Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

[kindred]

O

After the book a CD??? Xxx

Oh my darling, thank you. You know, I think we could get this kind of detail/theme/goings on in so many nursing and care homes if people would but look for the funny and lovely details. It's such a good way to train your mind really, looking round for something to include. Thank you very very much. with love, Geraldinexx

 

[AliceA]

Yes, life is funny even in dire times. My love came in with one trouser leg up and one down, I asked if he were joining the masons?

 

[kindred]

Yes, life is funny even in dire times. My love came in with one trouser leg up and one down, I asked if he were joining the masons?

Ah, now this might be how the masonic tradition began ...
Gxxx

 

[Toony Oony]

Ha ha @AliceA - that's what I always say when Mum has her trouser leg at 'half mast'.

@kindred - sounds as though you had another lovely visit with Keith.

I DID look up Rude versions of My Favourite Things' - oh my days!

There are several. I am not sure which version you were using, but I consider myself 'a woman of the world' and one version in particular ....... well words fail me! There is also an 'old age version' and the 'Sing a long a Sound of Music' lot listed the best results of a competition to rewrite the words to My Favourite Things too. I think there are lots of alternative versions - trust me to find the downright filthy one!

Off to see Mum tomorrow afternoon and discover which of the items I have decorated her room with, have already been destroyed!

X

 

[AliceA]

Ah, now this might be how the masonic tradition began ...
Gxxx

Ha ha @AliceA - that's what I always say when Mum has her trouser leg at 'half mast'.

@kindred - sounds as though you had another lovely visit with Keith.

I DID look up Rude versions of My Favourite Things' - oh my days!

There are several. I am not sure which version you were using, but I consider myself 'a woman of the world' and one version in particular ....... well words fail me! There is also an 'old age version' and the 'Sing a long a Sound of Music' lot listed the best results of a competition to rewrite the words to My Favourite Things too. I think there are lots of alternative versions - trust me to find the downright filthy one!

Off to see Mum tomorrow afternoon and discover which of the items I have decorated her room with, have already been destroyed!

X

I

Ah, now this might be how the masonic tradition began ...
Gxxx

Well could be, his much older brother was a mason he may have differed but I like your answer. Xx

Ha ha @AliceA - that's what I always say when Mum has her trouser leg at 'half mast'.

@kindred - sounds as though you had another lovely visit with Keith.

I DID look up Rude versions of My Favourite Things' - oh my days!

There are several. I am not sure which version you were using, but I consider myself 'a woman of the world' and one version in particular ....... well words fail me! There is also an 'old age version' and the 'Sing a long a Sound of Music' lot listed the best results of a competition to rewrite the words to My Favourite Things too. I think there are lots of alternative versions - trust me to find the downright filthy one!

Off to see Mum tomorrow afternoon and discover which of the items I have decorated her room with, have already been destroyed!

X

I hope that not too much of your efforts will be wasted. X

 

[kindred]

Ha ha @AliceA - that's what I always say when Mum has her trouser leg at 'half mast'.

@kindred - sounds as though you had another lovely visit with Keith.

I DID look up Rude versions of My Favourite Things' - oh my days!

There are several. I am not sure which version you were using, but I consider myself 'a woman of the world' and one version in particular ....... well words fail me! There is also an 'old age version' and the 'Sing a long a Sound of Music' lot listed the best results of a competition to rewrite the words to My Favourite Things too. I think there are lots of alternative versions - trust me to find the downright filthy one!

Off to see Mum tomorrow afternoon and discover which of the items I have decorated her room with, have already been destroyed!

X

I love it, I think ours was the old age one, not really that filthy!! Oh love about the items. Tell us about visit, anyway. with love and best, Geraldinexxx

 

[kindred]

In early today as have been able to bring back work to do at home. Keith sleeping anyway. But as no activity nurses today, residents clustering round and getting cross with each other in the attempt to talk to me. So other nurses made them form an orderly queue and that was amusing in itself. One wanted to tell me that there was a terrible conspiracy going on last night and the upstairs rooms were full of army, navy and airforce people! I agreed to telephone the Government.
Keith woke for a little while then went back to sleep again, but I gather he had been singing this morning, but not Rawhide. This is the time of the endless Christmas stuff ... I mean, how many days do we have to go yet??
Anyway, the trees looked lovely and slightly lowered light level nice.
More tomorrow guys!
love and best and thank you. Geraldine aka kindred. xxxxx

