Can I ... Should I?
- Thread starter Sam Luvit
- Start date
...and a hospice will give much needed constant round the clock monitoring from doctor and nurses which will give you support and peace of mind. It is now all about what your mum medically needs not what she may have liked...please please think if it was you what would you want for yourself and it wouldn't I would guess to be that distressed..I had 2 friends who died in hospices...neither wanted to go in..both said it was a really good place to be and comforting to them. You can spend a lot of time with your mum still and they will be a great support
Afternoon all,
Blinkin' 'carer'
Sam, I am going to ask you to give serious consideration to what the others have said. And I am going to leave a large (((((hugs)))) deposit.
Blinkin' 'carer'
Sam, I am going to ask you to give serious consideration to what the others have said. And I am going to leave a large (((((hugs)))) deposit.
Hi Sam
I have rarely posted on here but have absorbed so much from others. I have followed your thread from day one. Weird how you feel you know someone and their family in a virtual world.
You have done and are still doing a magnificent job and your Mum deep down knows this. She also wouldn’t want you and your brother to be running yourselves into the ground.
I won’t harp on about my story. Mum died a year ago tomorrow. She was in a lovely care home as I just couldn’t cope at home with no family support etc. Was it the easy way out? No. I was still massively part of her care but with others helping me.
This is what the care home manageress always told me when I would cry with guilt in her office.
I have never been more thankful for the 24/7 care provided during the last six weeks of Mum’s life. They nursed her as one of their own family. GP and DN’s seem to jump much quicker when residential care/hospice shout. They have all the equipment needed on hand. They have endless amounts of patience as they are going home after eight hours and resting.
You really do need to consider this now Sam. I know you and others think the end is very near but the truth is no one knows. My mum was put on end of life on 22 June, she died on 2 August. It can take a long while even with very little food and water. The body is truly amazing at times.
Mum’s death and the lead up was very serene and peaceful. Nothing scary. Of course I still had my moments but honestly if my death is half as “good”, I will be very thankful.
This was all down to the professionals in place to do a job. A job I was not qualified to deal with physically, mentally or emotionally.
Please Sam, consider all the care options available for your precious mum. I think you have gone above and beyond anything a mum could expect from a daughter.
I think of you every morning when I wake up and check your thread.
Much love and hugs!!!
Sarah x
I have rarely posted on here but have absorbed so much from others. I have followed your thread from day one. Weird how you feel you know someone and their family in a virtual world.
You have done and are still doing a magnificent job and your Mum deep down knows this. She also wouldn’t want you and your brother to be running yourselves into the ground.
I won’t harp on about my story. Mum died a year ago tomorrow. She was in a lovely care home as I just couldn’t cope at home with no family support etc. Was it the easy way out? No. I was still massively part of her care but with others helping me.
This is what the care home manageress always told me when I would cry with guilt in her office.
I have never been more thankful for the 24/7 care provided during the last six weeks of Mum’s life. They nursed her as one of their own family. GP and DN’s seem to jump much quicker when residential care/hospice shout. They have all the equipment needed on hand. They have endless amounts of patience as they are going home after eight hours and resting.
You really do need to consider this now Sam. I know you and others think the end is very near but the truth is no one knows. My mum was put on end of life on 22 June, she died on 2 August. It can take a long while even with very little food and water. The body is truly amazing at times.
Mum’s death and the lead up was very serene and peaceful. Nothing scary. Of course I still had my moments but honestly if my death is half as “good”, I will be very thankful.
This was all down to the professionals in place to do a job. A job I was not qualified to deal with physically, mentally or emotionally.
Please Sam, consider all the care options available for your precious mum. I think you have gone above and beyond anything a mum could expect from a daughter.
I think of you every morning when I wake up and check your thread.
Much love and hugs!!!
Sarah x
I wholeheartedly agree with Slugsta and the others.
Leaving a huge sack of (((((hugs))))) xxx
If anyone starts with “I hear what you are saying ...”, you know there is a “but” coming ...
So, I hear you @2jays & @Prudence9 ... but .... 3 or 4 days ago, I wouId have been ok with a hospice, although it’s been hinted that they are a bit full, might not be near here. She couldn’t see Pooch & there was concern about her being moved any distance, what with fractures etc ... so ... I don't think it’s an option
Now she’s been catheterised, it’s a lot easier. No more struggling to get her out & in bed, no more fear of dropping her. Yes, we still have the 24 hour watch, but at least it’s more watch (& her arguing),but it’s not physically difficult as no manoeuvring needed.
Watch this space, all could change ....
Thank you for the hugs, everyone, the support & suggestions. I will probably attempt to reply, but for now I’m recovering from the emotional trauma of the morning & yesterday’s spitting my dummy out with “that Carer”
So, I hear you @2jays & @Prudence9 ... but .... 3 or 4 days ago, I wouId have been ok with a hospice, although it’s been hinted that they are a bit full
, might not be near here. She couldn’t see Pooch & there was concern about her being moved any distance, what with fractures etc ... so ... I don't think it’s an option Now she’s been catheterised, it’s a lot easier. No more struggling to get her out & in bed, no more fear of dropping her. Yes, we still have the 24 hour watch, but at least it’s more watch (& her arguing),but it’s not physically difficult as no manoeuvring needed.
