Everything you're saying is absolutely normal. My husband's in a memory care home, awaiting diagnosis. I'm at home alone and I feel like I'm grieving - cry every time I see something of his. My problem is that when we get the diagnosis report (end of month) there is a possibility that he'll come home. Part of me is terrified of that prospect because he gets terribly agitated and rather nasty at around 5.pm (when I flee) and part of me is telling myself of course he should come home. If he does, I know that's the end of my life as I know it. :-( I would like to find him a nice place to be. But son thinks otherwise, so we'll see. Good luck - and don't feel guilty. You've jumped a huge hurdle and you're on the other side - he's safe and being looked after. *hugs*
Hi KatieR
Sorry to hear your situation. Hopefully you get some answers soon. You have to do what's best for you, sorry your son is not agreeing. I was lucky that my 4 sons could see it was for the best, even though they are heartbroken. They are all very close to their dad, best friends.
We all went to see Jackie for his birthday last night. 4 sons 4 daughter in laws and 6 grandchildren. He appeared pleased to see everyone, all be it a bit overwhelming for him. Repeatedly telling me he loves me. At one one said to me "you left me" , felt terrible oldest son close to tears. Took a Costco cake and sang happy birthday, left rest of cake for residents and staff.
When we were ready to leave we asked carer to come and get him. He was going no problem, unfortunately some of family that hadn't seen him were cuddling him and saying goodbye. This unsettled him, and he was trying to get back to us all. He told carer he wanted to be with his sons and brothers, not referred to having children for a long time.
Upshot is he was very unsettled after we left, told the carer he didn't like her, punching walls, swearing, demanding to go see his mother.
He did settle and take himself off to bed early. trial and error, feel the visit was to much for him, also have learned you can't say goodbye.
We were planning to have a visit every day for a hour or so just 2 at a time. Now not sure if this will be to much for him.
How have others coped with this. Did speak to carer, she said it's still assessment but maybe less visits might be better. Hate to think I am abandoning him.
I do know this is the best place for him.
Rose x