Mum & Dad

[spizzer66]

Hi all, am new to this site.

Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers 5 years ago. My mum is his carer. I have them over for dinner once a week to give mum a bit of a break and my sister does her bit. We are in contact by phone as well. Yesterday mum was in tears, saying she was reaching the end of her tether while dad was just sat there smiling and singing to himself. He is at the argumentative stage where no matter what mum says he disagrees with.
Is there a group / organisation mum can contact for any sort of support? They do not have internet.
Many thank in anticipation

 

[yak55]

Hi all, am new to this site.

Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers 5 years ago. My mum is his carer. I have them over for dinner once a week to give mum a bit of a break and my sister does her bit. We are in contact by phone as well. Yesterday mum was in tears, saying she was reaching the end of her tether while dad was just sat there smiling and singing to himself. He is at the argumentative stage where no matter what mum says he disagrees with.
Is there a group / organisation mum can contact for any sort of support? They do not have internet.
Many thank in anticipation

Hi spizzer66, would a day care placement help?
When looking after my mum we found this very helpful and it gives everyone involved, even your dad, a break.
I'm sure it would help.
You could get in touch with social services for advice and an assessment of your parents circumstances or I always found Alzheimer's society or age uk very helpful.
Good luck and hope you all get the help you need, don't leave it until your mum reaches breaking point x

 

[Lindy50]

Hi @spizzer66
Or your mum could perhaps try Admiral Nurses on 0800 888 6678
They're specialist dementia nurses. They're very over- stretched as you can imagine, but I've heard very good reports of them.
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/

All the best

Lindy xx

 

[Blondee]

Hi spizzer66
It sounds as if your dad has now reached a point where extra help is needed. Your mum won’t want to admit that but sadly with dementia this is inevitable. As yak55 has said, think about a day care placement, it can work wonders. The one thing not to do is to try to ignore the effects of this horrible illness. It just doesn’t work. It’s unrelenting and the longer you put it off the worse it gets. One thing that is true about dementia is that the sooner you acknowledge and tackle it the better all round. I feel for your mum as it’s so difficult to live with and accept what is happening. And also for you as I’m sure you must be there sharing it with your mum as all caring daughters do. It’s awful but really, the sooner you get professional help the better. So contact social services and make sure you get their input to this.

 

[spizzer66]

Thanks for your replies, already very helpful.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @spizzer66
a warm welcome to TP
definitely worth your mum contacting their Local Authority Adult Services and requesting an assessment of you dad's care needs as he has a right to this ( tell her to say she knows little about his finances, when she calls/e-mails as a financial assessment should follow the assessment for care needs but some LAs seem to suggest self-funders can just go and organise things themselves)
a care package will be suggested eg home care visits, time at a day care centre, respite, a visit to their home by an OT to see if any aids or adaptions might help
let her know that there is no question of having to sell their home to pay for care, it is disregarded in the financial assessment as long as one or both of them live there
your mum is also entitled to a carer's assessment
for local services, have a look at this page of the main AS site https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support
and maybe look into applying for Attendance Allowance too