Grumpy OH
- Thread starter Beads
- Start date
I think you are so right, @kindred .
I am now stuck in a situation where there seems to be nothing to do but wait for things to happen, but I know it won't last forever. Thanks for your support and the positive attitude you infuse.
I had to wait, too. And I do promise you it will not last for ever. Best love, Geraldinex
Oh Mia poor you
I feel for you such a hard time surrounded by death.
Reading how much you miss certain things you sound like you as a couple have been social butterflies. It’s a shame you don’t have family around to help out with all the chores around the house.
I know you have said about your daughter and the stepdaughter. Are they not close enough that your own daughter can speak to the SD about her not being nice to her mother?
Do you have family who help you?
This disease is awful, I know every one you speak with these days has been touched by its vile hand.
You seem to do lots around the house can your local authority not arrange for your garden to be done as you are pensioners?
Car washing is a job that can be done for a few pounds so don’t fret about things like that. I don’t cook much any more we snack mostly these days as hubby forgets that he has eaten so I just make up another small snack for him, always hungry lol.
Do you have a local church you attend, my religion helps me in my hour of need. Mia please take care of yourself as well as your J. The one you fell in love with is still in there.
God bless
I feel for you such a hard time surrounded by death.
Reading how much you miss certain things you sound like you as a couple have been social butterflies. It’s a shame you don’t have family around to help out with all the chores around the house.
I know you have said about your daughter and the stepdaughter. Are they not close enough that your own daughter can speak to the SD about her not being nice to her mother?
Do you have family who help you?
This disease is awful, I know every one you speak with these days has been touched by its vile hand.
You seem to do lots around the house can your local authority not arrange for your garden to be done as you are pensioners?
Car washing is a job that can be done for a few pounds so don’t fret about things like that. I don’t cook much any more we snack mostly these days as hubby forgets that he has eaten so I just make up another small snack for him, always hungry lol.
Do you have a local church you attend, my religion helps me in my hour of need. Mia please take care of yourself as well as your J. The one you fell in love with is still in there.
God bless
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Morning @MIA56 .... how impressive and organised you are. You put me to shame! I hope you have a lovely day with your great grandchildren. I have two, but they live a four hour drive away, so we don’t get to see them really.
My OH asked me for a hug today, something he hasn’t done for ages. I was so pleased. Then of course I sat looking at him wondering if his dementia is all in my mind! I don’t do normality anymore!
Take care, Bx
My OH asked me for a hug today, something he hasn’t done for ages. I was so pleased. Then of course I sat looking at him wondering if his dementia is all in my mind! I don’t do normality anymore!
Take care, Bx
Hi Beads, we are coming up to 8 years now and my husband has no memory whatsoever. Everybody says how well he looks(probably meaning he’s not that bad really!) how wrong they are, where are they when he can’t find the fridge, the bathroom, the bedroom, can’t even make himself a cuppa, needs help with personal cleaning. Oh I could go on & on. I am now just starting to get into ‘the system’ and hoping to get some respite care sorted. He went to a day centre once, didn’t like it, wouldn’t eat, I took him again after we came back from our ‘hol’, after just over an hour they phoned me to pick him up as he was walking up the main road, going home. So that’s where we are. Will let you know on any progress, thank you, hopeful 123
Hi Hopeful123, I also took my OH to day care and he seemed to enjoy it the next week I took him he refused to stay, so now I suppose we will just carry on doing the same things every day! Yesterday we went to Tesco, today we went into town to Asda, tomorrow we will walk to Aldi and 2 or 3 times a day we take the dog for a walk and sometimes I might fit in the cleaning. My life is so exciting. Lx
Hi Rosebush, I had to laugh at your letter, you & I are having the same kind of life. Who would have thought this was in the pipeline for us? I am thinking of going to Morrison’s tomorrow for a change well my family will all be back in a day or two, so I will find out what I’ve missed never mind, we’re just going to have a beef curry I made this afternoon, I know it doesn’t seem appropriate with this weather, but I’ve been fancying a curry for a while now, so my treat, take care hopeful 123
I have a question. OH has needed an eye doctor appointment which means I have to take him. This has been put on the back-burner because I work full time and have had to take off for his neurologist, orthopedic, iinternist, physical therapy, etc appointments. His daughter took him to ENT thankfully. During the summer we worked 4 day work weeks so it was almost missing a part of a day a week. (oh, @Amethyst59 When do I have a chance to be ill?) There are no times for my regular doctor appointments. (Disclaimer: I am taking 2.5 days next week for a holiday/vacation. which cuts into me missing work.)
