The only thing is that some meds can't be administered as a liquid and also, fairly obviously the staff can't force anyone to take anything, but they do make every effort. Sometimes a medication review - when a community matron or similar goes through their meds with care home staff and a patient representative if available, can be helpful as people's needs change and care homes tend to keep giving the same things - in many ways they have no choice.
Two years to get this bad. What now?
- Thread starter AL60
- Start date
Hi. It's been two weeks since my last post, not for any particular reason, certainly nothing has changed, I don't expect it to any time soon. This is my third attempt at posting since my last one. As time goes by I'm just getting on with things as if nothing was wrong. I'm doing so well at it I'm finding myself feeling increasingly guilty. I know, I know, I shouldn't feel bad about feeling good, especially as that's been my mantra for some time now but it feels sometimes like i'm brushing forty odd years of memories under the carpet. It can't be done but I must say it's hard going. Tomorrow, well, it's Sunday now so, later today I'm trying something new. I'm off out for the afternoon with a local walking group. I've been doing a lot of walking just lately , I find it a great way to clear my mind, Just walking , randomly taking different routes each time making it up as I go. Sometimes an hour, sometimes five or even six hours. It depends on the weather or my mood. One occasion I set off for one of my more epic walks then after five minutes it started to rain so it just ended up as a return trip to the local Co open. Fair weather Walker, that's me. 
. My wife is fine at the moment, eating and drinking a little better , at least not losing any more weight. She's also taking her meds ok too. But still I am unable to visit. Damned if I do and damned if I don't, at least in my mind I am. Enough said for tonight, need my strength for tomorrow afternoon, ha, easy, as long as it stays dry .Al.
. My wife is fine at the moment, eating and drinking a little better , at least not losing any more weight. She's also taking her meds ok too. But still I am unable to visit. Damned if I do and damned if I don't, at least in my mind I am. Enough said for tonight, need my strength for tomorrow afternoon, ha, easy, as long as it stays dry .Al.
There is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty. None of this is your fault. I can understand you feeling sad because of how your wife is, but not guilty.
The weather looks set to be fine here, so I hope it is where you are.
Enjoy your walk.
Hi. It's been two weeks since my last post, not for any particular reason, certainly nothing has changed, I don't expect it to any time soon. This is my third attempt at posting since my last one. As time goes by I'm just getting on with things as if nothing was wrong. I'm doing so well at it I'm finding myself feeling increasingly guilty. I know, I know, I shouldn't feel bad about feeling good, especially as that's been my mantra for some time now but it feels sometimes like i'm brushing forty odd years of memories under the carpet. It can't be done but I must say it's hard going. Tomorrow, well, it's Sunday now so, later today I'm trying something new. I'm off out for the afternoon with a local walking group. I've been doing a lot of walking just lately , I find it a great way to clear my mind, Just walking , randomly taking different routes each time making it up as I go. Sometimes an hour, sometimes five or even six hours. It depends on the weather or my mood. One occasion I set off for one of my more epic walks then after five minutes it started to rain so it just ended up as a return trip to the local Co open. Fair weather Walker, that's me.
They say walking is one of the better forms of exercise, easy on the joints, fresh air, nature and easy exercise leading to weight loss. You'll be the talk of the nursing home, all the ladies will chase you down the halls (wife included). They'll all be lining up to give this new fit & sexy man a ride on their walkers. You think you have problems now. But seriously, life is like walking, one step at a time. There will always be setbacks along the way but as long as you get up the gains will outnumber the setbacks.
Wonderful job & many happy trails.
I hope you had a good walk today, it was dry at home, but I got caught in a shower out on the bike in the lanes to the East of Chester.
Hi. Yes, a pleasant five miles in the dry, rain wasn't too far away, made evident by the later afternoon sunshine making rainbows. Then drove back home through spray and deep puddles forming where the potholes hide! Much safer walking.
Al.
Hi. What a grim and depressing day it was here yesterday in my little corner of the world. I'm sure that the constant worrying added to the gloominess. I went out on Friday night with some friends. It was for the pre Christmas night out, we couldn't all get together before Christmas. So, Friday night was it! Very nice it was too , for a few hours I was me again , all troubles forgotten for a while. I know what you're thinking, out again!
I'm going to be calling in at the nursing home tomorrow afternoon. No doubt I won't be getting to see my wife. I'm just hoping she's started to take her medication. She's never been one for taking tablets, she always used to check for any side effects , she was convinced that whatever it says on the list, she was going to get it. I think that the mistrust is still there. I just can't bear the thought of her stuck in there , no wonder there's so much anger.
Doesn't do to dwell on that thought. Think positive thoughts. OK, I'm thinking it's going to be a positively gloomy day again tomorrow
Spamar, I wonder where the origin of the word manoeuvre is from. There must be an easier alternative,
I guess it could be worse "womanundergoing" a 3point turn
how about "shift" that works
fairy
Hi, i couldn't agree more, about the exercise not so much about getting chased down the hallsThey say walking is one of the better forms of exercise, easy on the joints, fresh air, nature and easy exercise leading to weight loss. You'll be the talk of the nursing home, all the ladies will chase you down the halls (wife included). They'll all be lining up to give this new fit & sexy man a ride on their walkers. You think you have problems now. But seriously, life is like walking, one step at a time. There will always be setbacks along the way but as long as you get up the gains will outnumber the setbacks.
