Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

AliceA

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May 27, 2016
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Bless him, it is lovely to hear that he had such a good time. Belated happy birthday to him. Xxx
 

AliceA

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May 27, 2016
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I think you are right about people not knowing what to say. They can over identify too.
On TV a politician proudly said about policy that if it is not right for him is not right for anyone else.
I winched, because what right for him young, fit, able with transport may be the opposite of what is right for others.
 

kindred

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Apr 8, 2018
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I think you are right about people not knowing what to say. They can over identify too.
On TV a politician proudly said about policy that if it is not right for him is not right for anyone else.
I winched, because what right for him young, fit, able with transport may be the opposite of what is right for others.
Dear oh dear, he actually said that?? Bloomin heck. Yes, I know people don't know what to say, I get that. Still does my head in though! Lovely to hear from you! Love and best, Geraldinexx
 

AliceA

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May 27, 2016
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Yes, he was on the Politic Show.utterly clueless.
Lovely to hear your news.
Early start tomorrow, hospital trip for my husband to remove skin cancers.
He tends to be up in the middle of the night in case we are late. He has had a flare up of eczema, looks quite bad. I did explain early appointment are not a good idea with journey as well. But hospitals are not always dementia aware! So will try for an early night!. God bless x
 

kindred

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Apr 8, 2018
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Yes, he was on the Politic Show.utterly clueless.
Lovely to hear your news.
Early start tomorrow, hospital trip for my husband to remove skin cancers.
He tends to be up in the middle of the night in case we are late. He has had a flare up of eczema, looks quite bad. I did explain early appointment are not a good idea with journey as well. But hospitals are not always dementia aware! So will try for an early night!. God bless x
Sweetheart, God bless YOU and I hope the trip goes well. Please tell us about it when o come back. with love, Gxx
 

kindred

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Apr 8, 2018
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In I go. keith opens his arms to me and shout, so far so good! Everyone laughs (who isn't asleep - there's politics on the telly - latest being our great leaders cannot agree to debate on ITV or BBC. You could not make this up).
Main incident today is saucy and it's my fault. I am always doing the singalong Tarara Boomdia. But have absolutely no idea where this comes from so look it up on Google and oh dear, it's not Boom, it's bum and it's very very rude. Will have to adapt the lyrics. When I tell Activity nurse, she starts to sing and says she has a vague memory of the words, and she's singing
Tarara Boomdia, my knickers flew away, they went on hollday, tarara Boomdia!
You have never seen so many big big smiles and giggles from the residents especially as she is doing an interpretation of the song, as it were, though keeping knickers on. Both of us pretend to catch an invisible pair of knickers from the air! Wonderful, magical!
High winds, I got to Keith through the sleet.
As I leave, my blue eyed boy calls out, I can't find the bloody door!!
All love, guys, thank you for being here with me, makes all the difference. Thank you. With love, Geraldinexx
 

AliceA

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May 27, 2016
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I really smiled at your post, it sounds a fun place. It gives me hope.

We had a fairly good start, I was not disturbed too early, the storm was horrendous, I gather it was Storm Diana.
We were lucky as the 23 miles only took an hour and a half. Our volunteer driver has a large powerful car.
Sometimes the journey can be far longer. The motorway was full of lorries and spray, I put us in an imaginary bubble of peace and calm. OK the white van is pulling up outside now, but it works for me!

I had explained why morning appointments do not work but was given one anyway, I took it as it was important, I did not want to leave it until after Christmas.
We had to wait in a narrow corridor, we arrived early just after 9, in case we were late due to the traffic difficulties in the area.
The due time was 10.00 we were seen at 12.00. My husband was dosing on and off. I explained that we had a driver and his time was restricted. ( Volunteer usually have a two hour waiting time, this is an angel.)
Also it had been an early start, (he finally woke at 5) and I mentioned he had 'other problems'. The nurse took the point.
He was seen and the cancers zapped. The wounds are dressed with Vaseline and I have instructions to continue this. This information was conducted in a wider bit of corridor with both standing and people walking by, I did manage to get advice on eczema, this has flared up this week I think it is the anxiety that any appointment now generates.
Contact numbers were if I feel the wounds get an infection, no, I am not a nurse, but just added that to my CV.
We eventually got home somewhat overtired. This is a bit wordy but I needed to express why I find hospital not Dementia Friendly.
Now bless him he is sleeping.

