I'm going to leave my 'dreadful couple of days' thread (it actually ended up being six dreadful days) and skip to here, but realise now that we skipped the 'end of life care' section! Actually we didn't, but it was so brief, only three days in hospital and not all of that was end of life care, though what there was, was excellent.
Firstly, thank you to the Alzheimer's Society, Talking Point, and all the lovely people on it, for helping me get through the dementia experience with my mum. It was long, it was hard, but it would have been considerably harder had I not had the help of kind people on TP, and the occasional support from the helpline. Thank you, thank you, what an excellent place to be when dementia is all around you.
Thank you for everyone's kind words on the other thread where I described mum's final decline and death (on Monday afternoon). I was reading your replies while I was sitting in that lonely side room with mum at the hospital, and although staff kept me fed, watered and hugged, you all helped me in spirit too, particularly when you all paced the corridors with me (!).
I am still waiting for paperwork to register mum's death. I suspect she may have to stay in the hospital until Monday now, which for some reason I find very disappointing. It seems bizarre that only one doctor can sign it, and she's constantly too busy to come down to do it but … It will happen one day and mum will be off round the M25, in a van with the FDs, and then waiting with them until the funeral, which isn't until mid October for several reasons. I will be up and down, visiting the FD, popping in to see her for as long as I can, and trying to find a suitable venue for the wake.
I feel surprisingly unaffected at the moment, and I'm actually quite astonished. I have cried for nearly three years over mum's demise, intensely for three days in hospital when it became clear she was nearing death, and then again when she died, but now I feel, well, lighter, relieved. Relieved that she no longer feels mental anguish or physical pain and, yes, mighty relieved that it's over for me and hopefully before my own heath was seriously affected. But, I feel like it is going to take me a few weeks to get back to my normal self, maybe even longer, I feel shaky, tired, disoriented. Sleep comes at night time, but it's not a calm sleep.
I almost feel guilty that I'm not bawling my eyes out more, but maybe the anticipatory grief went some way to helping me part through the grief process already. I'm sure I will cry loads at the funeral!
I am pleased to be here, I thought I had a few more years of it to go. I'm mighty relieved mum didn't last to end stage and died at a time when she was still talking, eating and wanting to be near me. She died knowing who I was, and what I'd done for her. But most of all I'm pleased I managed to keep her at home, until the very end, or almost. It was good that we were in the hospital as all help was on hand, I don't believe it would have been such a 'good' experience at home.
Bless you all for your kindness and support.
Firstly, thank you to the Alzheimer's Society, Talking Point, and all the lovely people on it, for helping me get through the dementia experience with my mum. It was long, it was hard, but it would have been considerably harder had I not had the help of kind people on TP, and the occasional support from the helpline. Thank you, thank you, what an excellent place to be when dementia is all around you.
Thank you for everyone's kind words on the other thread where I described mum's final decline and death (on Monday afternoon). I was reading your replies while I was sitting in that lonely side room with mum at the hospital, and although staff kept me fed, watered and hugged, you all helped me in spirit too, particularly when you all paced the corridors with me (!).
I am still waiting for paperwork to register mum's death. I suspect she may have to stay in the hospital until Monday now, which for some reason I find very disappointing. It seems bizarre that only one doctor can sign it, and she's constantly too busy to come down to do it but … It will happen one day and mum will be off round the M25, in a van with the FDs, and then waiting with them until the funeral, which isn't until mid October for several reasons. I will be up and down, visiting the FD, popping in to see her for as long as I can, and trying to find a suitable venue for the wake.
I feel surprisingly unaffected at the moment, and I'm actually quite astonished. I have cried for nearly three years over mum's demise, intensely for three days in hospital when it became clear she was nearing death, and then again when she died, but now I feel, well, lighter, relieved. Relieved that she no longer feels mental anguish or physical pain and, yes, mighty relieved that it's over for me and hopefully before my own heath was seriously affected. But, I feel like it is going to take me a few weeks to get back to my normal self, maybe even longer, I feel shaky, tired, disoriented. Sleep comes at night time, but it's not a calm sleep.
I almost feel guilty that I'm not bawling my eyes out more, but maybe the anticipatory grief went some way to helping me part through the grief process already. I'm sure I will cry loads at the funeral!
I am pleased to be here, I thought I had a few more years of it to go. I'm mighty relieved mum didn't last to end stage and died at a time when she was still talking, eating and wanting to be near me. She died knowing who I was, and what I'd done for her. But most of all I'm pleased I managed to keep her at home, until the very end, or almost. It was good that we were in the hospital as all help was on hand, I don't believe it would have been such a 'good' experience at home.
Bless you all for your kindness and support.