So today, we had to come to work early so we get to leave early. I called him and mentioned maybe there's an eye doctor appointment available this afternoon and I can get you in.. He said he has already made an appointment. It's Friday at 4PM. I work. Oh, it may be at 1:30PM. I work then too. "I'll get somebody to take me." Who is somebody? The assisted living may drive him, but they drop him at the door and a family member has to handle PWD throughout the appointment.
He said he had to hang up and I know he's eating lunch now, but I must discuss this with him. AND, hence there will be a big fight. I have got to stop letting fights with him bother me. And, of course, we are not supposed to fight with them. His unreasonableness is beyond challenging.
My support group at Alz Assoc met yesterday and it was discussed that I step away. He is in a home. Also, his daughters wanted to take control, let them worry about this. The new song I have in my head @kindred is "Let It Go!" I must let this go. Feedback appreciated, this means you @canary!
So today, we had to come to work early so we get to leave early. I called him and mentioned maybe there's an eye doctor appointment available this afternoon and I can get you in.. He said he has already made an appointment. It's Friday at 4PM. I work. Oh, it may be at 1:30PM. I work then too. "I'll get somebody to take me." Who is somebody? The assisted living may drive him, but they drop him at the door and a family member has to handle PWD throughout the appointment.
He said he had to hang up and I know he's eating lunch now, but I must discuss this with him. AND, hence there will be a big fight. I have got to stop letting fights with him bother me. And, of course, we are not supposed to fight with them. His unreasonableness is beyond challenging.
My support group at Alz Assoc met yesterday and it was discussed that I step away. He is in a home. Also, his daughters wanted to take control, let them worry about this. The new song I have in my head @kindred is "Let It Go!" I must let this go. Feedback appreciated, this means you @canary!
My immediate reaction, @imsoblue , is that I would check that he really does have an appointment, because I have found from bitter experience that I mustnt assume that things that OH tells me are true.
He certainly has a lot of appointments, I must say
What is happening with his eyes?
I used to go with mum to her appointments and I now go with OH for all his appointments because otherwise I wouldn get to hear what was actually said by the doctor!
He certainly has a lot of appointments, I must say
What is happening with his eyes?I used to go with mum to her appointments and I now go with OH for all his appointments because otherwise I wouldn get to hear what was actually said by the doctor!
Ok...he made the appointment...and he is in a care home. My thoughts are it is not your problem. You are at work. Can he make these calls alone? Cos if the carers helped him, then they know you work.
I know it’s easier said than done...but you can’t take him.
I know it’s easier said than done...but you can’t take him.
Hi Hopeful123, curry I love curry although we always have vegetable curry as we don't eat meat. It's a pity you don't live near me 2 weeks ago our neighbours nan died and because they are Indians all their relatives visit to pay their respects for 12 days and every day they feed everybody and because we let them use our drive for parking they sent us food round every night, I have still got some in the freezer so I think tomorrow's dinner is sorted. They have been our neighbours for nearly 30 years and when their daughter got married they also sent food. Off to Aldi tomorrow. Did you watch animal park today, it was really sad. Take care Lx
@canary and @Amethyst59 thank you both for those quick responses. This is a yearly checkup that's overdue. He lost his glasses two days in a row in the care home. One day they were on the floor near his bed and the CH aide couldn't find them and neither did his sister. I found them. The next day, they were on his bedside table right where he'd put them to go to bed. My support group all chimed in that this was the dementia. He knows he doesn't have them, but he doesn't know he has to look for them. He has such severe difficulty getting around though. However, he did find them by his bed. If dementia thwarts him from remembering, "oh, I need to look for them" how does it let him think "call my wife and tell her I lost them." We will never know what the brain is doing will we?
