I wake and instantly think oh god how do i get through another day drag out of bed and so the routine starts of not really any conversation just the constant restlessness i spend every hour trying to soothe him with drives out or walks in wheel chair lunchtime come and i think half way through the day you can do it!!! afternoon is filled with the same and the agony and boredom continues i find my self constantly checking the time longing for it to be evening finally i get him to bed and asleep and i am so relieved !!!!!!! a few hours to myself if i am lucky i go to bed exhausted and dreading the next day does anyone out recognize this life it really is living hell with no end in sight sorry but i had to get that off my chest
just another day!
- Thread starter tuffydawn
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Yes, join the club, sounds just like life here, I always refer to it as ground hog day! hardly any real conversation nothing makes much sense, I just spend every day trying to keep him happy. We haven't got a car anymore so we go everywhere on the bus, yesterday we went to Tesco and when we came out we had to cross the main road to get the bus home, so we waited at the traffic lights but now OH can't understand that you have to wait for them to change to red, next thing he was off dragging the shopping trolley behind him, how he survived I don't know, but of course it wasn't his fault was it, it must have been my fault because he ignored me all the way home, still the peace and quiet was lovely. Feel free to moan, I know it makes me feel better. Lx
The constant tiredness gets to me too. I think it's one of the cruel aspects for carers that the extra burden and responsibility takes a toll.
Still, there's always TP for a bit of support.
Still, there's always TP for a bit of support.
Oh god yes @tuffydawn it's the sheer boredom that does me in and when I get a bit of spare time I tend to be on Talking Point or even just staring into space. I feel I should be tidying up or doing some gardening or just something but I have lost the will to do anything and I don't even live with my dad so I do get some spare time between visits but I can't seem to do anything with the time.
It's like a never ending loop that just wears me down.
@Duggies-girl i so recognise this feeling. Even though mum is now in a care home, I struggle to keep motivated and write myself endless lists of things to do to try and stay part of the world....if you know what I mean. The garden is a case in point. You'd think it wouldn't be hard to dead-head a few plants wouldn't you....but if you lose your mojo, everything feels like hard work.
I make myself watch a bit of TV sometimes with OH, and am very fortunate to have my grandson to help take my mind off things (he's very good at that!) Do try to give yourself some time. I know it's especially hard at the moment, but you are important too - so please do look after yourself.
Lindy xx
Yes, I know, I really do. I endured years of this, writing 100 lines every evening: I must endure. I thought there would never be any points of light, but long story short, bad accident, OH now in nursing home, self funding so money my worry now of course. You are not alone, you have us and so many of us have been through or are in this hell. Do you have any help at all, sweetheart? warmest, Kindred.
thank you for replying yes i have emotional support from family but at the end of the day its me that is living it and nothing changes that its interesting what you said as i have bad thoughts about something dramtic happening to change my life but then i realise it will cause another set of problems and i feel quilty for even thinking about it
Hi, Tuffydawn,
I think it was Peter Ustinov who said old age was like having breakfast every five minutes. I now understand what he meant. Time seems to speed up but the days drag. Wake up knowing I must stick to routine, although I have always liked to be spontaneous. Have the to-do lists, but the activities are so boring I cannot get motivated. Joined the gym/swimming pool for days when OH at the day centre but find many excuses not to go, (bad back today). Personally, I get very annoyed by "uplifting" sayings like "live life to the full", "seize the day". Chance would be a fine thing. You are not having bad thoughts, just being realistic, something dramatic probably will happen resulting in care home.
At least we can come on here and see we are not alone.
I think it was Peter Ustinov who said old age was like having breakfast every five minutes. I now understand what he meant. Time seems to speed up but the days drag. Wake up knowing I must stick to routine, although I have always liked to be spontaneous. Have the to-do lists, but the activities are so boring I cannot get motivated. Joined the gym/swimming pool for days when OH at the day centre but find many excuses not to go, (bad back today). Personally, I get very annoyed by "uplifting" sayings like "live life to the full", "seize the day". Chance would be a fine thing. You are not having bad thoughts, just being realistic, something dramatic probably will happen resulting in care home.