 

[Toony Oony]

Hi @kindred
Got to Mum's yesterday and she was asleep - absolutely soundo - so much so she had missed lunch. I sat there with her asleep for over an hour and a half. The Senior came in for a chat and told me that Mum has been sleeping much more and been a bit 'down' for the last couple of days - however, she evidently springs to life at about 7pm in the evening and there is no holding her. I had this wonderful mental picture of Mum with her zimmer doing a 'Benny Hill' all around her floor, with the Benny Hill music playing (if you happen to remember it).
So far Mum's decorations are holding up quite well .... however Mum has taken to ripping lumps off the tinsel that I used to decorate her zimmer and 'donating' it. So far I have found a bit in her ensuite, another in the dining room, a bit in the lounge etc, and favoured carers have received a bit too.
Mum finally stirred about 45 mins before teatime which is the time that I leave. It took her some time to realise who I was. Then of course she was upset as she had missed most of my visit and didn't want me to go.
While she was asleep I checked my mail and then thinking of the different 'My Favourite Things' versions, came up with my own one:

Folding and refolding white paper tissues
Explaining at length to me, many strange issues
Refusing the food that the cook always brings
These are a few of Mum’s favourite things.

Re-calling days when she was so much younger
Then joining in with some songs I have sung her
Hugging me tightly, to my hand she clings
These are some more of Mum’s favourite things.

Having her nails painted bright vivid hues
Walking around in one sock and odd shoes
Then down the toilet, her washing she slings
Just a few more of Mum’s favourite things.

When the thoughts go
Words just won’t flow
And she’s feeling sad
I wish she’d remember these favourite things
Then she wouldn’t feel so bad.

X

 

[Goldie Girl]

Hi @kindred
Got to Mum's yesterday and she was asleep - absolutely soundo - so much so she had missed lunch. I sat there with her asleep for over an hour and a half. The Senior came in for a chat and told me that Mum has been sleeping much more and been a bit 'down' for the last couple of days - however, she evidently springs to life at about 7pm in the evening and there is no holding her. I had this wonderful mental picture of Mum with her zimmer doing a 'Benny Hill' all around her floor, with the Benny Hill music playing (if you happen to remember it).
So far Mum's decorations are holding up quite well .... however Mum has taken to ripping lumps off the tinsel that I used to decorate her zimmer and 'donating' it. So far I have found a bit in her ensuite, another in the dining room, a bit in the lounge etc, and favoured carers have received a bit too.
Mum finally stirred about 45 mins before teatime which is the time that I leave. It took her some time to realise who I was. Then of course she was upset as she had missed most of my visit and didn't want me to go.
While she was asleep I checked my mail and then thinking of the different 'My Favourite Things' versions, came up with my own one:

Folding and refolding white paper tissues
Explaining at length to me, many strange issues
Refusing the food that the cook always brings
These are a few of Mum’s favourite things.

Re-calling days when she was so much younger
Then joining in with some songs I have sung her
Hugging me tightly, to my hand she clings
These are some more of Mum’s favourite things.

Having her nails painted bright vivid hues
Walking around in one sock and odd shoes
Then down the toilet, her washing she slings
Just a few more of Mum’s favourite things.

When the thoughts go
Words just won’t flow
And she’s feeling sad
I wish she’d remember these favourite things
Then she wouldn’t feel so bad.

X

Hi it's nearly 5am I do not sleep well because of arthritis but I loved your favourite things and had heart ache at your last paragraph. I am going to try and write one for my Mum after I finally get some sleep though Mum's most favourite thing at the moment is escaping and not washing.Night night all.

 

[kindred]

Hi @kindred
Got to Mum's yesterday and she was asleep - absolutely soundo - so much so she had missed lunch. I sat there with her asleep for over an hour and a half. The Senior came in for a chat and told me that Mum has been sleeping much more and been a bit 'down' for the last couple of days - however, she evidently springs to life at about 7pm in the evening and there is no holding her. I had this wonderful mental picture of Mum with her zimmer doing a 'Benny Hill' all around her floor, with the Benny Hill music playing (if you happen to remember it).
So far Mum's decorations are holding up quite well .... however Mum has taken to ripping lumps off the tinsel that I used to decorate her zimmer and 'donating' it. So far I have found a bit in her ensuite, another in the dining room, a bit in the lounge etc, and favoured carers have received a bit too.
Mum finally stirred about 45 mins before teatime which is the time that I leave. It took her some time to realise who I was. Then of course she was upset as she had missed most of my visit and didn't want me to go.
While she was asleep I checked my mail and then thinking of the different 'My Favourite Things' versions, came up with my own one:

Folding and refolding white paper tissues
Explaining at length to me, many strange issues
Refusing the food that the cook always brings
These are a few of Mum’s favourite things.

