Residential care

[JMVcarer]

2 months in, mum doesn't like being in a home, she has mixed dementia 2 1/2 years in.
It's lovely, as are the staff. I, her son, could not continue looking after her at home, even with 4 carers calling a day.
She tells me to "****** off", go and rot in hell.
She's not the same person

 

[karaokePete]

Welcome to the forum @Graham Bircj. You have come to the right place for support and information.

Sometimes family don’t get the true picture when they visit a relative in a Care Home. It’s worth talking to the staff to check on how your mum is when she doesn’t have visitors as it’s sometimes found that they are reasonably happy and content.

 

[JMVcarer]

Welcome to the forum @Graham Bircj. You have come to the right place for support and information.

Sometimes family don’t get the true picture when they visit a relative in a Care Home. It’s worth talking to the staff to check on how your mum is when she doesn’t have visitors as it’s sometimes found that they are reasonably happy and content.

Thx

 

[nellbelles]

Hello @Graham Bircj and welcome to the forum from me also
My husband always said no one spoke to him, I went in one day and watched his interaction with the other residents it was an eye opener
I hope this improve soon.
Now you have found us I hope you will continue to post

 

[J53]

Hello Graham Bircj
It's hard when a loved one uses language they would never use my father is in a home with end stage dementia I live about 5 hours away I visited a few weeks ago with my children and he told my 12 year old to f off as I said to him it's not grandad anymore he would never use that language but the disease in his brain is cruel to him and those who love him. Stay strong x

 

[JMVcarer]

Hello Graham Bircj
It's hard when a loved one uses language they would never use my father is in a home with end stage dementia I live about 5 hours away I visited a few weeks ago with my children and he told my 12 year old to f off as I said to him it's not grandad anymore he would never use that language but the disease in his brain is cruel to him and those who love him. Stay strong x

Thx

 

[Rosettastone57]

2 months in, mum doesn't like being in a home, she has mixed dementia 2 1/2 years in.
It's lovely, as are the staff. I, her son, could not continue looking after her at home, even with 4 carers calling a day.
She tells me to "****** off", go and rot in hell.
She's not the same person

My mother-in-law had mixed dementia and eventually ended up in a care home after a crisis when she went into hospital . She was rude aggressive and unpleasant to family members even before the dementia diagnosis. With dementia, it became even worse. We used to get abuse and her shouting at us on visits at the home. She used to say she had nothing to do and no one spoke to her. The care home had a Facebook page and there she was in one of their photos, smiling taking part in a craft activity. We had been used to her lies before the dementia diagnosis, so this photo came as no surprise

 

[JMVcarer]

My mother-in-law had mixed dementia and eventually ended up in a care home after a crisis when she went into hospital . She was rude aggressive and unpleasant to family members even before the dementia diagnosis. With dementia, it became even worse. We used to get abuse and her shouting at us on visits at the home. She used to say she had nothing to do and no one spoke to her. The care home had a Facebook page and there she was in one of their photos, smiling taking part in a craft activity. We had been used to her lies before the dementia diagnosis, so this photo came as no surprise

Thx for that

 

[JMVcarer]

Hello @Graham Bircj and welcome to the forum from me also
My husband always said no one spoke to him, I went in one day and watched his interaction with the other residents it was an eye opener
I hope this improve soon.
Now you have found us I hope you will continue to post

Yes, thanks I will

 

[JMVcarer]

My mother-in-law had mixed dementia and eventually ended up in a care home after a crisis when she went into hospital . She was rude aggressive and unpleasant to family members even before the dementia diagnosis. With dementia, it became even worse. We used to get abuse and her shouting at us on visits at the home. She used to say she had nothing to do and no one spoke to her. The care home had a Facebook page and there she was in one of their photos, smiling taking part in a craft activity. We had been used to her lies before the dementia diagnosis, so this photo came as no surprise

Thx

 

[canary]

She's not the same person

No, shes not is she. I often had to remind myself that it was the dementia talking.

BTW - are you trying to explain why she is in the care home? If so, you are doomed to failure, because she wont be able to understand it - in her mind she is quite capable of doing everything and if you are suggesting otherwise, then you must be a really horrible person, and the son from hell!!! I found with my mum that it was best to be "economical with the truth" and I told her that it was up to the doctor - she could go home when the doctor said so.

 

[JMVcarer]

My mother-in-law had mixed dementia and eventually ended up in a care home after a crisis when she went into hospital . She was rude aggressive and unpleasant to family members even before the dementia diagnosis. With dementia, it became even worse. We used to get abuse and her shouting at us on visits at the home. She used to say she had nothing to do and no one spoke to her. The care home had a Facebook page and there she was in one of their photos, smiling taking part in a craft activity. We had been used to her lies before the dementia diagnosis, so this photo came as no surprise

Thx

 

[JMVcarer]

No, shes not is she. I often had to remind myself that it was the dementia talking.

BTW - are you trying to explain why she is in the care home? If so, you are doomed to failure, because she wont be able to understand it - in her mind she is quite capable of doing everything and if you are suggesting otherwise, then you must be a really horrible person, and the son from hell!!! I found with my mum that it was best to be "economical with the truth" and I told her that it was up to the doctor - she could go home when the doctor said so.

Thx, I think

 

[canary]

Thx, I think

I may not have expressed myself very well - when I said

if you are suggesting otherwise, then you must be a really horrible person, and the son from hell!!!

I didnt mean you really are - I meant that this is how your mum is thinking, because she is unable to understand the reality of her situation

 

[JMVcarer]

I may not have expressed myself very well - when I said

I didnt mean you really are - I meant that this is how your mum is thinking, because she is unable to understand the reality of her situation

Yes, I'm with you