Care home and how to cope

[AEC]

Hi. I’ve just joined due to not having much support and am at a loss as to how I’m going to cope with what’s happening.

My grandma was diagnosed with dementia, Alzheimer’s and multi-system atrophy around a year ago. Her decline has been so rapid that she’s been wandering, forgetting who I am and rarely eating. She had carers coming in but social services found her a placement in a home.

She went in to the home on Monday and I visited for the first time today. It was the worst I have ever seen her. She cried constantly, kept getting up to ask the staff if they could arrange transport because she needs to leave to get “back there”, she’s convinced the home are stopping her dad and brothers from visiting (her dad died 35 years ago and she only has one brother that’s still alive). One of the other residents lost it with one of the staff and started screaming and swearing which made my grandma cry even more. It absolutely broke my heart to leave her there so upset. She looked like a terrified child.

Even though it’s the best place for her to be because she’s safe, clean and fed why do I feel so awful? My mum is on the verge of a nervous breakdown and we’re struggling as a family. My grandad was diagnosed with dementia the same day grandma went in to the home (22/30 on his assessment) so we have it all to come with my grandad too. The thought of her being there alone and frightened makes me so upset and feel so guilty. Will she settle a little or will it just be downhill from now?

 

[Norfolk Cherry]

Al I can say is that I recently had a similar experience. My mum was very distressed, smashed up the display stand and smashed her TV with her walking stick. Since then she has become far more accepting of her situation with medication and time. It took about 12-16 weeks. Sometimes people move care homes. Wishing you well.

 

[chickenlady]

Talk to the home manager, is she like this all day or just from time to time? Not all care homes are the same, don't feel guilty about visiting a couple of different ones, most home managers will gladly welcome visitors. Comparing against another home will either reassure you that she's getting the best or allow you to make an informed decision to move her. Some people just take a while to settle but others need a slightly different atmosphere. Good luck.

 

[Grannie G]

The thought of her being there alone and frightened makes me so upset and feel so guilty.

Of course it does @AEC. How could you feel otherwise.

I hope your grandma will settle soon. The first few weeks are often quite upsetting because of the added confusion brought on by the complete change.

If you're confident the care home staff are doing everything possible to help your grandma settle, then she needs time. If you have any concerns the home might not be offering the best quality care perhaps you could view other homes to see if there is one you feel may be more suitable.

It`s the most difficult time, especially now you have further worries about your granddad. I`m so sorry.

 

[Kamakazi]

Don't feel guilty remember she is in a good safe environment I hope the staff dealt with the agitated lady well.. it will take time for your nan to adjust to not being at home but you could try what we did with my dad..Take her round the home explain where she eats or watches TV n show her new bedroom of her very own where she sleeps so this is her new home and do it every visit also explain how the staff are there to look after her every need to feed her do her laundry n keep her safe. In time she will forget about her old home not permanently but for most of the time. Also it helps to put their personal touch in room ie. photos nice pics anything she is particularly fond of. And when you do visit also keep her stimulated maybe with kids Puzzles any kids game she may like or go through photo albums with her. Keep an eye on how well she is looked after like how she's dressed n if she's clean n make sure she knows she can ask staff for any help she needs to toilet or ju

 

[Kamakazi]

Don't feel guilty remember she is in a good safe environment I hope the staff dealt with the agitated lady well.. it will take time for your nan to adjust to not being at home but you could try what we did with my dad..Take her round the home explain where she eats or watches TV n show her new bedroom of her very own where she sleeps so this is her new home and do it every visit also explain how the staff are there to look after her every need to feed her do her laundry n keep her safe. In time she will forget about her old home not permanently but for most of the time. Also it helps to put their personal touch in room ie. photos nice pics anything she is particularly fond of. And when you do visit also keep her stimulated maybe with kids Puzzles any kids game she may like or go through photo albums with her. Keep an eye on how well she is looked after like how she's dressed n if she's clean n make sure she knows she can ask staff for any help she needs to toilet or ju

 

[Kamakazi]

Or just a drink. Try to check her room often n if need be do some homework now on other homes Google n visit check CQC which is an annual check by some board. Find out how many staff to residents n if kitchen,laundry cleaning staff extra otherwise carers too busy with these duties to look after people. Is there always at least one staff member around n watching residents or if you need to talk to someone. Most homes shud have activities too which your nan will need see if they have a care co-ordinater I hope all this helps i had to learn as i went along.