So I recently posted about my frustration with the unknown and how dementia is so unpredictable, and how I once grieved thinking my Grandad was on his last legs, but he's been going strong with some really good days for months.
Then last week he took a turn for the worse and has deteriorated quite dramatically over the past week. He is no longer speaking, he stares in a daze and his legs have turned white, I suppose where the blood circulation is no longer reaching them his breathing has also become irregular. The nurses have said that it might be his heart that gives up, and are shocked now that he is still alive. He is receiving palliative care and medication to calm him as he was also quite agitated. My mum and aunty and uncle are with him now, and staying with him over night to wait for the inevitable. He is such a fighter.
I just wonder if anyone can relate to how I am feeling - I feel like I haven't reacted as much this time round. I've kept myself busy, even went to work today with whats going on and was productive all day, with a brave face on as if everything is normal. I am going to butlins in a few days (my best friends are taking me and my husband away for the weekend as a wedding present - not the best timing) and I suppose I am acting like everything is ok... packing for a holiday that I am going to have to put on a brave face for and try to enjoy. I don't know what to feel, it hasn't sunk in and i'm kind of just running on this energy and i've even laid my clothes out ready for work tomorrow...
Is this a normal part of the grieving process or has it just not sunk in yet? I have all the proof that my Grandad is in fact dying this time, and he probably only has hours or days to live, yet I just can't seem to get it in my head.
So weird
Then last week he took a turn for the worse and has deteriorated quite dramatically over the past week. He is no longer speaking, he stares in a daze and his legs have turned white, I suppose where the blood circulation is no longer reaching them his breathing has also become irregular. The nurses have said that it might be his heart that gives up, and are shocked now that he is still alive. He is receiving palliative care and medication to calm him as he was also quite agitated. My mum and aunty and uncle are with him now, and staying with him over night to wait for the inevitable. He is such a fighter.
I just wonder if anyone can relate to how I am feeling - I feel like I haven't reacted as much this time round. I've kept myself busy, even went to work today with whats going on and was productive all day, with a brave face on as if everything is normal. I am going to butlins in a few days (my best friends are taking me and my husband away for the weekend as a wedding present - not the best timing) and I suppose I am acting like everything is ok... packing for a holiday that I am going to have to put on a brave face for and try to enjoy. I don't know what to feel, it hasn't sunk in and i'm kind of just running on this energy and i've even laid my clothes out ready for work tomorrow...
Is this a normal part of the grieving process or has it just not sunk in yet? I have all the proof that my Grandad is in fact dying this time, and he probably only has hours or days to live, yet I just can't seem to get it in my head.
So weird