TIPPING POINT

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
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76
Devon, Totnes
I commiserate this time anxiety is a real issue. Mine has a diary on him at all time. So I cannot spring things very often, not so bad during the day but early mornings mean a sleep less night.
I was scolded by daughters for becoming a recluse! I pointed out I was a happy one, the strain of hiring drivers and getting there is too much.
One driver was late so I was informed every minute that he had not arrived.

I wonder why hairwashing is such an issue, would she let a hairdresser do it?
You can get caps to put on and massage the head.

My daughter said a TV presenter said he had stopped washing his hair as eventually it becomes self cleaning. He did rinse it under the shower. It takes a while to adjust.
Not really sure it works in this western world .
Eventually we go to the concert but 2 hours before we need to and my wife is only convinced that we’re early because the vicar told her so. We hang about, go have a tea, hang about and then sit in the Cathedral for over an hour. It’s cold and uncomfortable but at least we have the awesome surroundings to keep us company. Never again. It’s now 2 weeks to go before we head off to our daughters for Christmas and my wife is fretting over how much room there won’t be in the car, can we load now, I say no hundreds of times, she visits all the present bags every day to check (we finished packing beginning of November) . Her clothes bag is packed and wants me to do the same, I say no. Round and round we go. I’ve now picked up a book on depression hoping for an answer but hold little hope. My cat is sitting on my lap while I’m writing this , my sane companion.
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
972
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Pratteln Switzerland
Ya'll are saints...I could not live 'unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed.', D. Bowie 1969. My OH has always agreed to washing and needs help now to be sure he does it well. In an earlier stage, I was really unaware that he required my help so sometimes he was not clean enough. But when I realized he needed help, we made that transition. But no resistance. So, so so grateful…..cleanliness, smelling, nice, looking good and groomed is very important for me....to keep going.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
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We have not been away for 18 months, our last trip was just a few days 20 miles away. I had to double up on monitoring so not restful. My husband always liked to be packed far too early for my liking.
I am afraid I really prefer we stay at home. I have stopped holiday brochures, the odd one slips though. I just hope the Christmas TV adverts do not cause havoc! He loved to travel.

Washing is difficult I wonder about baby wipes? I know I used them I was in hospital, even on my hair.
It is our routine to shower each morning, twice some event has meant a wash instead. I feel I must not allow the routine to change too often, in case it becomes the new routine.
I am having to check the clothes to make sure everything is fresh. I pinch clothes, when told that they are still all right, I use the dryer so I can wash, dry and return quickly. I try to keep up to date.
So far so good.

He was always good at present wrapping, now they look a bit cobbled. I have resorted to money so each family can choose a treat to share. I do buy other gifts as 'non birthday any day presents' when I see something someone may like or need. Reading this I realise I am smoothing out extreme highs and lows. Gentle undulating days seem best. I but the seasonal Christmas treats but spread them over the weeks after Christmas.
I find extremes just wear us both out!

It is all a long cry from what we used to do!

Dr, Claire Weekes wrote a good book on depression, Self help for your nerves. it was a breakthrough at the time.
It has been updated, her work has helped many. She is still in print, as they are for layman they are easy to understand. She uses a floating method, it might help Carers.

I hope overall you enjoyed the concert, music in a Cathedral is special.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
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OK guys, just had a tipping point. Was reading the paper having come back from OH home and there was a plop on the front door mat and a letter had come from the council.
It was OH's next travel card with picture of handsome face on the front. (bus pass basically).
Lost it, cried, don't usually feel so washed over by grief.
Gxx
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,911
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That's what tips us, the unexpected, we gear up to the rest we have to do then, wow, we are flat on our back xxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
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That's what tips us, the unexpected, we gear up to the rest we have to do then, wow, we are flat on our back xxx
Yes, thank you, it's the things from the real world like the bus pass ... really bring it home, don't they. Life is going on out there, but beloved Oh is never going to be part of it again. I try all I can to bring the real world to him, if see what mean. thankyou.
love and best, kindred. xxxxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
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We have not been away for 18 months, our last trip was just a few days 20 miles away. I had to double up on monitoring so not restful. My husband always liked to be packed far too early for my liking.
I am afraid I really prefer we stay at home. I have stopped holiday brochures, the odd one slips though. I just hope the Christmas TV adverts do not cause havoc! He loved to travel.

Washing is difficult I wonder about baby wipes? I know I used them I was in hospital, even on my hair.
It is our routine to shower each morning, twice some event has meant a wash instead. I feel I must not allow the routine to change too often, in case it becomes the new routine.
I am having to check the clothes to make sure everything is fresh. I pinch clothes, when told that they are still all right, I use the dryer so I can wash, dry and return quickly. I try to keep up to date.
So far so good.

He was always good at present wrapping, now they look a bit cobbled. I have resorted to money so each family can choose a treat to share. I do buy other gifts as 'non birthday any day presents' when I see something someone may like or need. Reading this I realise I am smoothing out extreme highs and lows. Gentle undulating days seem best. I but the seasonal Christmas treats but spread them over the weeks after Christmas.
I find extremes just wear us both out!

It is all a long cry from what we used to do!

Dr, Claire Weekes wrote a good book on depression, Self help for your nerves. it was a breakthrough at the time.
It has been updated, her work has helped many. She is still in print, as they are for layman they are easy to understand. She uses a floating method, it might help Carers.

