I met with the social worker and manager at dad's care home yesterday. It was a bit of a prickly meeting.
Positives: I now have a better understanding of the care home system, and the social worker confirmed that dad's current home no longer meets his needs. In her opinion he would be better living in an EMI residential/high dependency home (not nursing care, as advised by both the current care home manager and dad's GP). At least that narrows my search down.
Not-so-positives: The social worker was able to make this assessment after observing dad shuffle down the corridor with his walking frame. When the manager filled her in about recent hospital trips, one that followed a fall out of bed, she made a joke of it... a joke that only she found funny. It REALLY annoyed me and I told her so! Oops. This was in the first few minutes so didn't bode well for the rest of the meeting. She later made a derogatory comment about the care home itself, a place that has been excellent from our point of view. She was also of the opinion that dad was doing well, might be like this for the next 5 to 10 years, doesn't have any particular physical disabilities (apart from not being able to talk/walk etc!), wouldn't qualify for nursing care, might need to move again when/if dad deteriorates more, and so on and so on. In other words it's the same thing I've always come across... that dad is never ill enough. I suspect he'd have to be at death's door for adult social care to pay any attention to him.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, and I know there are people far worse, but I'm really tired of the 'it could be worse' attitude when it's obvious to anyone who knows or works with dad just how ill he really is.
This is turning into a rant :-/.
Of course the nub of it all is that he's self-funding. Money that he and mum scraped together over the years in the mistaken belief they would leave it to family. Sometimes I wish they'd just had a few fancy holidays instead (which they never did). At least it's paying for dad's care BUT it means social care wash their hands of dad and happily leave it all to me to manage everything. My old dad would have have hated this situation, it's not what he wanted. My new dad has no understanding of what's going on - I barely know him anymore. I hate to say it but I'm feeling more and more resentful.
I should probably say that we also have elderly relatives on my husband's side of the family too, and the stress of juggling it all is putting a lot of strain on everybody.
Sorry. If you read this far, thank you! I know I just need to knuckle down and visit more care homes. I'll give my head a good wobble and hopefully feel better. Don't know what I'd do without this forum... x
Positives: I now have a better understanding of the care home system, and the social worker confirmed that dad's current home no longer meets his needs. In her opinion he would be better living in an EMI residential/high dependency home (not nursing care, as advised by both the current care home manager and dad's GP). At least that narrows my search down.
Not-so-positives: The social worker was able to make this assessment after observing dad shuffle down the corridor with his walking frame. When the manager filled her in about recent hospital trips, one that followed a fall out of bed, she made a joke of it... a joke that only she found funny. It REALLY annoyed me and I told her so! Oops. This was in the first few minutes so didn't bode well for the rest of the meeting. She later made a derogatory comment about the care home itself, a place that has been excellent from our point of view. She was also of the opinion that dad was doing well, might be like this for the next 5 to 10 years, doesn't have any particular physical disabilities (apart from not being able to talk/walk etc!), wouldn't qualify for nursing care, might need to move again when/if dad deteriorates more, and so on and so on. In other words it's the same thing I've always come across... that dad is never ill enough. I suspect he'd have to be at death's door for adult social care to pay any attention to him.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, and I know there are people far worse, but I'm really tired of the 'it could be worse' attitude when it's obvious to anyone who knows or works with dad just how ill he really is.
This is turning into a rant :-/.
Of course the nub of it all is that he's self-funding. Money that he and mum scraped together over the years in the mistaken belief they would leave it to family. Sometimes I wish they'd just had a few fancy holidays instead (which they never did). At least it's paying for dad's care BUT it means social care wash their hands of dad and happily leave it all to me to manage everything. My old dad would have have hated this situation, it's not what he wanted. My new dad has no understanding of what's going on - I barely know him anymore. I hate to say it but I'm feeling more and more resentful.
I should probably say that we also have elderly relatives on my husband's side of the family too, and the stress of juggling it all is putting a lot of strain on everybody.
Sorry. If you read this far, thank you! I know I just need to knuckle down and visit more care homes. I'll give my head a good wobble and hopefully feel better. Don't know what I'd do without this forum... x
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