My husband, JH, I am totally convinced has dementia, he will absolutely not visit a doctor, however there is no doubt this is the problem. His memory is poor with some things, he can no longer read or understand the clock has difficulties with the days of the week, reading, numbers in general and his speech is poor, he can't find the words, these are just some of the symptoms. Mood swings can be bad, he becomes aggressive and angry, won't leave the house and won't let me leave him alone even for a short time. This is not my husband, he was your all singing and all dancing sort of person, not this quiet, withdrawn and angry person who is now in his place.
My despair comes from being at home alone coping with this stranger, for I feel I've lost my lovely husband and I am constantly walking on eggshells. Don't get me wrong I love him dearly, I've just lost him and I'm alone with him and without him, my heart is breaking, I'm trying to reach him and seldom can. Even simple conversation is difficult, he does ask questions and I try to simplify everything I say to make it easy for him to understand. I'm exhausted, I don't sleep well and my own health is suffering , my anxiety levels are through the roof, sometimes I think my heart is going to burst is racing so fast. I have spoken to my doctor, who has given me diazapam to help me through the bad days, I don't want to always rely on these and dependent ,also I'm a bit spaced out on them. I have my sister in law who I can talk to, but she lives in another country and no other family members, it's a lonely and stressful place I'm in. I know this is it, this is my life, I just wish I could cope without the dreadful anxiety. I am not a tearful person but find I'm reduced to tears of frustration and loneliness. JH will put his arms around me and tell me we'll be alright Francy, you and me, and this breaks my heart even more. How do I get my strength back, I need to cope with this better.
Francy
My despair comes from being at home alone coping with this stranger, for I feel I've lost my lovely husband and I am constantly walking on eggshells. Don't get me wrong I love him dearly, I've just lost him and I'm alone with him and without him, my heart is breaking, I'm trying to reach him and seldom can. Even simple conversation is difficult, he does ask questions and I try to simplify everything I say to make it easy for him to understand. I'm exhausted, I don't sleep well and my own health is suffering , my anxiety levels are through the roof, sometimes I think my heart is going to burst is racing so fast. I have spoken to my doctor, who has given me diazapam to help me through the bad days, I don't want to always rely on these and dependent ,also I'm a bit spaced out on them. I have my sister in law who I can talk to, but she lives in another country and no other family members, it's a lonely and stressful place I'm in. I know this is it, this is my life, I just wish I could cope without the dreadful anxiety. I am not a tearful person but find I'm reduced to tears of frustration and loneliness. JH will put his arms around me and tell me we'll be alright Francy, you and me, and this breaks my heart even more. How do I get my strength back, I need to cope with this better.
Francy