SW had done her home work. She had spoken to the respite care home and OH's GP to get their opinion as to where OH is at now. She firstly ran through all the usual suggestions - an extra day at day care, a raised seat for the toilet, more use of respite care, carers coming in to wash and dress OH and put him to bed, etc. She stressed that having the carers is usually the next step before considering a care home. I explained again that carers at a fixed time would not help as his sleeping times are so variable, also that they could wash and dress him at 9.00 am and he could be wet and/or dirty by 9.30 and I would have to do it all again anyway. She questioned in great detail how I manage to get him in and out of bed, etc. and said that I should not be doing that singlehanded, but again, if a carer came to assist for, say a 9.oopm bedtime, he would be up and down at least 3 times during the night and I would have to cope alone then.
She thinks we have a case for full time residential care, mainly based on OH needing attention several times during the night as reported by the carers at respite and will compile a report which has to go to a panel who will decide if a care home is necessary. Still urging me to accept carers coming in during the day meantime, to relieve me of some of the toiletting, and heavy lifting. The thought of these strangers coming at fixed times fills me with dread. They will soon see how badly I am coping, which is I suppose a good thing, but very hard to accept that I am failing to keep up standards re hygiene, etc. and am often grumpy with OH.
Daughter thinks that I should give it a try, if only to prove that OH needs more help. Any advice from those here who have been at this stage?