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[A Sad Son]

Hello. I am a full time carer for my Mother.

My Mother is 84 years old. She suffered a fall last year in which she broke her hip.

Before the fall, she would be a little bit forgetful at times but nothing particularly stood out as problematic mentally wise. Her problem was physical. She had arthritis in her back that made it very hard for her to walk. I moved back in with her to help her to manage at home.

After the fall however, everything changed very quickly. She suffered from delirium in the hospital and although the delirium passed after a few weeks, it has left her with dementia. We do not yet have a full diagnosis of her condition but we have spoken with three doctors, all of whom have told me that she is unquestionably suffering from a form of dementia.

She has fallen so far so quickly. Within three months she has gone from an intelligent woman to someone that needs help in almost all aspects of day to day life.

As her son and carer and as someone who loves her very much, I am trying my very best to care for her but it is so very hard. I hope to find advice and encouragement from this forum.

 

[Cat27]

Hello. I am a full time carer for my Mother.

My Mother is 84 years old. She suffered a fall last year in which she broke her hip.

Before the fall, she would be a little bit forgetful at times but nothing particularly stood out as problematic mentally wise. Her problem was physical. She had arthritis in her back that made it very hard for her to walk. I moved back in with her to help her to manage at home.

After the fall however, everything changed very quickly. She suffered from delirium in the hospital and although the delirium passed after a few weeks, it has left her with dementia. We do not yet have a full diagnosis of her condition but we have spoken with three doctors, all of whom have told me that she is unquestionably suffering from a form of dementia.

She has fallen so far so quickly. Within three months she has gone from an intelligent woman to someone that needs help in almost all aspects of day to day life.

As her son and carer and as someone who loves her very much, I am trying my very best to care for her but it is so very hard. I hope to find advice and encouragement from this forum.

Welcome to TP @A Sad Son
You’ve come to the right place for support & encouragement.

 

[MegMog10]

Hello all. I have joined to hopefully get some help and support whilst waiting for results of CT scan and second memory test for my mum who is 78 and has been experiencing memory and coordination problems, cognitive impairment, hallucinations and delusions.

She also has poor eyesight at the moment and is waiting for a post cataract operation procedure so things are difficult right now.

Her relationship with my dad is strained, they are bickering all the time. Dad hasn't taken very well to being in the carer role, but it is also very difficult for him because mum keeps accusing him of having affairs. She is on respiridone at the moment since Christmas but it hasn't improved the delusions and she is quite dizzy in the mornings and tired all the time. Such a worrying time. I am worried for both of their health and wellbeing.

 

[jaymor]

Hello @MegMog10, welcome to Talking Point.

So sorry things are difficult and worrying for you. The accusations of having affairs seems to be very common with dementia but must be very difficult for your Dad to hear and deal with.

Once your Mum has a diagnosis you will be able to find out what help she needs and what is available in your area. Please keep posting and use the forum to get support from our members.

 

[Ewma J]

Hello. I have joined on behalf of my friend Bob who is full time carer for his wife who, after 2 1/2 to 3 years of being pushed from pillar to post between GP and mental health team was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer's around the middle of last year. She is now in the mid stages. Bob is coping amazingly but it is so so hard and so many issues arise that I thought people on here might have experience of which I could pass on to him. I have specific questions too which I'll get to later on. Thanks

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Ewma J you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

Do take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc.

If you do have any specific questions just feel free to start your own thread in this sub-forum https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/i-care-for-a-person-with-dementia.70/

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello and welcome from me to @MegMog10

I wonder if, when a diagnosis is given, you may find any local support services like a memory café to be of some use. You can do a post code check to see what's available to you by following this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

The full list of the very informative Factsheets can be found with this link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc.

If communicating is an issue, a few handy tips can be picked from the useful thread that can be reached with this link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

 

[MegMog10]

Hello and welcome from me to @MegMog10


Thank you Karaoke Pete! Wills are sorted. We are in the process of sorting out a POA for Mum's health. Dad is reluctant to do the Wealth one at the same time but he has a lot on his plate at the moment and is probably a bit worried about losing some control. It's a big step getting the POA Health one done at all.

Thanks for the compassionate communication link - I have forwarded to my mum, dad and brother. It is really helpful.

There is a cafe in our local hospital and library.

Just feel a bit in limbo at the moment waiting for a diagnosis and mum's post cataract op procedure but it's good to research what support is available in the meantime.

Thank you for all your help x

 

[Dorsetdoll]

Welcome to the forum @Dorsetdoll. Sorry I have no personal experience of paranoia to that extent, but delusions and stress are hard to deal with as carers. I hope you can find something in your research, though someone with direct experience is always around to help.

Thanks.

 

[MegMog10]

Hello @MegMog10, welcome to Talking Point.

So sorry things are difficult and worrying for you. The accusations of having affairs seems to be very common with dementia but must be very difficult for your Dad to hear and deal with.

Once your Mum has a diagnosis you will be able to find out what help she needs and what is available in your area. Please keep posting and use the forum to get support from our members.

