My father in law is 84 and is caring for 84 yrs old mum with dementia, she is totally reliant on him, she can not do anything for her self apart from just about manage to drink a cuppa and eats with her fingers as she can not manage a knife and fork etc, she it's fully incontinent and sleeps a lot, she has recently become very aggressive with dad, throws things at him screams and shouts at him, she will not be washed or dressed or have hair brushed etc, he helps her from the bed to the chair and she sits watching TV for short time then wants bed again, he has coped pretty well until this week when we visited (we live 200 miles away and visit every 4 weeks.) we were shocked how he has deteriorated in such a short time he's unclean, the house is dirty,the house has been in decline for a while now, and at 84 we didn't expect him to keep it a clean as they used to, but it's gotten quite bad now, we try to help we offer to come and stay and do jobs for him, we offer to sit with mum while he has a break, we have suggested getting him some help or a carers to assist with bathing mum, he's totally in denial, he thinks he's coping but it's obvious now that he isn't coping, we have tried everything to make him accept some kind of help, he refuses any suggestions we make, he won't allow anyone to wash mum he says she won't like it, he refuses to leave her with anyone saying again she won't like it, we feel that we should call social services but knowing that if we do, he will never let us in the house again, he would never forgive us, im so worried that if we carry on letting him think ''he's coping well '' there's going to be a terrible accident, mum threw a dining chair at him last week, which just missed his face, we have seen bruises on his arms he insists he doesn't know how he got them, what do we do?? Do we wait or do we try again to reason with him, do we go against his wishes, we love them dearly but this can not continue much longer.