Sorry fairly long entry. Only hope I make myself clear. Hard as the subject matter is more emotional and feelings, not practical issues, although they are in the background.
I gave up full time employment in April 17 to better care for my 87yo mother, in the relatively early stages of Vascular Dementia, I now work two nights at weekends, providing a welcome contact with day to day life. The people are friendly but largely have no direct experience of dementia and in turn I do not wish to discuss my mum. This is time away from caring, repeated questions, the need for constant reassurance, etc. Straight forward work and a chance to get a link with what now feels like the “outside world”.
Despite the above I am finding the world is shrinking and my interest in it also. Past hobbies and interests no longer have any appeal, previous work friends have gradually fallen by the way side, my contact with the world is reducing and is now mostly through the prism of my mother’s condition. I appreciate the carer role will get harder both emotionally and physically, I am still in the relatively early stage. But I notice I am increasingly getting the blues, feeling lonely and having to force myself to get more positive. I am not feeling sorry for myself but concerned to stay well mentally to ensure I can take on the more demanding times still to come. At that point I will have little contact with the outside world beyond the caring role. Is this feeling of the world closing in on itself the natural consequence of growing into the caring role? Is always feeling anxious about what is coming next just something you get use to, or is there a technique to quieten it?
My mum is unaware of her reduced cognitive capacity, refuses to go back to the Memory Clinic and would never go to a Carers Support group, etc. The local Carers group allow me to attend, stating quite often the carer joins first and the PWD later when capacity has reduced further. I go but in a way I feel an outsider being there. The Carers talk in a private room in the second half of the session. Several have pressing problems so I mostly sit there and take matters in but feel reluctant to speak when my concerns seem trivial to those of others. The GP tried to talk mum into going back to the Memory Clinic with no success. I have no contact with any medical professional beyond the GP, which bothers me when I think about the later stages of mum’s illness. Again I talk about stages but in reality I do not know where I am on this journey? Mum’s short term memory is gone very largely, long term memories getting badly muddled, she is unaware of being hungry or thirsty, repeatedly asks the same questions, needs reassurance a lot, etc, but if you met her in the street superficially all might appear well. I hear of the hostess mode, etc, but feel lost on some points.
I guess what I am trying to say is I feel very lonely, getting down thinking about what I will need to deal with and stressed when at present I seem without guidance. Slowly but surely I am getting mentally low. I fully appreciate others on this forum have much worse to face. That is part of my problem. I think it is called “anticipatory grief”. Knowing that and confronting it on my own are two different things. Any suggestions of how to give myself a daily pick me up? When you are feeling somewhat low what works for you? Any comments would be much appreciated. Where can I get more explanation of my mum’s illness, or is this forum the best place for practical help?
Hope I have got the balance right. Not self pitying whinger just a human soul feeling lost, concerned about measuring up when push really gets to shrove.
.
I gave up full time employment in April 17 to better care for my 87yo mother, in the relatively early stages of Vascular Dementia, I now work two nights at weekends, providing a welcome contact with day to day life. The people are friendly but largely have no direct experience of dementia and in turn I do not wish to discuss my mum. This is time away from caring, repeated questions, the need for constant reassurance, etc. Straight forward work and a chance to get a link with what now feels like the “outside world”.
Despite the above I am finding the world is shrinking and my interest in it also. Past hobbies and interests no longer have any appeal, previous work friends have gradually fallen by the way side, my contact with the world is reducing and is now mostly through the prism of my mother’s condition. I appreciate the carer role will get harder both emotionally and physically, I am still in the relatively early stage. But I notice I am increasingly getting the blues, feeling lonely and having to force myself to get more positive. I am not feeling sorry for myself but concerned to stay well mentally to ensure I can take on the more demanding times still to come. At that point I will have little contact with the outside world beyond the caring role. Is this feeling of the world closing in on itself the natural consequence of growing into the caring role? Is always feeling anxious about what is coming next just something you get use to, or is there a technique to quieten it?
My mum is unaware of her reduced cognitive capacity, refuses to go back to the Memory Clinic and would never go to a Carers Support group, etc. The local Carers group allow me to attend, stating quite often the carer joins first and the PWD later when capacity has reduced further. I go but in a way I feel an outsider being there. The Carers talk in a private room in the second half of the session. Several have pressing problems so I mostly sit there and take matters in but feel reluctant to speak when my concerns seem trivial to those of others. The GP tried to talk mum into going back to the Memory Clinic with no success. I have no contact with any medical professional beyond the GP, which bothers me when I think about the later stages of mum’s illness. Again I talk about stages but in reality I do not know where I am on this journey? Mum’s short term memory is gone very largely, long term memories getting badly muddled, she is unaware of being hungry or thirsty, repeatedly asks the same questions, needs reassurance a lot, etc, but if you met her in the street superficially all might appear well. I hear of the hostess mode, etc, but feel lost on some points.
I guess what I am trying to say is I feel very lonely, getting down thinking about what I will need to deal with and stressed when at present I seem without guidance. Slowly but surely I am getting mentally low. I fully appreciate others on this forum have much worse to face. That is part of my problem. I think it is called “anticipatory grief”. Knowing that and confronting it on my own are two different things. Any suggestions of how to give myself a daily pick me up? When you are feeling somewhat low what works for you? Any comments would be much appreciated. Where can I get more explanation of my mum’s illness, or is this forum the best place for practical help?
Hope I have got the balance right. Not self pitying whinger just a human soul feeling lost, concerned about measuring up when push really gets to shrove.
.