I think that many medics have little dementia training, the lack of quiet space and time, inconvenient times.
I do not see why it could not have been carried out at the local hospital. It used to be.
They do not realise the anxiety engendered. The constant passing of people meant leg room was tight.

Much of this sounds petty except to people on here. Much of this is not about funding but policy.
It has certainly made me very protective and quietly determinedly assertive with a smile.
The blood of my Irish great grandmother lives!

Thank you for asking, Geraldine. Hospital visits affect us all.
 

Grahamstown

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Jan 12, 2018
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84
East of England
I really smiled at your post, it sounds a fun place. It gives me hope.

We had a fairly good start, I was not disturbed too early, the storm was horrendous, I gather it was Storm Diana.
We were lucky as the 23 miles only took an hour and a half. Our volunteer driver has a large powerful car.
Sometimes the journey can be far longer. The motorway was full of lorries and spray, I put us in an imaginary bubble of peace and calm. OK the white van is pulling up outside now, but it works for me!

I had explained why morning appointments do not work but was given one anyway, I took it as it was important, I did not want to leave it until after Christmas.
We had to wait in a narrow corridor, we arrived early just after 9, in case we were late due to the traffic difficulties in the area.
The due time was 10.00 we were seen at 12.00. My husband was dosing on and off. I explained that we had a driver and his time was restricted. ( Volunteer usually have a two hour waiting time, this is an angel.)
Also it had been an early start, (he finally woke at 5) and I mentioned he had 'other problems'. The nurse took the point.
He was seen and the cancers zapped. The wounds are dressed with Vaseline and I have instructions to continue this. This information was conducted in a wider bit of corridor with both standing and people walking by, I did manage to get advice on eczema, this has flared up this week I think it is the anxiety that any appointment now generates.
Contact numbers were if I feel the wounds get an infection, no, I am not a nurse, but just added that to my CV.
We eventually got home somewhat overtired. This is a bit wordy but I needed to express why I find hospital not Dementia Friendly.
Now bless him he is sleeping.

I think that many medics have little dementia training, the lack of quiet space and time, inconvenient times.
I do not see why it could not have been carried out at the local hospital. It used to be.
They do not realise the anxiety engendered. The constant passing of people meant leg room was tight.

Much of this sounds petty except to people on here. Much of this is not about funding but policy.
It has certainly made me very protective and quietly determinedly assertive with a smile.
The blood of my Irish great grandmother lives!

Thank you for asking, Geraldine. Hospital visits affect us all.
I absolutely agree that medical training in dementia care in general hospitals is poor. When my husband had to go to hospital for treatment, I asked the various people if they were a dementia friendly department and that did help as it made them aware and they were receptive. I was a bit worried about the reaction but it was positive and I realised that there was awareness but only when you drew attention to the issue.
 

Toony Oony

Registered User
Jun 21, 2016
576
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Hi all - in my limited experience the geriatric ward in our local hospital was pretty good dementia wise. Mum had a very pretty and subtle forget me not sticker above her bed when she was there, as a warning to all comers! A & E though was dire - although they did get her into a curtained bay as a matter of priority, but the outpatients is consistently beyond the pale. Why is it when you try and explain that early starts are difficult, do they always offer you a 9 o clock appointment and basically say 'Put up with it'. I have had many a phone skirmish over Mum's appointments in the past. Hope your OH settles quickly after all the action @AliceA.

Glad Keith had a good birthday @kindred!

I want to know why the first thing everyone asks me about Mum is 'does she still know who you are' - they are literally busting to ask and find out. Like @Grahamstown said, I think they are just voicing their deepest fears about the disease.

We always sang 'Tarara Boom de ay - the Queen had twins today' - I was totally unaware of the underwear version! Next week I am having a carol sing a long with the residents (no tarara boom de ay there!), so I need to start brushing up on the old ivories - so many things have taken a back seat since Mum became poorly.
My Christmas patchwork cushions that the Manager bought have been dotted around in the CH coffee shop area. I rather immodestly think they look nice, but evidently so does everyone else. Too nice in fact. I have been asked for more! Lots of residents didn't get their act together at the Christmas Fair to buy one, and now they are thinking what a nice gift they would be for one of their family. I have none left. The Senior Activities Organiser asked me how many could I make before Christmas. Arrrrrrrggggghhhhh .......:eek: - she doesn't seem to realise how long they take, and how much I have to attempt to fit in the periods between afternoons spent with Mum. I need 48 hour days and 14 day weeks.

