Two years to get this bad. What now?

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,996
0
72
Dundee
It must all be very distressing for you but I hope your travels go well and you have a good visit with your daughter.
 

AL60

Registered User
Oct 14, 2016
509
0
Cheshire
Hi. A short post to say thank you for the messages of support.. the Christmas break went well but I'm glad to be back home again, even if it is for only a day or two. Looking forward to the new year now and feel as ready as I'll ever be to face the challenges ahead.
I paid a short visit to the home earlier. I didn't get to see my wife but as I attempted to sneak a look around the corner I noticed the tv in the lounge was off. All I managed to see of her was part of her leg and her foot, as I didn't want to end up on the end of it I decided with a heavy heart to back off.
Look at the time again! Where does it go, I'm supposed to be in Manchester in twelve hours, I'd best sign off so I'll say goodnight once again. :)Al:)
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,911
0
Enjoy Manchester, I often think the advantage of going away is the pleasure of being back home again! However good our trips were, however enjoyable, the home was welcomed us back.
 

AL60

Registered User
Oct 14, 2016
509
0
Cheshire
Hi. Good Morning. One last post for 2018. My short trip to Manchester was fine. My daughter chose to go to the Manchester Hilton for afternoon tea:Dnow although I have a sweet tooth, the amount of cake and other sweet tasting goodies on that platter really was a cake too far, so close to Christmas:):):)please, no more biscuits, at least not until tomorrow:). At the moment I'm in Dundee, again staying with family. It's good to be away, but. Although it's new years eve I already feel it's time I was back home. To be honest I've been counting the hours since I arrived. I can't really explain it, i couldn't do anything about my wife's situation from home or here. although I can't really visit, it is just about being that bit nearer, knowing we can at least share that same little patch of sky. Not that she now even has the ability to share anything anymore anyway. No. Im here until the third and I'll keep up the act and on the outside I'll be enjoying myself, while on the inside I know I don't have to explain the really empty feeling.
So here i am. My first new year spent north of the border. Plan for tonight? A quiet evening in with family:)suits me fine.
My next task is to try to get out of the bed I'm in??? I'll explain. It's a large inflatable double, with a tiny leak. Consequently I've slowly sunk into the middle and it's surprisingly hard t climb out. Staying here 'til next year isn't really an option, so my best bet would be to finish now and devise a plan to actually escape the inflatable. Happy new year to all. Al:).
New year's resolution? Only even thought about it just now. I'm open to ideas though. Enough. Now, how to get out of this damned inflatableo_Oo_OAl.:)
 

Philbo

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
853
0
Kent
Morning @AL60

This made me smile:D

Plan A: get your puncture repair kit out (the one that you always carry, just in case) and fix the leak.

Plan B: nip to Argos and buy a replacement inflatable (I'll leave you to decide what sort of inflatable to get;))

Plan C: Forget the quiet night in - gatecrash a party somewhere and stay out until it's time to return home:):cool:

What ever you do, look after yourself and may I wish you a Happy New Year.

Phil
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
0
West Midlands
knowing we can at least share that same little patch of sky.

To maybe help..... Look at the moon.

Unless it’s cloudy, everyone can see the same moon

I do this when I think of my kids, who are spread all over the uk and I understand they do the same
 

AL60

Registered User
Oct 14, 2016
509
0
Cheshire
Hi. Just one more night in Dundee, in a leaking inflatable bed. I'm getting quite good now at escaping from it every morning. I'm looking forward to getting home tomorrow yet, at the same time it would be nice to stay here a little longer. But as the holiday season is well and truly over then home it must be. Nothing much has changed, I still can't visit, her mood is no better. There's nothing I can do or say to make things better. All I can do is carry on with things the best I can do. I've been kidding myself for so long that I'm OK, I'm beginning to believe it myself o_O. I went to St Andrews today, that brought back many memories, thankfully mostly good ones. I find when I go to places where we both used to go I just can't help remembering things, usually silly pointless things and sometimes it gets me down. But today in St Andrews that didn't happen , it just felt good to be there. She's lost so much of her memorry now I feel a great responsibility in holding on to the memories of the two of us.
Well I guess that's the end of this post , time to sign off and get some sleep ready for tomorrow. Wish I could just just click my heels together three times and say, "There's no place like home " then wake up in my own, non leaky, bed :). But no, it's the train taking the strain this time so goodnight from me :)Al.
 