Thanks Jaymor

 

[Pouli]

Hi. I've joined today and looking forward to giving and receiving support. My OH has dementia and is confined to bed after he broke his leg and never really recovered from it. If he weren't unable to walk, I know that I would be chasing him round the neighbourhood. This is a bonus I feel guilty about because it is very distressing for him. I'm sure my problems are shared with many of you and it will be a relief to be able to talk to people who know how it is.

 

[Izzy]

Hi @Pouli and welcome to Talking Point.

I’m sorry to read of your husband’s situation. I’m glad though that you have found this forum. I know you will get lots of help and support here.

 

[Pouli]

Hi @Pouli and welcome to Talking Point.

I’m sorry to read of your husband’s situation. I’m glad though that you have found this forum. I know you will get lots of help and support here.

Thank you. I've been looking through the threads and I see that what I thought were unique problems are in fact very common. People relating their experiences could almost be talking about my husband. It's curious that delusions are so similar - I want to go home, pack my suitcase, take me to the railway station. It's as if different sufferers have many different delusions, but that they all have this one.

 

[karaokePete]

Thank you. I've been looking through the threads and I see that what I thought were unique problems are in fact very common. People relating their experiences could almost be talking about my husband. It's curious that delusions are so similar - I want to go home, pack my suitcase, take me to the railway station. It's as if different sufferers have many different delusions, but that they all have this one.

Hello and welcome from me too.

This scenario is common because the request to go home isn't usually really a request to go anywhere. It's an expression of the anxiety felt by a person with dementia as they struggle to understand their now confusing world. They are seeking safety and a feeling of security, as was felt in the parental home when they didn't have any worries and understood what was happening around them. Some reassurance and distraction can assist with that.

If you have time, it's great to read old threads as they contain a lot of useful information. There is also the very informative Publications list that contains information on just about every aspect of dementia. If you want to see the list and haven't found it yet, you can reach it by clicking this link
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

 

[Brumsteve]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post and I hope that I'll be able to find some help and information from you all.

My Mom just had a 2 month a spell in hospital for older people with mental health problems (she has suffered from depression for a number of years and everything caught up with her). When she was discharged last week her CPN told me that the doctors and nurses had a meeting before they discharged her and diagnosed her with Alzheimers and vascular dementia.

It came as a bit of a shock but I'd thought something was happening for a couple of years. Making sense of it all at the moment is difficult. I know I'm not unique to be in this situation and hope I can find some answers and encouragement from other who are or have been in this situation.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Brumsteve, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

You may feel what is termed as anticipatory grief because of the suddenness of this but you will get understanding and support here as most members will have come through that.

Do take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc.

If you do have any specific questions just feel free to start your own thread in this sub-forum https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/i-care-for-a-person-with-dementia.70/

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[Shazza54321]

Hi - I’m a newbie here. My Mum aged 97 has dementia, and has recently moved into Res Care due to main carer ill health. Looking around the forum I see many if you writing about the experiences we are facing in our family. The last week we have had Mum on the phone upset and wanting to go home, I just discovered this daily event is ‘sundowning’. Her main carer believes she ‘stops listening’ and has become ‘manipulative’ and that you have to talk right into her face to get her attention and make her understand. It’s this attitude in our family I’m finding hardest to deal with. In my best moments I can see that it reflects his burnout.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Shazza54321 you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

Do take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list. If you are interested in this, or the page where you can check for support in your area, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't been done already

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[Asmile]

Hello @Asmile Welcome to Talking Point.

If your daughters` dad does not have a diagnosis or is still considered to have capacity I doubt there is much anyone can do.

The only hope you may have is if you can convince the authorities not only is he presenting a fire hazard to himself but also to anyone else who lives in the house.

Hi

 

[Runragged]

Hi there, This is my first post so excuse me if I’m in the wrong place or ramble on too much, my sister and I are caring for our Mum whos 88 she is not yet diagnosed because she’s very doctor phobic and a very strong controlling personality. I guess we noticed changes in behaviour two or three years ago but in the last six months she has got much worse she imagines a man has been in her house, bugs that don’t exist and has turned against family members.
Luckily ( or not ) we live just a few doors away from her and my sister began doing her a few meals when we realised she wasn’t cooking any more but now if we didn’t take her food, she wouldn’t eat or drink at all. Since Christmas after several hysterical episodes involving her imaginary man we have been taking turns to sleep around there but increasingly she will not sleep at night and gets out 10 -15 times, going downstairs just really restless. Now we find she gets very agitated when left for more than an hour (especially evenings) and so now we are spending more time with her than at home.
Don’t get me wrong she has been a wonderful Mum in many ways but all the best bits of her are now gone leaving behind someone who manages to suck the happy out of every moment of our lives, our husbands h ave been amazing but I’m unsure how long this can go on with out one of us breaking .
People have been very kind but I feel we are being pulled into a deep deep hole.
Having read so many posts on here where people seem to carry on for years I feel like I’m not quite up to the job