thank you @jugglingmum - it was super, and I hope it will not be too long before I see them again......not sure how I will manage it, but I will be working on that!I'm so glad you've managed to get up to visit your grandson.
I’m fighting the reverse of your experience. My wife gets up early and dresses completely, hat , coat, gloves, shoes, all ready to go out. When I ask where would you like to go she says she doesn’t know. So I say nor do I so we sit and have this daily frustration of not know where to go. When I do suggest somewhere she hasn’t a clue where it is even if we’ve been there the day before. So this tests my already rapidly disappearing patience and I lose it once again. Today we needed to go to the doctors at 09.30. She’s ready at 07.30. She need to provide a urine sample. Without going into too much detail this turned out to be an impossible task. I shout and get angry which is not helpful but my reserves of patience are at an all time low.When you go out @Dutchman buy whatever you want and give her a choice of two at most ie tea or coffee/scone or bun etc. Too much of anything throws them. Mostly I just buy what I think he would like. If you get it wrong just smile and say next time you'll choose something different.
I am struggling with myself these mornings as I am a lark and up dressed and ready for the day and then find my husband uncooperative. This usually consists of him sitting or standing on the spot and refusing to move. Leaving him there until he is ready to move doesn't work.. He would stand there until he fell down. So if anyone has tips for dealing with that scenario then I would love to hear them. I have to resist a strong urge to run about screaming and pulling my hair out in lumps!
I’m fighting the reverse of your experience. My wife gets up early and dresses completely, hat , coat, gloves, shoes, all ready to go out. When I ask where would you like to go she says she doesn’t know. So I say nor do I so we sit and have this daily frustration of not know where to go. When I do suggest somewhere she hasn’t a clue where it is even if we’ve been there the day before. So this tests my already rapidly disappearing patience and I lose it once again. Today we needed to go to the doctors at 09.30. She’s ready at 07.30. She need to provide a urine sample. Without going into too much detail this turned out to be an impossible task. I shout and get angry which is not helpful but my reserves of patience are at an all time low.
I been divorced before so escaped bad times. In my life I’ve always seen better times ahead but now there’s no escape from dementia. No matter if you have people to help, respite time or other resources we are always left with OH to look after at the end of the day. The way I see it is that none of this stops until one of us passes on.
Yes, I understand, I was in that position a year ago. I thought that it would have to be me passing on if only I could do it in such a way that my OH was instantly taken over, as it were and looked after ...I was at that point.I’m fighting the reverse of your experience. My wife gets up early and dresses completely, hat , coat, gloves, shoes, all ready to go out. When I ask where would you like to go she says she doesn’t know. So I say nor do I so we sit and have this daily frustration of not know where to go. When I do suggest somewhere she hasn’t a clue where it is even if we’ve been there the day before. So this tests my already rapidly disappearing patience and I lose it once again. Today we needed to go to the doctors at 09.30. She’s ready at 07.30. She need to provide a urine sample. Without going into too much detail this turned out to be an impossible task. I shout and get angry which is not helpful but my reserves of patience are at an all time low.
I been divorced before so escaped bad times. In my life I’ve always seen better times ahead but now there’s no escape from dementia. No matter if you have people to help, respite time or other resources we are always left with OH to look after at the end of the day. The way I see it is that none of this stops until one of us passes on.
Oh give me strength from somewhere. My wife just doesn’t see the importance of changing her underwear from one day to the next. I’ve tried to be reasonable and explained my feelings and told her how it upsets me and, to be honest but privately, quite disgusts me to a point. I’m then expected to cuddle up, be satisfied when she dribbles a bit of water on her head and then says well go get another woman. I’ve never wanted another women. I just want someone who is cleaner. She is now sulking and I’m fed up with it all.Just spent an age cleaning the bath room - he goes in and pees in the newly polished sink........ I give up, but at least it was not worse!
Oh give me strength from somewhere. My wife just doesn’t see the importance of changing her underwear from one day to the next. I’ve tried to be reasonable and explained my feelings and told her how it upsets me and, to be honest but privately, quite disgusts me to a point. I’m then expected to cuddle up, be satisfied when she dribbles a bit of water on her head and then says well go get another woman. I’ve never wanted another women. I just want someone who is cleaner. She is now sulking and I’m fed up with it all.
Oh give me strength from somewhere. My wife just doesn’t see the importance of changing her underwear from one day to the next. I’ve tried to be reasonable and explained my feelings and told her how it upsets me and, to be honest but privately, quite disgusts me to a point. I’m then expected to cuddle up, be satisfied when she dribbles a bit of water on her head and then says well go get another woman. I’ve never wanted another women. I just want someone who is cleaner. She is now sulking and I’m fed up with it all.
Guilt is such a heavy burden we carry. Do we all feel like our soul is being sucked out of our body and feel guilty for feeling that way? I'm new here and finding life difficult since my MIL moved in last September. It is extremely difficult, she is uneducated and childlike so conversation is limited to tv shows. She not a grateful person and is quite bitter and unpleasant (unless you entertain her constantly, which is exhausting). She criticises everyone on tv or out in public in a derogatory way. My hubs, her son has to work away - he has to earn - so I am alone 5 days of the week. I work part time from home, which means she will be in a mood or possibly crying when I have been away working for 30 min. It's hard living with so much negativity. We are unsung heroes, remember that!I don't know how I would feel if my OH was in residential care as I know she would berate me if I ever dreamed of such a thing....................
Guilt is such a heavy burden we carry. Do we all feel like our soul is being sucked out of our body and feel guilty for feeling that way? I'm new here and finding life difficult since my MIL moved in last September. It is extremely difficult, she is uneducated and childlike so conversation is limited to tv shows. She not a grateful person and is quite bitter and unpleasant (unless you entertain her constantly, which is exhausting). She criticises everyone on tv or out in public in a derogatory way. My hubs, her son has to work away - he has to earn - so I am alone 5 days of the week. I work part time from home, which means she will be in a mood or possibly crying when I have been away working for 30 min. It's hard living with so much negativity. We are unsung heroes, remember that!
Sorry , but I think you are fighting a losing battle! before my husband went into his care home he refused to change his clothes or have a wash and also didn't understand that he should wee in the toilet not on the carpet! now he's in the care home he wears pull ups but is still weeing anywhere even though they take him to the toilet every 2 hours. Take care Dutchman and count to 10. Lx
@Dutchman - I dont think getting someone else to give you a hand (either family or professional) is abandoning your wife. Even if she had to move into a care home, the marriage vows do not stipulate that you have to live in the same building. Getting the best care for her is very much fulfilling your vow to look after her.