At least we can come on here and see we are not alone.
Please, please never feel guilty about thinking about some form of escape. I know, it is you living it, I get that completely. I never really anticipated what happened to change our lives, the accident, a and e and hospital writing a best interest statement that OH needed residential care. I thought I was in it for ever, literally for ever and I am sure you sometimes feel like this sweetheart. Is residential care an even remote future possibility? thank you for talking to us. Kindred.xx
Some days I just want to get off the treadmill. I think it’s the not knowing how long which makes it worse. I make endless lists of things that need doing but I can easily think of 101 reasons not to. At least I currently have work to act as a distraction but then that brings its own problems as I have to cram everything into a weekend. When I do manage a day off to coincide with day centre then I’m in a dither as to whether to do something constructive with the time or do something for me, I end up doing nothing and then feel,annoyed that I have wasted ‘free’ time. Everything revolves around dementia.
All your posts are so very accurate! Sitting here, second day of my annual leave with the endless to do list, not knowing what to do! Not having the energy to do something. Just cancelled visit from social services as I simply cannot face it. Had meeting with alz support worker yesterday, she reminded me yet again to make time for me, apart from being an employee, still needing to continue working, carer to husband but yet also being his wife. You must be quite isolated, she said to me
She's right.
She's right.
Oh Tuffydawn, I could have written that message myself. For me also, the first thing I think when I wake is 'oh dear, another day to deal with'. It really is soul destroying and, of course, there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.
There's not much anyone can say to make it better, but I do try to grab and hold on to, the occasional comical thing that OH and I can both see the funny side of. Yesterday he put his polo shirt on back to front so I said to him ' the worrying thing is that if you fall down, someone could do you a mischief trying to screw your head round the other way' It took him a minute but he suddenly saw the joke and laughed for ages.....it was a special moment I can refer back to when times get rough again.
I know how you feel when wishing for bedtime too. It feels as though you're wishing your life away doesn't it? My two PWDs go to bed at 8pm so I do get a couple of hours free of an evening which I spend, feet up, cuppa at my elbow and a good book to take me hundreds of miles away from all my woes (((hug)))
There's not much anyone can say to make it better, but I do try to grab and hold on to, the occasional comical thing that OH and I can both see the funny side of. Yesterday he put his polo shirt on back to front so I said to him ' the worrying thing is that if you fall down, someone could do you a mischief trying to screw your head round the other way' It took him a minute but he suddenly saw the joke and laughed for ages.....it was a special moment I can refer back to when times get rough again.
I know how you feel when wishing for bedtime too. It feels as though you're wishing your life away doesn't it? My two PWDs go to bed at 8pm so I do get a couple of hours free of an evening which I spend, feet up, cuppa at my elbow and a good book to take me hundreds of miles away from all my woes (((hug)))
Yes, yes, y es, but where is our energy supposed to come from? We are disorientated and exhausted and trying to put up a good front ... where's the extra energy?? Good to hear from you. Kindred.
I need to stop fighting this idea/assumption that I ought to have this energy to be able to do it all - easier said than done I know. Hope to have some time today and instead of housework I will take my camera an go to our local nature reserve. I don't even feel the need today to see other people. Especially as I've just been told again to stop moving his 'stuff' around - peace and quiet is needed.
This is all so familiar. I thought to myself yesterday that living with a PWD ‘does your head in’, because I feel as if I am going crazy myself. I don’t know where that phrase came from but it sure describes how I feel sometimes.
It's quite an old expression and I love it too! Yes, I felt like was going crazy, felt like I was the one who must be ill!! And all the time I was trying to keep a brave face on it all, as we do ...
Great to hear from you. Geraldine aka kindred.xx