I hope overall you enjoyed the concert, music in a Cathedral is special.
Claire Weekes, now there's a blast from the past and yes, it was a breakthrough and she is excellent, I would endorse her as a mental health professional. Thank you for reminding us of that. sure you can get them still. love and best, Gxx
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
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Yes, I checked on Amazon. I heard her speak on the radio once, quite insping, just so down to earth.
Well, yawning so best to bed! Xxx
 

Mudgee Joy

Registered User
Dec 26, 2017
675
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New South Wales Australia
I think that @AliceA has a point about the hair washing - there is a journalist here - well known- that brags he doesn’t wash his hair at all - and that’s it’s now ‘clean’!
Don’t know if it needs brushing though -
Just now had to humour my husband into taking a shower ! Blessings !!
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
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I think that @AliceA has a point about the hair washing - there is a journalist here - well known- that brags he doesn’t wash his hair at all - and that’s it’s now ‘clean’!
Don’t know if it needs brushing though -
Just now had to humour my husband into taking a shower ! Blessings !!
Anyone any experience of these shampoos that don't need to be rinsed off? warmest, Geraldine
 

Goingitalone

Registered User
Feb 11, 2010
1,684
0
Yes, Geraldine. Tried them with my mom, she refused to wash. I tried the one in the cap first, not successful. But the shampoo itself was great. Just gently run it in and towel off.

I believe people use it when they go to these music festivals in summer.

Worked for us anyway.....
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,634
0
South of the Border
Today's Tipping Point...

He keeps talking about suicide - says he has no quality of life left

Thankfully, he does not seem to realise, with dementia, its going to get a whole lot worse.......

I spoke to the helpline tonight for the first time - and it was calming, but no answers, because there are none....
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
My tipping point I have discovered that both OKs ear infections and hemorrhoids have come back.
Wonderful, more appointments when I thought Id managed to get through most of them (he has recently been seeing doctors for 9 different problems)

It doesnt take much to push me off my perch these days
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
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Scotland
@canary there is nothing to smile about in more health issues yet I did. I suppose it is the sheer ridiculous impossibility of the whole business which produces borderline hysteria. I take as much interest in my husband's food and fluid intake and bowel movements as if he were a lab rat. At times I feel like a qualified nurse and the receptionist at our local surgery told me I probably am already halfway qualified.lol
 

Goingitalone

Registered User
Feb 11, 2010
1,684
0
Today's Tipping Point...

He keeps talking about suicide - says he has no quality of life left

Thankfully, he does not seem to realise, with dementia, its going to get a whole lot worse.......

I spoke to the helpline tonight for the first time - and it was calming, but no answers, because there are none....

I know I go on about this a lot, but I noticed on an earlier post you had both been to a village event where he sang. I wonder if some positive, upbeat music might raise his spirits?

Music is a wonderful gift for altering mood. It’s used behind the scenes in all the films for making us feel in suspense, romantic, sad or happy, so why not try using it in real life?

I hope he cheers up soon. It can drag you both down otherwise.
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,634
0
South of the Border
I know I go on about this a lot, but I noticed on an earlier post you had both been to a village event where he sang. I wonder if some positive, upbeat music might raise his spirits?

Music is a wonderful gift for altering mood. It’s used behind the scenes in all the films for making us feel in suspense, romantic, sad or happy, so why not try using it in real life?

I hope he cheers up soon. It can drag you both down otherwise.

Thanks for this - he only did the concert under sufferance - because it was light music and he wanted classical or church. They are starting rehearsals for one of the Requiem's for a church performance at Easter, in January - so that might cheer him - more his thing ( I know a Requiem does not sound very cheerful)

I do try to have music going during the day, but he does sit in front of the TV with the volume on 50, for most of the day - I am beginning to feel rather out of my depth with it all - what a shifting disease it is!!
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,634
0
South of the Border
@canary there is nothing to smile about in more health issues yet I did. I suppose it is the sheer ridiculous impossibility of the whole business which produces borderline hysteria. I take as much interest in my husband's food and fluid intake and bowel movements as if he were a lab rat. At times I feel like a qualified nurse and the receptionist at our local surgery told me I probably am already halfway qualified.lol

I know exactly what you mean - when I fostered a little boy with cerebral palsy the consultant asked me if I was a nurse - I said I was a genealogist !!! how different can that be!
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
Yes, Geraldine. Tried them with my mom, she refused to wash. I tried the one in the cap first, not successful. But the shampoo itself was great. Just gently run it in and towel off.

I believe people use it when they go to these music festivals in summer.

Worked for us anyway.....
Thank you so much, will do. Geraldinexxx
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
2,348
0
76
Devon, Totnes
My husband had not washed his hair with shampoo for years after reading that report and just used water washing but because he doesn’t shower so often any more because he doesn’t want to and I don’t want to have an issue over it, his scalp became crusty with “cradle cap”. Now I insist that when he has a shower, that he shampoos it and that has cleared the crusts. This is only possible if your partner will do it though.
Hip, hip, hooray, my wife is clean. Quite what went through her mind this morning who knows but she had a shower and washed hair. It changes my emotional state when she’s clean. I helped of course and was as gentle as I could be with reassuring words. If only every day could be like this
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
You’re right. Clean is good. Clean is civilised. I feel good when my husband is washed shaved and smartly dressed.