Re-calling days when she was so much younger
Then joining in with some songs I have sung her
Hugging me tightly, to my hand she clings
These are some more of Mum’s favourite things.

Having her nails painted bright vivid hues
Walking around in one sock and odd shoes
Then down the toilet, her washing she slings
Just a few more of Mum’s favourite things.

When the thoughts go
Words just won’t flow
And she’s feeling sad
I wish she’d remember these favourite things
Then she wouldn’t feel so bad.

Oh this is wondrous, wondrous. Thank you so very much. This is just poignant and funny and sad and so so so much like it is. Thankyou with all my heart. with love, Geraldinexxxx

X

 

[kindred]

Hi it's nearly 5am I do not sleep well because of arthritis but I loved your favourite things and had heart ache at your last paragraph. I am going to try and write one for my Mum after I finally get some sleep though Mum's most favourite thing at the moment is escaping and not washing.Night night all.

Hello! Great to hear from you and this is a good idea, this writing favourite things for our loved ones. I am sorry about your arthritis. I do understand, am having hip done soon, could not do while Keith was at home. All sympathy. Thank you! with love and best, Geraldinexxx

 

[Toony Oony]

Hi @Goldie Girl - nice to 'meet' you and glad that 'Mum's favourite things' entertained you in the wee small hours. She has a few more 'favourite things' but they are not suitable for public consumption!!!

Sorry your arthritis is painful - had a knee replacement 4 years ago and was so glad to get rid of those pains. Hope you managed to get a few restful hours before getting up.

X

 

[kindred]

So far today I have been unable to allay Keith's concerns about laminating machines. He has never trusted them and is obviously reliving memories.
I have to say he has never ever looked as handsome as he did when they wheeled him in today, and his nurses are so proud of the way he looks. Wearing blue check shirt and over it, a dark turquoise jumper (which needs a couple of darns in it, I notice, so I will).
Today, when energy felt a bit low with the residents, it makes me so grateful for the fun and sparkle of the gorgeous nurses who do not let anything get in the way of their sense of fun, love and compassion.
There is a Christmas party this late afternoon and evening, but I will not go as am just too tired and have to get up early for work, but I will be there all around Christmas and Christmas day itself of course. Meanwhile balloons are being blown up and some, er, let off for the farty noise. Residents cheering.
Back to the laminating machines, I am promising Keith I will send for one that works and he confides in me that they are bloody hard work. I know, i say, not capable of much sustained effort (quoting my favourite line about the carthorse in wind in the willows).
More residents singing the cowboy carol with me so I think I really am on a winner there! Keith actually joined in Rawhide today so that was a victory, too.
As I leave, Keith is reminding me of my promise to find a laminating machine that works ...
Thanks guys, if y ou ever find one that works, keep me in mind. xxxxxx
with love and best, Geraldine aka kindred. Back on thursday.

 

[AliceA]

So far today I have been unable to allay Keith's concerns about laminating machines. He has never trusted them and is obviously reliving memories.
I have to say he has never ever looked as handsome as he did when they wheeled him in today, and his nurses are so proud of the way he looks. Wearing blue check shirt and over it, a dark turquoise jumper (which needs a couple of darns in it, I notice, so I will).
Today, when energy felt a bit low with the residents, it makes me so grateful for the fun and sparkle of the gorgeous nurses who do not let anything get in the way of their sense of fun, love and compassion.
There is a Christmas party this late afternoon and evening, but I will not go as am just too tired and have to get up early for work, but I will be there all around Christmas and Christmas day itself of course. Meanwhile balloons are being blown up and some, er, let off for the farty noise. Residents cheering.
Back to the laminating machines, I am promising Keith I will send for one that works and he confides in me that they are bloody hard work. I know, i say, not capable of much sustained effort (quoting my favourite line about the carthorse in wind in the willows).
More residents singing the cowboy carol with me so I think I really am on a winner there! Keith actually joined in Rawhide today so that was a victory, too.
As I leave, Keith is reminding me of my promise to find a laminating machine that works ...
Thanks guys, if y ou ever find one that works, keep me in mind. xxxxxx
with love and best, Geraldine aka kindred. Back on thursday.