Watch this space, all could change ....
Thank you for the hugs, everyone, the support & suggestions. I will probably attempt to reply, but for now I’m recovering from the emotional trauma of the morning & yesterday’s spitting my dummy out with “that Carer”
Whatever you decide Sam you know we will be supporting you and willing you on.
At least the stress of trying to move your Mum has eased - and Pooch is still with her.
Please don't reply to this, just rest and recover like you say.
While you do, more ((((hugs)))) for you xxx
At least the stress of trying to move your Mum has eased - and Pooch is still with her.
Please don't reply to this, just rest and recover like you say.
While you do, more ((((hugs)))) for you xxx
I was wondering whether your mum could be moved safely, @Sam Luvit
Just go with your gut feeling. I hope you dont have another day like that
(((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
Just go with your gut feeling. I hope you dont have another day like that
(((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
I hear you and won't add a but.
Whatever you decide and path you take we are standing alongside you to support you.
Whatever you decide and path you take we are standing alongside you to support you.
Sam, just do what feels right.
Please remember though that you can't pour from an empty vessel. You are lovingly giving so much to your Mum (and no doubt others too) so please make sure you take all help and support offered for you.
TP has your back, we are all here supporting you and sending hugs. You and your Mum - both brave feisty ladies.
Take care, hugs xx
Please remember though that you can't pour from an empty vessel. You are lovingly giving so much to your Mum (and no doubt others too) so please make sure you take all help and support offered for you.
TP has your back, we are all here supporting you and sending hugs. You and your Mum - both brave feisty ladies.
Take care, hugs xx
Sam, I just want to second what others have said. You are one special lady and I know you will do whatever you feel is best for your mum with little thought for yourself.
Whatever you believe is right, is right and we will continue to support you in any way we can - even if that is only with cyberhugs!
Whatever you believe is right, is right and we will continue to support you in any way we can - even if that is only with cyberhugs!
It’s really quite surreal, 10 hours ago, Mum was sobbing her heart out & I'm on my knees ... she’s been catheterised, shot full of drugs & she’s a different person, she’s peaceful, she’s sleeping
We’ve spent some time in with her, obviously, but we’ve also done things, with the help of the baby camera thingy Cleaned up outside the house, taken what’s left of the gazebo down , brother took a chair apart & it’s in a neighbours skip You know, the stuff you can’t get done, yet need to. I’ve even given Pooch a decent walk & I've started dinner I cannot face another takeaway
I’ve even been upstairs for a power nap My first, although I’ve wanted to, I’ve not been able to until today. I don’t know what tonight will bring, but right now, I’m feeling more confident about this.
We’ve spent some time in with her, obviously, but we’ve also done things, with the help of the baby camera thingy
Cleaned up outside the house, taken what’s left of the gazebo down , brother took a chair apart & it’s in a neighbours skip You know, the stuff you can’t get done, yet need to. I’ve even given Pooch a decent walk & I've started dinner I cannot face another takeaway I’ve even been upstairs for a power nap
My first, although I’ve wanted to, I’ve not been able to until today. I don’t know what tonight will bring, but right now, I’m feeling more confident about this.
And here’s more fairy dust for tonight. Ok...cyber hugs and fairy dust, how can they help? It’s the love, support and positive thoughts for you all there, that are hiding inside the words. As Celia says...we have your back x x
Evening @Sam Luvit - so pleased to read that Mum is more comfortable and sleeping peacefully.
When I had my knee replacement I kicked up one **** of a fuss that I did NOT want to be catheterised post op. Huh! I had no say in it - I loved the thing and was quite sad to see it go. You are absolutely right, taking away the need to move or be moved makes a big difference.
I think what you are doing for your Mum is absolutely amazing and pure self-less love.
Keep looking after yourselves - adrenalin highs are great, but be sure to keep recharging those batteries as often as you can and take all the help you can grab too. Not forgetting to dip into that hug mountain just as often as needed.
You are all still in my thoughts and prayers (including Pooch). Hope tonight is calm and peaceful.
X
When I had my knee replacement I kicked up one **** of a fuss that I did NOT want to be catheterised post op. Huh! I had no say in it - I loved the thing and was quite sad to see it go
. You are absolutely right, taking away the need to move or be moved makes a big difference.I think what you are doing for your Mum is absolutely amazing and pure self-less love.
Keep looking after yourselves - adrenalin highs are great, but be sure to keep recharging those batteries as often as you can and take all the help you can grab too. Not forgetting to dip into that hug mountain just as often as needed.
You are all still in my thoughts and prayers (including Pooch). Hope tonight is calm and peaceful.