AL60

Registered User
Oct 14, 2016
509
0
Cheshire
Hi. From my non leaking very ordinary bed. It's good to be home. I so looked forward to coming home Now I find I wish I was still a long way away . No pleasing some is there . Today was my first full day at home. I found myself on the phone most of the day. I went to visit the care home this morning to try to find out when the best interest meeting would be taking place. Monday, they said . Then, not Monday,. They were waiting for a gp visit to assess my oh. She hasn't been eating or drinking anything for a day or two. Gp reasoned that she was dehydrated so arrangements were made to take her to hospital. They asked if I could take her in my car , now come on, she can't bear the sight of me, how on earth could I take her to the hospital ! The ambulance was called to take her, good idea. After a few short tests it was confirmed that she wasn't dehydrated at all. So as I post on here she has been sent back to the care home. It appears that we now have a rather blunt choice. Either we can just do nothing and let nature take its course. I. e. If she won't eat or drink just let her carry on until the inevitable end. Or intervene and let things drag on and on. Obviously there is more to it than that but to me that is how it seems . I've known this has been coming for some time but when you actually hear it from a real Dr it hits like a hammer blow. So, here I am once again, posting at stupid o'clock in the morning, sleep seems a long way away, and there's not a thing I can do.
I went out tonight with friends , nothing special, just a few drinks at my not so local, local, it felt good. For just a few hours life was normal I, as usual put up a front , I'm good at acting, I should have had a career on the stage :)However, I'm home now and the reality is sinking in once again so I guess that the best thing I could do now is sign off and try to get some sleep. So I'll say, goodnight, it'll soon be good morning so for tonight, good night, Alo_Oo_Oo_O
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,444
0
Kent
Oh dear!
I've known this has been coming for some time but when you actually hear it from a real Dr it hits like a hammer blow.

I didn`t realise it was as bad as this and feel shocked too.

It was shock enough when the same was suggested for my husband but by then he had aspiration pneumonia and was no longer responding to antibiotics.

Even so, if your wife is refusing food and drink Al, what would be gained by intervention.

I would ask that she is still offered food and drink and whether she accepts it or not will depend on the stage of dementia she is at.

Sad times for you. Bad times.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,996
0
72
Dundee
Oh @AL60 I'm so sorry to read your update. I started reading earlier in your thread when you were writing about being in Dundee (my home city) and St Andrews. It was nice to read about what your were doing. I was so shocked when I came to your post about the latest situation. Like Sylvia my husband had aspiration pneumonia and it was clear he wasn't responding to treatments so with heavy heart I had to take the decision for all intervention to be ceased. Things are different for your wife and it must be incredibly hard for you. Thinking of you and wishing you strength.
 

AL60

Registered User
Oct 14, 2016
509
0
Cheshire
Hi. This has got to be a more civilised time to post. But no matter what time it is the content matter is just the same. The trip back to the home went ok for her last night. This morning her anxiety levels were sky high once again, throwing herself around and shouting, mainly about how she hates me and how she wants to burn all my clothes, hopefully when I'm not actually wearing them. She was given tea and milk this morning and as I arrived at the home they were cleaning it up off the floor. They really do try but I am wondering if she might be better off somewhere else, goodness knows where. Food and drink is offered frequently, but They are so limited in what they can do. Same with medication, that's a bit hit and miss. Diazepam is administered but if she spits it out, then what. The bottom line is, if she doesn't want to eat, drink or take her meds the that's it. So that's it for now, a quiet. evening ahead, it seems like the first quiet evening in since last year! :). So goodnight for now.:):)Al.:)
 

dancer12

Registered User
Jan 9, 2017
498
0
Mississauga
Hi. From my non leaking very ordinary bed. It's good to be home. I so looked forward to coming home Now I find I wish I was still a long way away . No pleasing some is there . Today was my first full day at home. I found myself on the phone most of the day. I went to visit the care home this morning to try to find out when the best interest meeting would be taking place. Monday, they said . Then, not Monday,. They were waiting for a gp visit to assess my oh. She hasn't been eating or drinking anything for a day or two. Gp reasoned that she was dehydrated so arrangements were made to take her to hospital. They asked if I could take her in my car , now come on, she can't bear the sight of me, how on earth could I take her to the hospital ! The ambulance was called to take her, good idea. After a few short tests it was confirmed that she wasn't dehydrated at all. So as I post on here she has been sent back to the care home. It appears that we now have a rather blunt choice. Either we can just do nothing and let nature take its course. I. e. If she won't eat or drink just let her carry on until the inevitable end. Or intervene and let things drag on and on. Obviously there is more to it than that but to me that is how it seems . I've known this has been coming for some time but when you actually hear it from a real Dr it hits like a hammer blow. So, here I am once again, posting at stupid o'clock in the morning, sleep seems a long way away, and there's not a thing I can do.
I went out tonight with friends , nothing special, just a few drinks at my not so local, local, it felt good. For just a few hours life was normal I, as usual put up a front , I'm good at acting, I should have had a career on the stage :)However, I'm home now and the reality is sinking in once again so I guess that the best thing I could do now is sign off and try to get some sleep. So I'll say, goodnight, it'll soon be good morning so for tonight, good night, Alo_Oo_Oo_O

Oh my GOD. What to say, what not to say. So many questions, will they ever be answered. I believe so. when we are ready to hear the answer we will hear it. I'm so, so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,280
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
This morning her anxiety levels were sky high once again, throwing herself around and shouting, mainly about how she hates me and how she wants to burn all my clothes, hopefully when I'm not actually wearing them
Al, I am so sorry for you, there seems to be no way out, because any decision is so hard to make.

Hope you won't get offended if I tell you I appreciate your sense of humour, which seems to keep you connected to life and normality and somehow rescue you from despair.
I wish you a peaceful night
Maybe you are already sound asleep
 

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