Good luck! Xxx

 

[Toony Oony]

Hi @kindred - had a nice afternoon with Mum, although it would appear that she is now mixing me up a bit with other people. The female robot cat (that Mum now insists is a male dog) is blessedly silent - but I will remedy that with some batteries on my next visit.
The staff have been actively trying to get Mum up early, and keep her out of her room and socialising, to stop her sleeping so much. This has been relatively successful although Mum refused point blank to join in with the virtual reality glasses session this morning!

I thought we would 'do the Xmas cards' this afternoon. A job that Mum has never truly enjoyed. Last year I organised some personalised pre-printed cards for her. Mum and I inserted the cards, sealed the envelopes, stuck the address labels on that I had printed and added the stamps. We did it together and it was a bit of a production line. I had no illusions that this year would run as smoothly but oh boy - the reality really banged home how far Mum has deteriorated.

This year, I decided to stick the address labels on the envelopes and put the cards in the envelopes pre-visit. I showed Mum the pre-printed and personalised cards ( which she liked), I sealed the envelopes and then peeled off stamps for her to stick on. She insisted on sticking the stamp over the address. I explained that it had to go on the blue bit (the envelope) as the postman would not be able to read the address if she stuck the stamp over it .......but she insisted on sticking it over the address. I then put my fingers over the address label to mask it .... so she stuck the stamp on my hand. After doing one small pile with the stamp in all manner of places and positions, and VERY CLOSE to the address, I left Mum for a few minutes to make us a cup of tea. When I returned she was busy ripping open all the cards that we had just finished ! So very sad ... perhaps I should have realised that she would have problems now with even the simplest task? I try hard to get her to be the best that she can be, and try to prolong her limited independence - but now it's like pushing water uphill. I praised her efforts and she was proud of what she had done, bless her. Now I am back home and sorting everything out before posting.

I'm glad that the Cowboy Carol is proving to be a success. I remembered another one that I learned about 45 years ago that I thought was really lovely. 'A Little Lonely Shepherd Boy Sat on a Hill' - do you know that one? Evidently it was made quite famous by Nina and Frederik (blast from the past) and came out the year I was born. There is a youtube video of them singing it and I can find the lyrics but not the music (boo!) As I remember it, the accompaniment is really good fun - I found the music on a well-known auction site, but refuse to cough up £8 plus postage. I'll keep looking!

Take care X

 

[Herecomestrouble]

Arrive after work expecting to find Keith asleep but no, he is waiting for me because apparently I can resolve what to do about the fact he has dropped the corporation tax file overboard ...
I explain that I will get my wet suit and retrieve it and he is immediately happier and starts to sing.
Wow!! Busy, so many visitors, we are one big club, everyone goes around talking to everyone else, it's so lovely. Means the residents get loads of visitors too.
Tonight I have to book a cruise along the Nile, or pretend to, as I have promised one of the residents who wants us to go together and she will show me all the sights!
Sing a bit more with Keith and then come on home, have to do another early day at work tomorrow ...
thanks guys, we're all aboard again, apart from that Corporation Tax file ... Geraldinexxx

Hi there,
Have just joined this forum after a tough day with my OH who is 18 years my senior and has Parkinson’s and now mild dementia. Am acutely aware that I/ we are at the beginning of what could turn out to be a long and tough journey ( “ adventure”?) on a road that is well trodden by all those ahead of us, but I take courage and inspiration from reading posts such as yours which describe the ongoing love affair between you and your OH despite such v changed circumstances...so moving and beautiful.
I have dropped from full time work in a Camhs team , to two days, but even that after disturbed nights is proving hard , esp with colleagues being the source of additional stress. We are not at the care home crossroads yet though a very supportive neighbour regularly reminds me that it is an option and that there is no shame going down that path. In my darker sadder moments I do think that care staff in a good carehome would offer better care than I do when I am tired and stressed and upset at how I am being treated, And would provide much needed stimulation..but as I say we are not at that point yet. As a former and very skilled artist, I arranged someone to come to engage with my husband in some creative activity,( and company) but after only two sessions his response was that he felt patronised by my having set it up and did not want it to continue.
I find it a lonely existence, not because I am alone ( as a natural introvert I don’t get as much time to be on my own as I would like) but because my husband and lover is no longer the man I have been in love with and who I would have turned to for support, comfort and wise counsel in times of difficulty, but who I can can no longer do so with. I try every day, all the time , to accept and appreciate what we have now rather than regret the absence of what could have been, but it is hard.
I take comfort from knowing that others share the same feelings and experiences...which is why such forums as this are invaluable.