At tomorrow's visit I am removing the roses with which I adorned the basket on Mum's zimmer, and replacing them with tinsel and the odd bauble. Very festive - hope she likes it and doesn't try to dismantle it instantly!

Keep warm, dry and well everyone

XX
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
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I absolutely agree that medical training in dementia care in general hospitals is poor. When my husband had to go to hospital for treatment, I asked the various people if they were a dementia friendly department and that did help as it made them aware and they were receptive. I was a bit worried about the reaction but it was positive and I realised that there was awareness but only when you drew attention to the issue.

I have found that up to a point, this consultant is not so aware even when told he did not follow through.
The cramped busy space with not enough chairs did not help.
I think for me. The time of the appointment made it difficult because my husband does get anxious not to be late. Once he was dressed and coat on at 2 am to go out at 10.
When I was in myself I found the care assistants more aware than many nurses and some doctors. It seems very hit and miss.
I try to avoid telling too soon but a diary is a constant companion, a version of 'the little black book' :):):)
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
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Hi all - in my limited experience the geriatric ward in our local hospital was pretty good dementia wise. Mum had a very pretty and subtle forget me not sticker above her bed when she was there, as a warning to all comers! A & E though was dire - although they did get her into a curtained bay as a matter of priority, but the outpatients is consistently beyond the pale. Why is it when you try and explain that early starts are difficult, do they always offer you a 9 o clock appointment and basically say 'Put up with it'. I have had many a phone skirmish over Mum's appointments in the past. Hope your OH settles quickly after all the action @AliceA.

Glad Keith had a good birthday @kindred!

I want to know why the first thing everyone asks me about Mum is 'does she still know who you are' - they are literally busting to ask and find out. Like @Grahamstown said, I think they are just voicing their deepest fears about the disease.

We always sang 'Tarara Boom de ay - the Queen had twins today' - I was totally unaware of the underwear version! Next week I am having a carol sing a long with the residents (no tarara boom de ay there!), so I need to start brushing up on the old ivories - so many things have taken a back seat since Mum became poorly.
My Christmas patchwork cushions that the Manager bought have been dotted around in the CH coffee shop area. I rather immodestly think they look nice, but evidently so does everyone else. Too nice in fact. I have been asked for more! Lots of residents didn't get their act together at the Christmas Fair to buy one, and now they are thinking what a nice gift they would be for one of their family. I have none left. The Senior Activities Organiser asked me how many could I make before Christmas. Arrrrrrrggggghhhhh .......:eek: - she doesn't seem to realise how long they take, and how much I have to attempt to fit in the periods between afternoons spent with Mum. I need 48 hour days and 14 day weeks.

At tomorrow's visit I am removing the roses with which I adorned the basket on Mum's zimmer, and replacing them with tinsel and the odd bauble. Very festive - hope she likes it and doesn't try to dismantle it instantly!

Keep warm, dry and well everyone

XX
I like the sticker idea, perhaps we should stick them on the forms we fill in.
When you find a supplier of 48 hour 14 day weeks please let me know! X
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
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I really smiled at your post, it sounds a fun place. It gives me hope.

We had a fairly good start, I was not disturbed too early, the storm was horrendous, I gather it was Storm Diana.
We were lucky as the 23 miles only took an hour and a half. Our volunteer driver has a large powerful car.
Sometimes the journey can be far longer. The motorway was full of lorries and spray, I put us in an imaginary bubble of peace and calm. OK the white van is pulling up outside now, but it works for me!

I had explained why morning appointments do not work but was given one anyway, I took it as it was important, I did not want to leave it until after Christmas.
We had to wait in a narrow corridor, we arrived early just after 9, in case we were late due to the traffic difficulties in the area.
The due time was 10.00 we were seen at 12.00. My husband was dosing on and off. I explained that we had a driver and his time was restricted. ( Volunteer usually have a two hour waiting time, this is an angel.)
Also it had been an early start, (he finally woke at 5) and I mentioned he had 'other problems'. The nurse took the point.
He was seen and the cancers zapped. The wounds are dressed with Vaseline and I have instructions to continue this. This information was conducted in a wider bit of corridor with both standing and people walking by, I did manage to get advice on eczema, this has flared up this week I think it is the anxiety that any appointment now generates.
Contact numbers were if I feel the wounds get an infection, no, I am not a nurse, but just added that to my CV.
We eventually got home somewhat overtired. This is a bit wordy but I needed to express why I find hospital not Dementia Friendly.
Now bless him he is sleeping.

