Me again

[Joannacja]

Hello everyone
I decided not to keep posting with every worry about my mum, but you were all so supportive last week, I thought I’d post again.
I had a phone call this morning from the nursing home. My mother Joy has been on increased Valium and has been really confused. She isn’t angry any more and instead of pressing the buzzer every 10 mins, is calling out all the time when awake.
Only, she’s calling for her parents and Jesus and Mary “Jesus’s mother”. She used to be a churchgoer and would say she’s a Christian.
She told the carers she was calling out for her mum as she’s only a little girl who needs her mummy.
I saw her today and she’s not making any sense at all, though at times remembered some things, like the fact that the flowers I had bought her last visit were from the coop.
I suggested a UTI to the staff but they tested her and it’s not that.
I don’t know how long she’s going to go on like this.
I wondered if she’s seeing my grandparents near her and if that’s the case, does that mean she’s dying?
I hate seeing her like this but selfishly as well I am scared.

 

[Cazzita]

So worrying for you @Joannacja , hopefully, someone more experienced than us will have some answers for you.
My mother also talks to Jesus and God a lot and thinks I am her mum when she first wakes up; every morning she asks me if she has to go to school and is so happy when I tell her it's the summer holiday!
She also spoke about dying today but not in a scared way at all. I think my mum probably has another 3 or 4 years ahead yet though.
Good luck with it all xx

 

[nae sporran]

Sorry your mum is having so many problems Joannacja, and sadly this kind of behaviour is normal in dementia. I think it is fuelled by insecurity as their world shrinks and they cannot make sense of it. My OH spent about a month last summer fretting over her mum and whether she was alive or dead, but thankfully after a lot of reassurance she settled down and now sees her mum's photo as a vague remembrance. I don't know if your mum will be the same, but do hope she won't fret for long. It certainly is scary and worrying when a new development like this happens.
Sorry, my brain is muddled today, but I hope that helps.

 

[Joannacja]

So worrying for you @Joannacja , hopefully, someone more experienced than us will have some answers for you.
My mother also talks to Jesus and God a lot and thinks I am her mum when she first wakes up; every morning she asks me if she has to go to school and is so happy when I tell her it's the summer holiday!
She also spoke about dying today but not in a scared way at all. I think my mum probably has another 3 or 4 years ahead yet though.
Good luck with it all xx

Thank you so much. You sound such a lovely carer. Good luck with your mum too xx

 

[nae sporran]

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites/default/files/migrate/downloads/changes_in_behaviour.pdf
I don't know if that factsheet may help too.

 

[Joannacja]

Sorry your mum is having so many problems Joannacja, and sadly this kind of behaviour is normal in dementia. I think it is fuelled by insecurity as their world shrinks and they cannot make sense of it. My OH spent about a month last summer fretting over her mum and whether she was alive or dead, but thankfully after a lot of reassurance she settled down and now sees her mum's photo as a vague remembrance. I don't know if your mum will be the same, but do hope she won't fret for long. It certainly is scary and worrying when a new development like this happens.
Sorry, my brain is muddled today, but I hope that helps.

No not muddled at all, thanks for your reply. Yes, I’m hoping the medicine will be altered and hopefully she’ll be less confused. It’s hard though - last week she was spiteful and aggressively rude, this week - like this! Don’t know what I wish for her out of these two!
Yes - maybe photos of my grandad and grandma by her bed will help - and my dad too. They are on a table but out of view at present! Take care yourself xx

 

[Kevinl]

I agree, asking for parents is very common in the nursing home, just today one lady told me she'd had dinner at "her mam's house" another lady is always asking when her "Nain" (the Welsh ford for Nana or granny) is coming to collect her. From her relatives I found out her mother had died young and she'd been brought up by her nain in north Wales.
Quite a few call out names some of which are their partners or children some mean nothing, my wife went through a phase of asking when Suzi was coming or where she was, it probably lasted a year, I don't know anyone called Suzi and never has, I asked her family and they thought she had a childhood friend called Suzi back in the 1960's.
K

 

[Cazzita]

Looks like it is very common then for PWD to be calling out names from the past, so sad, but makes sense in a way if their minds are back in the past. Hope we all get peace in our hearts along this journey.
My mum is at a funny stage - a lot of what she does and says is pretty hilarious and it is good to be having a giggle. I actually bought her a 'Hello, I have dementia' badge from Amazon and she is happy to wear it. Hopefully, it will make people kinder and more patient when they see it. Also, she said that I need a badge that says 'My mum has dementia' - she was hysterical after saying that. I know this 'funny/mad' stage probably won't last long so going to make the most of it! Good luck @Joannacja and everyone else!

 

[Joannacja]

Looks like it is very common then for PWD to be calling out names from the past, so sad, but makes sense in a way if their minds are back in the past. Hope we all get peace in our hearts along this journey.
My mum is at a funny stage - a lot of what she does and says is pretty hilarious and it is good to be having a giggle. I actually bought her a 'Hello, I have dementia' badge from Amazon and she is happy to wear it. Hopefully, it will make people kinder and more patient when they see it. Also, she said that I need a badge that says 'My mum has dementia' - she was hysterical after saying that. I know this 'funny/mad' stage probably won't last long so going to make the most of it! Good luck @Joannacja and everyone else!

Ha ha that did make me giggle too! How crazy you can buy that - really FO stock everything! Have just been telling my three sons - her grandsons obviously - about his she is and they all feel that it’s much better to be confused and hallucinating than angry and aggressive as she was last week.
Hey ho! Have seen both extremes. Now! Take care xx

 

[Joannacja]

I agree, asking for parents is very common in the nursing home, just today one lady told me she'd had dinner at "her mam's house" another lady is always asking when her "Nain" (the Welsh ford for Nana or granny) is coming to collect her. From her relatives I found out her mother had died young and she'd been brought up by her nain in north Wales.
Quite a few call out names some of which are their partners or children some mean nothing, my wife went through a phase of asking when Suzi was coming or where she was, it probably lasted a year, I don't know anyone called Suzi and never has, I asked her family and they thought she had a childhood friend called Suzi back in the 1960's.
K

That’s a comfort - thank you. I’d rather she was like this than like last weekend, in pain, angry, aggressive...thank you

 

[Joannacja]

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites/default/files/migrate/downloads/changes_in_behaviour.pdf
I don't know if that factsheet may help too.

Thank you very much x

 

[Cazzita]

You take care too @Joannacja and thanks too for the link @nae sporran xx