I'm there too. x

@big l Just got home and all is well although my little off legs are a bit wobbly after the dancing. My Teddy Boy jacket also got a airing on Saturday night. Hope you enjoyed it also.

 

[Agzy]

Funny old thing this Alzheimer’s, yesterday my slippers made too much noise for her, she then said I was always closing doors too loudly and that it was cold and why wasn't the heating coming on etc etc. Today all is calm and ‘normal’. Talk about ups and downs, mind you if that is the worst of my worries I am lucky although it can be wearing when it is day in and day out.

 

[Agzy]

Well yesterday was my birthday and it was special with family visiting, lots of cards and even 9 holes of golf with my youngest son. The icing on the cake, so to speak, was after our evening meal Pauline wondered off to the kitchen and returned with a chocolate cake and 6 lighted candles in it and she sang Happy Birthday to me. It was just like the dementia had never happened, wonderful end to a wonderful day.

 

[Grannie G]

Fantastic @Agzy. These pockets of `normality` are worth their weight in gold.

Belated Birthday wishes from me too.

 

[Izzy]

Well yesterday was my birthday and it was special with family visiting, lots of cards and even 9 holes of golf with my youngest son. The icing on the cake, so to speak, was after our evening meal Pauline wondered off to the kitchen and returned with a chocolate cake and 6 lighted candles in it and she sang Happy Birthday to me. It was just like the dementia had never happened, wonderful end to a wonderful day.

Oh how brilliant! A memory to cherish. A belated happupy burthday from me too.

 

[Agzy]

Thank you and somehow the fact that she asked me our individual ages several times today (today calendar wise I am 1 year older than her but only 9 months between us in reality) makes yesterday all the more memorable.

 

[Agzy]

A lovely day weather wise today which means it has been the day to take her on our regular cemetery run to visit, clear and redecorate the 7 graves she tends. Included are her husband and two sons so such a shock though as, for the first time she not only forgot where some of them were but also who is interned in each, so so sad.