I very rarely post anything but briefly my situation, so that you know a bit of background, is that I moved Mum in with me nearly 4 years ago, after she was emotionally and financially abused by my sibling who removed Mum from her home after her partner died. She did this without informing me. She had not had any contact with Mum for over a decade but saw this as an opportunity to fund her extravagent lifestyle after splitting up with her husband, full knowing Mum had some sort of dementia. I eventually found out where Mum was and informed Police and Social Services as it was a serious safeguarding matter. To cut a very long and painful story short, there was a 3 hearings at the Court of Protection and thankfully, the Judge a) awarded me "custody" of Mum, b) a Panel Deputy was recruited to look after her (much diminished) funds, and c) a court order was issued to my sibling which allows her 2 hours per fortnight only, to visit my Mum in my home which is overseen by a SW. I have to go out to allow my sibling privacy with Mum. However my fiance takes the afternoon off work and sits in the other room as I don't want my sibling in my house without anyone there!
I have cared for Mum single-handedly for almost 4 years. I do absolutely everything for her as she is sadly unable to do anything for herself and no longer speaks either, although she does have a little bit of mobility using a frame and can use a cup to drink from. Other than that, I do everything and although it's very tough, and my whole life is dedicated to her, I do it because she's my Mum and I love her and I don't want anyone else to do it.
Recently, I have been very much feeling I would like a few hours more to myself as Mums condition is worsening and she is pacing such a lot, crying, wailing and making horrible noises. I take her out every single day and that pacifies her for a couple of hours but I am finding this all very difficult. I want to continue to care for her but I really need a break and more respite than the 2 hours per fortnight. We live very rurally so there are no day centres or anything like that, even if Mum would go!
I have contacted the Carers Trust and they agree I need some time for myself to continue in my caring role both as in more respite hours per week and also a break away as I'm crying a lot just lately and am really not feeling very well in myself. I was told to contact my GP for a referral. That in itself was a nightmare as he seemed incredulous I should need help and how dare I contact the Carers Trust!! Our surgery are not really clued up on Dementia at all and so I rarely contact them for anything. I have always just had to cope with Mum alone and get on with it! However I am a very positive and determined person and I've managed up until now, with all the love and strength I've been able to muster!!
Anyway after a lot of pushing, I have finally had a letter to say the GP has referred me but as yet the Carers Trust has not had it. I also feel maybe the wheels move very slowly so, as I am really getting very desperate for help, contacted a local care home that has been thoroughly recommended by my friend, to enquire about a few days care for my Mum, in order for me to have a complete break. Unfortunately, they only do 2 weeks minimum. Being Mums first time away from me she is going to be absolutely in pieces anyway so whilst 2 weeks respite sounds like heaven to me, I could not do it to her. The trouble is anywhere else locally are not dementia homes, only old people homes so I'm unsure what to do.
My questions are:
1) Is this normal for care homes to only take someone for respite for 2 weeks minimum?
2) The home has said they would come out to see Mum to do an assessment to make sure they can take her. I understand that but am unsure how they would assess her?
3) I'm worried as to whether I should let the court know I am considering help? If my sibling were to find out I can see it all going pear shaped and going back to court.
Can anyone advise me please?
I have cared for Mum single-handedly for almost 4 years. I do absolutely everything for her as she is sadly unable to do anything for herself and no longer speaks either, although she does have a little bit of mobility using a frame and can use a cup to drink from. Other than that, I do everything and although it's very tough, and my whole life is dedicated to her, I do it because she's my Mum and I love her and I don't want anyone else to do it.
Recently, I have been very much feeling I would like a few hours more to myself as Mums condition is worsening and she is pacing such a lot, crying, wailing and making horrible noises. I take her out every single day and that pacifies her for a couple of hours but I am finding this all very difficult. I want to continue to care for her but I really need a break and more respite than the 2 hours per fortnight. We live very rurally so there are no day centres or anything like that, even if Mum would go!
I have contacted the Carers Trust and they agree I need some time for myself to continue in my caring role both as in more respite hours per week and also a break away as I'm crying a lot just lately and am really not feeling very well in myself. I was told to contact my GP for a referral. That in itself was a nightmare as he seemed incredulous I should need help and how dare I contact the Carers Trust!! Our surgery are not really clued up on Dementia at all and so I rarely contact them for anything. I have always just had to cope with Mum alone and get on with it! However I am a very positive and determined person and I've managed up until now, with all the love and strength I've been able to muster!!
Anyway after a lot of pushing, I have finally had a letter to say the GP has referred me but as yet the Carers Trust has not had it. I also feel maybe the wheels move very slowly so, as I am really getting very desperate for help, contacted a local care home that has been thoroughly recommended by my friend, to enquire about a few days care for my Mum, in order for me to have a complete break. Unfortunately, they only do 2 weeks minimum. Being Mums first time away from me she is going to be absolutely in pieces anyway so whilst 2 weeks respite sounds like heaven to me, I could not do it to her. The trouble is anywhere else locally are not dementia homes, only old people homes so I'm unsure what to do.
My questions are:
1) Is this normal for care homes to only take someone for respite for 2 weeks minimum?
2) The home has said they would come out to see Mum to do an assessment to make sure they can take her. I understand that but am unsure how they would assess her?
3) I'm worried as to whether I should let the court know I am considering help? If my sibling were to find out I can see it all going pear shaped and going back to court.
Can anyone advise me please?