X
I’m back @Prudence9
Dinner was an old “family” recipe my mum made up out of leftovers & was named “The Sam Special”, it started as sausages, onion, mushrooms & rice all fried together with a fried egg on top, it seemed appropriate as we had leftover rice & brother asked if I could make it. Never one to walk away from a challenge, I did. It was yummy
This time, I’ve sent brother off to bed. I’m a little tired, but I’m not struggling with it. It’s amazing what a power nap can do.
Thank you for the hugs, I must have depleted the bank over the last few days, but it’s nice to have a cheeky one, I always tell my kids ... “a hug can cure most things”.
I’m so pleased Mum is sleeping. She looks peaceful. Keeping her propped in a stable position is important, she had slipped earlier & was very fretful. Brother struggles to understand her, so I went in. I tried a few things, moistened lips, offered water & she didn’t want it ... wow. She started grabbing at her V pillow & I got she had pain. I managed to slip my arm down her back & support her shoulders & she looked relieved
Have you ever found yourself in a position, where you need help, but your phone is out of reach? That was me Brother was in the kitchen checking dinner wasn’t burning. I’m waving at the camera, waving more, I’m keeping Mum stable with one arm & waving frantically with the other. In the end I gave Pooch a shove & told him to go get brother ... dippy dog goes & lies silently by the door. More waving.
Brother heard the beeps, blooming 12 times it pinged but he thought it was just me moving around & didn’t look ... hmmm ... so I gave up. Managed to contort myself enough to reach spare cushions the cares had kindly put almost out of reach, propped Mum up & slid my arm out.
Not having Mum in pain, so I phoned the Hospice. By the time they arrived, she was gentle snoring. I think she gets pain & tries to move from it, then the cast slips off the support cushion & pulls on her shoulder fracture. I’ve propped her “good” side with several cushions & folder a fleece to support the cast on her “bad” side. It’s working so far.
Thank heavens they had to deal with getting her on the commode & realised I wasn’t telling porkies about how hard that is & put in the catheter. I don’t know how you did it solo @rosy18 because there is no way I could
Now I can watch, hand hold, stroke her hair & relax. Not having to get her up is a relief I can’t even begin to describe
@Prudence9 Dinner was an old “family” recipe my mum made up out of leftovers & was named “The Sam Special”, it started as sausages, onion, mushrooms & rice all fried together with a fried egg on top
, it seemed appropriate as we had leftover rice & brother asked if I could make it. Never one to walk away from a challenge, I did. It was yummy This time, I’ve sent brother off to bed. I’m a little tired, but I’m not struggling with it. It’s amazing what a power nap can do.
Thank you for the hugs, I must have depleted the bank over the last few days, but it’s nice to have a cheeky one
, I always tell my kids ... “a hug can cure most things”. I’m so pleased Mum is sleeping. She looks peaceful. Keeping her propped in a stable position is important, she had slipped earlier & was very fretful. Brother struggles to understand her, so I went in. I tried a few things, moistened lips, offered water & she didn’t want it ... wow. She started grabbing at her V pillow & I got she had pain. I managed to slip my arm down her back & support her shoulders & she looked relieved
Have you ever found yourself in a position, where you need help, but your phone is out of reach? That was me
Brother was in the kitchen checking dinner wasn’t burning. I’m waving at the camera, waving more, I’m keeping Mum stable with one arm & waving frantically with the other. In the end I gave Pooch a shove & told him to go get brother ... dippy dog goes & lies silently by the door. More waving. Brother heard the beeps, blooming 12 times it pinged but he thought it was just me moving around & didn’t look ... hmmm ... so I gave up. Managed to contort myself enough to reach spare cushions the cares had kindly put almost out of reach, propped Mum up & slid my arm out.
Not having Mum in pain, so I phoned the Hospice. By the time they arrived, she was gentle snoring. I think she gets pain & tries to move from it, then the cast slips off the support cushion & pulls on her shoulder fracture. I’ve propped her “good” side with several cushions & folder a fleece to support the cast on her “bad” side. It’s working so far.
Thank heavens they had to deal with getting her on the commode & realised I wasn’t telling porkies about how hard that is & put in the catheter. I don’t know how you did it solo @rosy18 because there is no way I could
Now I can watch, hand hold, stroke her hair & relax. Not having to get her up is a relief I can’t even begin to describe
Thank you @Amethyst59 ... the fairy dust worked like a dream. I slept so well last night. It’s very powerful stuff. I will try to use less tonight
I know you have my best interests at heart & I'm grateful. The acceptance that I have to follow my gut, even if it seems nuts, is appreciated. One of the many medics in the last week said they didn’t know if Mum wouId make the journey. (He wanted to get her into hospital). With that comment, I just couldn’t take the risk of her passing en route, so to speak. I don’t think I could look myself in the mirror if that happened.
Mum seems more settled now, less agitated, so, for now, I’m ok with carrying on. I have always said to Mum, I will keep her at home, as long as I can keep her safe. I’ve never promised it will be to the end. I can’t promise unless I believe I can deliver.
How is the playing going? Have I missed another exam? Did you get to ?Italy? I think that’s where you said
