@pingpong
I think step back as far as you can. It may well mean that a crisis occurs but that may be the only way your mum gets the help she needs
Sadly having seen the head honcho and the sidekick this is where I am at. Have just spoken with my son whose response was "are they blinkered". Sums it up really. Seems like political correctness supposedly acts in my mother's favour but some point, probably soon, her walls are going to come tumbling down and all these so-called friends of hers will be nowhere to be seen and without the help she obviously needs she will probably end up in a home but I will be nowhere to be seen.It sounds like a nightmare for you. Is there no one out there with any common sense. I don’t know what to say to help you other than write it all down and send to her GP. Can you see a different GP in the practice maybe they might offer more help.
I have tried the walking out bit but at the doctors she said that I just breeze in and breeze out and slam the door.Jeez @pingpong what a drama you had, It sounds like a movie script. I cannot believe that you had to wait from October until now to address this issue with your mum's GP.
You know, it sounds like you've done all you can. You got EPAs in place - regardless how well they work or not - as this is one example where you've tried to use it and it was exhaustive. Please don't feel the GP's behaviour is the typical response.
That said I agree with the GP and Sarasa's advice above. The most you can do now is to do everything relating to your Mum in writing. Put your experience in writing and send to those who need to know since you've been advised to step back, i.e. GP, local authority adult care, local police, etc - just to cover your own back and to inform those who may be stepping into your 'previous' role what they may expect.
Also, now you've got a little more time to put you and your children first. I have reiterate that point made by others on this thread about your mum's accusations of you, I got it too from my dad. Its the dementia that doing this to you/me, please try to remember this and perhaps just don't try to argue it out as it will likely lead to more stress for you both as she won't back down easily if at all. Some others on here will just walk out the room completely just to avoid it.
Yes indeed, mum has already said that the hairdresser gets on her wick wanting to do stuff that she doesn't want touching! It's the same with everybody. Her old neighbour phones up to fill her in with the gossip and she just says what a waste of time and doesn't know why she phoned. Ungrateful doesn't come into it. She hates her new neighbours and has already put a note on the chap's windscreen to say not to park outside her window! How to win friends and influence peopleThe hairdresser/carer/friend might be in for a nasty surprise.
With you (temporarily) out of the picture your mum will not be able to blame you for things that go wrong and so she is likely to turn on this friend.
Before we realised that mum has Alzheimers she accused her cleaner of moving things around, hiding things from her and stealing from her, so the cleaner was sacked and mums friend stepped up to help her. This was an old trusted friend, so I was shocked when, suddenly mum phoned up and ranted on about how this friend was stealing from her and behaving dreadfully towards her. The friend said that she couldnt continue going round if it upset mum, which I agreed with. So then it was my turn. Mum told all the neighbours that I was stealing from her and hitting her and they all gave me odd looks because mum was so convincing. Within a few months, however mum had written several nasty letters to the neighbours and posted them through their letter box, she was getting into arguments with them over the bins, the woman across the road had contacted the police because she said mum was harrassing her, mum was going out at night, very inadequately dressed and banging on the neighbours doors at silly o'clock in the morning and by this time everyone knew there was a problem!
Sadly GP says there is nothing wrong with her so it must be me!