Two doctor visits were regular visits. The orthopedic was because he fell and his elbow was swollen. The physical therapist (long sigh) is because he and his daughter want him to go to a program for Parkinson's patients 4 days a week for 4 weeks. That will require some transportation also. I am probably going to have to go to some of those! He had to see and ENT before they would admit him to that program! He did cancel his dentist appointment!
He does make the calls alone. He also calls patent attorneys to get a patent on a idea he had 30 years ago. It is not my problem. It is not my problem. It is not my problem. Let it go, let it go, let it go.
I'll let you know how it turns out.
Two doctor visits were regular visits. The orthopedic was because he fell and his elbow was swollen. The physical therapist (long sigh) is because he and his daughter want him to go to a program for Parkinson's patients 4 days a week for 4 weeks. That will require some transportation also. I am probably going to have to go to some of those! He had to see and ENT before they would admit him to that program! He did cancel his dentist appointment!
He does make the calls alone. He also calls patent attorneys to get a patent on a idea he had 30 years ago. It is not my problem. It is not my problem. It is not my problem. Let it go, let it go, let it go.
I'll let you know how it turns out.
What lovely neighbours you have Rosebush.it’s so nice to hear such things. Not watched Animal Park, don’t know if I dare ‘catch up’ if it’s sad - I’m a bit of an emotional wreck at mo. Just had garden done, artificial turf & patios, I couldn’t manage it anymore with everything else.so decided to jet wash another old patio area,took me half an hour to get the thing going, worked out alright, then wanted to finish it off with a coat of stuff that helps keep it clean. Couldn’t manage to set the hand pump sprayer up, so gave it up as a bad job. So that’s another half finished job. I’m going on a bit here, sorry, I’ll close now, take care, hopeful 123
OK, @imsoblue if its just a glasses check then you could just see how it pans out. My feeling is that he probably wont be able to get there without you. If he does get there, would you be able to contact the doctor and ask what happened?
FWIW I agree with your support group about him not being able to find his glasses - you have become his default go-to place when things go wrong. When someone is in a care home it can be tricky to work out what bits are your problem and which bits are not, but the ordinary everyday things like losing stuff is definitely not your problem
xx
FWIW I agree with your support group about him not being able to find his glasses - you have become his default go-to place when things go wrong. When someone is in a care home it can be tricky to work out what bits are your problem and which bits are not, but the ordinary everyday things like losing stuff is definitely not your problem
xx
Thanks @canary. I needed to hear that. My support group said You must train OH and You must train staff at CH. I will work on that. OH and I spoke again and I said, please cancel eye appointment. He said quit telling me what to do. I will taxi there. Note: he is physically incapable of getting into a doctor's office by himself, filling out forms, and in fact, doesn't have a credit card or my insurance information to pay for the visit. That's the dementia he has...no thought or planning or understanding.
This is my situation in a nutshell. OH needs managing. OH doesn't think he needs or wants to be managed. Hence conflicts.
Update: the invisible daughter (the Other One) has now agreed to take him to the eye doctor. Funny thing is we are relying on PWD to let her know what time the appointment is. I'm staying clear of this.
This is my situation in a nutshell. OH needs managing. OH doesn't think he needs or wants to be managed. Hence conflicts.
Update: the invisible daughter (the Other One) has now agreed to take him to the eye doctor. Funny thing is we are relying on PWD to let her know what time the appointment is. I'm staying clear of this.