I think that many medics have little dementia training, the lack of quiet space and time, inconvenient times.
I do not see why it could not have been carried out at the local hospital. It used to be.
They do not realise the anxiety engendered. The constant passing of people meant leg room was tight.

Much of this sounds petty except to people on here. Much of this is not about funding but policy.
It has certainly made me very protective and quietly determinedly assertive with a smile.
The blood of my Irish great grandmother lives!

Thank you for asking, Geraldine. Hospital visits affect us all.
Oh my darling, thank you for telling us and thank goodness you are home and safe now. Well done, this was an ordeal and so much anxiety ... yes, no idea, no idea they haven't got a clue what it does to us. Bless you, sweetheart, bless you. All my thoughts, with love and with you, Geraldinexxxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
Hi all - in my limited experience the geriatric ward in our local hospital was pretty good dementia wise. Mum had a very pretty and subtle forget me not sticker above her bed when she was there, as a warning to all comers! A & E though was dire - although they did get her into a curtained bay as a matter of priority, but the outpatients is consistently beyond the pale. Why is it when you try and explain that early starts are difficult, do they always offer you a 9 o clock appointment and basically say 'Put up with it'. I have had many a phone skirmish over Mum's appointments in the past. Hope your OH settles quickly after all the action @AliceA.

Glad Keith had a good birthday @kindred!

I want to know why the first thing everyone asks me about Mum is 'does she still know who you are' - they are literally busting to ask and find out. Like @Grahamstown said, I think they are just voicing their deepest fears about the disease.

We always sang 'Tarara Boom de ay - the Queen had twins today' - I was totally unaware of the underwear version! Next week I am having a carol sing a long with the residents (no tarara boom de ay there!), so I need to start brushing up on the old ivories - so many things have taken a back seat since Mum became poorly.
My Christmas patchwork cushions that the Manager bought have been dotted around in the CH coffee shop area. I rather immodestly think they look nice, but evidently so does everyone else. Too nice in fact. I have been asked for more! Lots of residents didn't get their act together at the Christmas Fair to buy one, and now they are thinking what a nice gift they would be for one of their family. I have none left. The Senior Activities Organiser asked me how many could I make before Christmas. Arrrrrrrggggghhhhh .......:eek: - she doesn't seem to realise how long they take, and how much I have to attempt to fit in the periods between afternoons spent with Mum. I need 48 hour days and 14 day weeks.

At tomorrow's visit I am removing the roses with which I adorned the basket on Mum's zimmer, and replacing them with tinsel and the odd bauble. Very festive - hope she likes it and doesn't try to dismantle it instantly!

Keep warm, dry and well everyone

XX
Absolutely, does he still know you, absolutely top question. Yes, it's their own fears. I now get endless questions about living alone ... again, they are projecting fears. Trouble is, these questions lodge in our brain and we have to be a bit resilient. Sometimes I answer by saying, well, who knows anyone, really ... !!!
Your cushions sound gorgeous. What, how many you could make before Christmas??? And I so love the idea of tinsel on the zimmer, bring it on!!!
And I will try that other Queen twins version, see if the residents know it!! Thank you so very much, brilliant to hear from you! Gxxxxwith love.
 

AliceA

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May 27, 2016
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Oh my darling, thank you for telling us and thank goodness you are home and safe now. Well done, this was an ordeal and so much anxiety ... yes, no idea, no idea they haven't got a clue what it does to us. Bless you, sweetheart, bless you. All my thoughts, with love and with you, Geraldinexxxx

All blessings to you and Keith too. It was an early night and looks like a late morning. bless him, he was exhausted. I spent time ordering more dressings, I have enough for two days.
Thank goodness for on line shopping! So will have a very quiet potter! Xxx
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
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Absolutely, does he still know you, absolutely top question. Yes, it's their own fears. I now get endless questions about living alone ... again, they are projecting fears. Trouble is, these questions lodge in our brain and we have to be a bit resilient. Sometimes I answer by saying, well, who knows anyone, really ... !!!
Your cushions sound gorgeous. What, how many you could make before Christmas??? And I so love the idea of tinsel on the zimmer, bring it on!!!
And I will try that other Queen twins version, see if the residents know it!! Thank you so very much, brilliant to hear from you! Gxxxxwith love.