Wonderful job & many happy trails.
. Although thinking about it, I'm sure my wife would chase me down the halls and straight out of the building if she could, no improvement there I'm afraid. Looking forward to Tuesday, another walk planned, going a bit further afield. Not too far, just far enough to try somewhere a little different and more of a challenge. In fact tomorrow, Monday, I'm going to chance a visit to the nursing home. I won't need walking boots but I might need running shoes if my wife's mood hasn't improved. You never know, i might have a good visit this time. Have I mentioned before that I'm an optimistic person.Al.
Hi, i couldn't agree more, about the exercise not so much about getting chased down the halls
Optimism is good, could use that myself. I'm just relying on humour right now.
Hi. I feel likeI'm all out of humour right now. It's a long time since I felt this low. Hard to believe now how good I was feeling just a few months ago. A proper rollercoaster, up there one minute then before you know it, right down again. Never mind, see what tomorrow brings. Al.Optimism is good, could use that myself. I'm just relying on humour right now.
Hello @AL60 I wondered where you were.
When my husband went into residential care it was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders to have people sharing the caring with me.
For a while I was more light hearted and felt a sense of freedom. Unlike you, my visits OK even though initially I had to fend the usual questions, when am I going home? have you heard from my mother? etc.
After a while the `novelty` wore off and I realised this would be my life from then on and the sadness and sorrow took hold.
Is this possibly what is happening with you?
When my husband went into residential care it was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders to have people sharing the caring with me.
For a while I was more light hearted and felt a sense of freedom. Unlike you, my visits OK even though initially I had to fend the usual questions, when am I going home? have you heard from my mother? etc.
After a while the `novelty` wore off and I realised this would be my life from then on and the sadness and sorrow took hold.
Is this possibly what is happening with you?
Hi. That's exactly how it feels. I have friends and a half decent social life but I just feel so empty, some people see through the charade and see the real me. I'm sure that in time I'll feel better but for now it's an uphill climb. Al.
Hi. I know my friends will always be here. I also know that posting on here is the best thing I ever did. I went to the nursing home today, they had asked me to go to collect some papers to sign. As i was there one of the staff suggested going to see my wife as she'd been fairly quiet recently. Try it, what's to lose. I thought briefly that things just may have improved, i was wrong, the initial 30 seconds were as long as it took to realise who i was, then the shouting started so once again time to leave. Maybe next time. Al.
.Hi. Another late night, another post. I've not posted for a while but that's not to say I haven't tried. That blank screen thing kicks in and I find myself giving up. Over the last few weeks I've felt like Id hit rock bottom, my concern was that I might go even lower. I haven't but at the same time I don't feel much better, Just bouncing along the surface, scraping across the occasional rock unable to get airborne again. It'll happen one day I'm sure. But for now? On the plus side my wife has improved, still won't tolerate a visit from me but is much better with other family members and the staff at the nursing home. She's eating more, taking fluids and is actually gaining a little weight. What a difference the meds make now that she's started to take them. Well that's a short post tonight so I'll quit while I'm winning and sign off for now. Goodnight Al.
.
Hi Al.
My situation is different to yours, but the only thing we can do ( and by "we" I mean you, me and most of the people here on TP) is trying to go on a day at a time.
You have your daughters, your friends who love and support you ( as far as possible, because ours is a lonely fight).
You are still young
and I am sure life has more to give you, but it takes time to heal the wounds of the soul.Keep posting. You have friends waiting for you here.
Hi Al, I haven't posted for a while either, but I know how you feel! since OH went into the care home I find it very hard to get through the day, what shall I do today?so much to do, but. I do wonder what's the point. I've got a grant for a new boiler and they are coming on Wednesday, it will be nice to be warm again. My husband is always pleased to see me even if he doesn't know who I am! Hope you have a good day Al. Take care Lxx
. My husband is always pleased to see me even if he doesn't know who I am! Hope you have a good day Al. Take care LxxPlease try the help available @AL60 even if you may think it won`t be able to help.
National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday
9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday
9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday
10am – 4pm
Also The Samaritans is not only for suicide. They provide a listening ear and can even provide face to face local support.
https://www.samaritans.org/#. 116 123
Hi Al. I feel your pain. I can understand how rejected you must feel. You have done everything you can to help your wife and still she rejects you. It must be so hard to keep trying to convince yourself that she is ill and doesn't understand the pain she is causing. But you know that is the truth. You must desperately need to sit with her. Hold her hand. Let her know you care. And knowing she can't help it, does not stop the hurt you feel. Is there a member of staff at the home you can talk too. If the staff know how much this is pulling you down, maybe there could be a time to visit when she is in a happier mood. Or maybe medication that would help her. Would it be possible for the staff to bring her to you in a room she doesn't know and maybe doesn't associate with what has gone before.? Am I making any sense at all.? Just trying to think of a different approach to seeing her. I send my love. Its all I can do.xxx
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