 

[Goldie Girl]

Hi @Goldie Girl - nice to 'meet' you and glad that 'Mum's favourite things' entertained you in the wee small hours. She has a few more 'favourite things' but they are not suitable for public consumption!!!

Sorry your arthritis is painful - had a knee replacement 4 years ago and was so glad to get rid of those pains. Hope you managed to get a few restful hours before getting up.

X

Nice to meet you too, Mum's favourite thing at the moment is that she won't wash or shower as well as many other things.
The Doc's won't do any hip or knee replacements yet they reckon I'm too Young! Doesn't help when the pains so bad though, Thank you I did manage to get a few hours sleep.

 

[Goldie Girl]

Hello! Great to hear from you and this is a good idea, this writing favourite things for our loved ones. I am sorry about your arthritis. I do understand, am having hip done soon, could not do while Keith was at home. All sympathy. Thank you! with love and best, Geraldinexxx

I haven't managed yet I had a Nurse appointment that went on for ever and the Elderly Mental Health Hospital and us can't persuade Mum to wash or shower we have said we will try again tomorrow watch this space! But tonight I am going to start writing I think its a lovely idea. Love and best wishes hope your hip get done very soon Kerryxx

 

[Goldie Girl]

Sorry to be on your thread so much but I have been reading it for a while and you are an inspiration Kindred. I am a retired Staff Nurse and earlier on your thread someone had said more training needs to be given. I agree our managers went on courses and to University and were supposed to filter the information down to us but never did. Though after caring for a dementia patient during a night shift she gave me a big kiss and said it's lovely how well Asda looks after us it's such a good company!!!

 

[kindred]

Hi @kindred - had a nice afternoon with Mum, although it would appear that she is now mixing me up a bit with other people. The female robot cat (that Mum now insists is a male dog) is blessedly silent - but I will remedy that with some batteries on my next visit.
The staff have been actively trying to get Mum up early, and keep her out of her room and socialising, to stop her sleeping so much. This has been relatively successful although Mum refused point blank to join in with the virtual reality glasses session this morning!

I thought we would 'do the Xmas cards' this afternoon. A job that Mum has never truly enjoyed. Last year I organised some personalised pre-printed cards for her. Mum and I inserted the cards, sealed the envelopes, stuck the address labels on that I had printed and added the stamps. We did it together and it was a bit of a production line. I had no illusions that this year would run as smoothly but oh boy - the reality really banged home how far Mum has deteriorated.

This year, I decided to stick the address labels on the envelopes and put the cards in the envelopes pre-visit. I showed Mum the pre-printed and personalised cards ( which she liked), I sealed the envelopes and then peeled off stamps for her to stick on. She insisted on sticking the stamp over the address. I explained that it had to go on the blue bit (the envelope) as the postman would not be able to read the address if she stuck the stamp over it .......but she insisted on sticking it over the address. I then put my fingers over the address label to mask it .... so she stuck the stamp on my hand. After doing one small pile with the stamp in all manner of places and positions, and VERY CLOSE to the address, I left Mum for a few minutes to make us a cup of tea. When I returned she was busy ripping open all the cards that we had just finished ! So very sad ... perhaps I should have realised that she would have problems now with even the simplest task? I try hard to get her to be the best that she can be, and try to prolong her limited independence - but now it's like pushing water uphill. I praised her efforts and she was proud of what she had done, bless her. Now I am back home and sorting everything out before posting.

I'm glad that the Cowboy Carol is proving to be a success. I remembered another one that I learned about 45 years ago that I thought was really lovely. 'A Little Lonely Shepherd Boy Sat on a Hill' - do you know that one? Evidently it was made quite famous by Nina and Frederik (blast from the past) and came out the year I was born. There is a youtube video of them singing it and I can find the lyrics but not the music (boo!) As I remember it, the accompaniment is really good fun - I found the music on a well-known auction site, but refuse to cough up £8 plus postage. I'll keep looking!

Take care X

So good to hear from you,have just popped intoTP in tea break at work! I will track down the little shepherd boy, sounds lovely. That was so poignant about your mum and the cards, sweetheart. Thank you, with love and best,Geraldinex