Well OH isn't talking to me for the past 5 days all because he says I killed the grass,this no talking has made me reflect wether I'm truly able to walk this path,I have found that today has been spent crying and wishing a different life .we are only at the beginning of the journey so I dread the rest of it .My mind is not in the right place for this would running away make me a bad person? HELP
I have killed the grass
- Thread starter rubiemarie
- Start date
Bless you - I know exactly how you feel. My mind has not been in the right place for the last 3 or 4 years, and I want to run away. My favourite hobby ( as we rent) is looking at where in the country I can afford to rent somewhere - and I like to look at houses I cannot afford as well!
You might find that things clarify a little - I find the weekends and bank holidays awful, as we go nowhere , see no one and there are no buses out of the village.
Weekdays at least there is the postman to say 'hello' to and the Tesco delivery man - they are my new friends......
Have a good cry, it might make you feel better - but look at the overall picture, there just might be something you can change, somewhere for the better.
I have always been a cup is half full rather than half empty - but I think the cup has sprung a leak..... and that is how you are feeling too.
Just remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE we are all here for you and each other...... on this most awful, awful journey.
You might find that things clarify a little - I find the weekends and bank holidays awful, as we go nowhere , see no one and there are no buses out of the village.
Weekdays at least there is the postman to say 'hello' to and the Tesco delivery man - they are my new friends......
Have a good cry, it might make you feel better - but look at the overall picture, there just might be something you can change, somewhere for the better.
I have always been a cup is half full rather than half empty - but I think the cup has sprung a leak..... and that is how you are feeling too.
Just remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE we are all here for you and each other...... on this most awful, awful journey.
It’s a pity we don’t live near each other we could meet up for coffee. I find the bank holidays lonely. I wish I had not given up my part time job and organised carers as at least I would have people to talk to 3 days per week. I keep thinking of looking for somewhere to rent but can’t afford it now I don’t work!
I am sure most of us at sometime have wondered if we are up for the challenges that each day/night bring, and all the changes that occur as we travel the stages, some similiar and some very different and all l can say is be kind to yourself and tell yourself it is ok to have all the doubts and fears and when it feels overwhelming, come here, midnight or midday, you will find support like nothing you can imagine, you are not alone, x
Oh we are in the same boat.... The TV went on at volume 50 at 10.00am by 6.00pm I had had enough of hearing The Chase quiz from long ago in the past - game after game after game - 8 hours of it. I managed to get control of the TV long enough to catch up with the news, and watch Antiques Roadshow, and Gentleman Jack - now he is back on the old quizzes with Who Wants to be a Millionaire - I am going to bed....... so fed up.
I try to work from home, but can't concentrate - in between the quizzes today I have spent 2.5 hours playing scrabble with him and had 3 games of 'motorcars' - I feel as though I am going completely round the bend...... Wish we could have a coffee....
We are almost five years down the track since OH's diagnosis with Alzheimer's and there are times when I would cheerfully walk away from it all even now. You sound as if you are still trying to come to terms with it all and believe me that as your OH goes through different phases, you will find that you do too. Some days will be easier than others and some of us on TP talk about it like being on a roller coaster.
Before you make any decision about running away, perhaps you could have a chat with your GP and tell them how you are feeling and see if they can help.
I don't know if you are getting some help but someone with more knowledge than I will be along soon to point you in the right direction. Give yourself a little time before you make any hasty decisions.
This speaks very loud and clear to me, I was sent to Coventry for six days for putting the special saucepan in the dishwasher. And this was before I even dreamed of Alz. and two years before he went for a scan. I want to raise a vote for the running away. I think this site is wonderful with magnificent people sacrificing themselves in a most selfless way, but I cannot behave like that. I can't and I won't. I am creating a life where I have other places to live as well as the marital home so I have bolt holes which I use every week or so. I am maintaining friends who are my friends and dont expect me to stay home, and since my husband is in denial about his symptoms and behaviour I just let them go, be as patient and as kind as I can be, and know that next week I will be staying with my daughter. For me, running away is a regular occurrence which I am building into our life together so that I can bear it and continue it, and I encourage my husband to go to courses and classes so that he is not dependent on me for company. Obviously, he is not as ill as your husband is, and I am so sorry for your situation, but I do urge you to see if you can find somewhere that you can 'run away' to, even if it is for an afternoon. You have a life too. (and yes, I do feel terribly guilty!)