People do try to project fears, I often deflect by saying it happens to anybody, even the most clever. A bit unkind as they usually think their own cleverness is at stake. But if they were that clever they would have more understanding!
The hardest thing is to find an answer to , is he better yet! This lack of knowledge needs a softer kinder approach, these people really haven't a clue. I just say, up and down, up and down.
They can identify with that.
It did hurt but I am growing a teflon skin with holes in it. I can still be caught unawares by some unthoughtful remark.
 

Grahamstown

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Jan 12, 2018
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84
East of England
@Toony Oony I picked up on this comment, “I want to know why the first thing everyone asks me about Mum is 'does she still know who you are' - they are literally busting to ask and find out.” I went to lunch with my old friends yesterday and our son came and had lunch with his father. I could see it in their eyes as they asked how he was and did he know who certain people were. They said they couldn’t believe it had happened to him and I could sense the anxiety as they made comments about their own memory. I tried to explain that dementia is no respecter of persons and it could happen to almost anyone. So we end up trying to help other people deal with their own fears of dementia, because deal with it is all we can do with no cure. One friend, who has reason to be anxious, made a remark about a cure being discovered soon. I made suitable noises because you can’t give up hope even though there is nothing on the horizon. I think you have said something similar @AliceA and at the moment the support we get on TP is the best thing.
 

kindred

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Apr 8, 2018
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Here I am, early as have to run church group this afternoon.

Teaser: Keith's parting words to me were the strangest yet ... do not scroll down, allow yourselves to get their organically, as it were.
When I arrive, Keith assures me that he has got all the pieces and that it is an ironic situation ...
Naturally I ask him to say more but he has gone to sleep in that instant.
Everyone else is very sleepy too.
Grab a load of soft toys and with the residents who are awake, I sing songs about their favourite animals. No activity nurses in today.
Keith stays asleep until lunchtime and then falls asleep at once afterwards but not before he has said to me:
KEEP AWAY FROM THE DEFENESTRATION OF PRAGUE ...
OK Guys, who knows about this?
More tomorrow!
Love and best, Geraldinexxxxz
 

AliceA

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May 27, 2016
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Yes, sometimes I try and educate and stress the positives as well. The things we still enjoy.
I remember the time when few would mention cancer, the same with AIDS.
Fear is everyone's greatest enemy.
TP does seem our refuge, I am so glad I found it, friends.
 

kindred

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Apr 8, 2018
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I went in today in a state of agitation. I had gone out of my comfort zone and gone shopping. I don't mean the round the supermarket and dash back kind, but I had to go to a SHOPPING CENTRE to enquire about mending my lovely flat boots... I realise now how narrow my world is, how out of touch and afraid I am of the noise, the lights, the way things are done ... I was quoted seventy quid to mend (replace the unit, resole basicaly) the boots which is twice what I paid for them several years ago ... We compromised on new heels for fifteen but I am appalled ...I'm no good out in the world any more. I wonder if I can carry on living under the radar.
Anyway, when got to Keith's, it was like Sleeping Beauty. Nearly all the residents asleep and some of the nurses walking around in a bit of a haze. Apparently it had been a bad night for many residents, high winds, not able to sleep. And as for some of the staff, they had been to the staff christmas party ...
Keith woke briefly to tell me I had a boreaola (?)
Not possible to do my usual concert for all, so went round singing to and with individuals, giving them gentle singing lessons through encouragement, and that was lovely. Made up a few more songs.
Visitors arrived and were similarly puzzled by everyone asleep! So we had a kind of visitor get together. That was nice.
Well, that's different guys!! Back on Monday, thank you so much for being with me, and keep away from the shops unless you are bolder than me! L:eek:ve and best, Geraldinexxx
 

AliceA

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May 27, 2016
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I empathise, we had a very slow walk to a village church Christmas Market, it is a bit of a shuffly day.
The light was allright going but I realised it would be rough coming back.
We met several people who asked the same questions, some unanswerable in public, it was too noisy and crowded. The walker got in the way. I was glad to start back!
Just got home before the dark really decended.
Unfortunately I let slip I could not find my torch, so unlikely places are being searched noisily.
Home really is best these days.
So I think, Geraldine, we are just reacting to stress in general. An animal would just curl up in a corner, we struggle on.
I am getting more adverse to noise.
My Guardian Angel is working overtime! I just said that and the sound is not working on TV. :(:):)