Despite telling the care company I really can’t have a call before 09.00, they refused to change & the Carer was early too. Oh yay. Great start. I’d had 2 sips of coffee. Thankfully she’s a dote & insisted I sit & drink & she wouId hold off signing in. I’m thankful for such kindness. The carers are being so kind to me, it’s like they are caring for me too
Mum was asleep, didn’t want to get up. Didn’t want anything. “I’m not having a bath” pouty face. I said she was having a shower & that was the end of discussion. The Carer said she couldn’t make her, but wouId try. Mum had a shower & a hair wash, so she must have changed her mind
I made breakfast & then gave it to Pooch as she didn’t eat anything. I’m not pushing. She takes her meds though, so that’s good. I took her into the lounge as it’s warmer. She then fell asleep
I figured I’d do a bullet point list for the GP, as he’d not met Mum. Don’t know why I bothered, he glanced at it, put it at the bottom of his paperwork & left it behind when he left
GP was young, so not going to have much experience, but I hoped he had some empathy. Huh. I guess him asking me “do you think your Mum is dying?” Should have given me a clue.
No examination. He kept his distance, leaning over her, so not exactly reassuring. Anyway, he then starts talking about how mum is old. There isn’t much they can do to reverse the things that are wrong with her. (She’s looking unsettled)
Then he says .. “you know what palliative care is as you were a nurse”.
Mum snapped back “oh course I know what that is, I may be old but I’m not stupid”
He then tells her, he’s going to contact the palliative care unit & they will come in & make her comfortable. Wow. I just couldn’t believe my ears. He’s just told her she’s old & it’s all over. Some empathy. I wanted to pick him up & throw him out the house.
He then says he needs to talk to me & I will be back with her shortly.
This was his “explanation” of prognosis... can someone explain it in English coz I’m stumped
When we see deterioration on a daily basis, we are looking at days
When we see deterioration on a weekly basis, we are looking at weeks
You are seeing changes every day
We are not looking at days, we are looking at long weeks or short months.
?????????
He then left, saying he would arrange the just in case box (no explanation of what that was, so I’m glad you guys had told me). He will arrange the medication sheet which tells me what & when. He will do a referral to the palliative care team & they should be in touch in a few days
I found my voice at last & told him, with all due respect (in other words absolutely none at all), I’d waited a week, despite both myself & ASC chasing, for a GP to talk to me following P the Paramedics visit. So, exactly when wouId he do the referral & exactly how long is a few days. Referral today. Contact 2 or 3 days.
He couldn’t get out the house fast enough. He shot off. (I’m pretty disgusted)
S the neighbour (not the religious one) arrived as the Dic left. She’d agreed to sit with Mum while I went to counselling as brother couldn’t get here early enough today. I was on auto pilot & just handed Mum over & drove off. I don’t think counselling was the thing to do, but I went anyway. I left early too.
As I had time, I picked up brother & told him the news. He took it well, but he was ranting about the Dic telling Mum. We agreed it was cruel to spell it out to her. I understand the need for accountability & wanting to be transparent, but this is about a scared old lady, not blowing a budget. Surely this just isn’t right. Telling my mum she’s finished isn’t nice. It’s not transparent it’s just horrid. This is not an appropriate time to stick to “the patient has a right to know”
Mum had been very cross about “that doctor” saying she was old & ....” but kept forgetting what she was saying, according to S. I took Pooch round the block while brother sat with Mum, he said she kept starting a conversation about “that eejit of a doctor’ & was really cross & upset by it all
I feel just awful for doing this. I had to, so she can have whatever help & drugs needed to help her, but it’s really upset her. It’s just wrong. What pencil pushing politician came up with this?
Eventually she just fell asleep sitting at the kitchen table.
I decided I’ve had enough. I’ve tried talking to the care coordinator, but gotten nowhere. Lots of “I understand” & not much action. So, I phoned her boss. I said I don’t like going over someone, but I don’t have the energy & I don’t have the time. Please. Sort it out. I need regular carers. I need the same times. I cannot have 08.30 calls. I’m too tired. There is a likelihood they will be involved in extra care for end if life. I think she got the message. I blooming hope so.
Didn’t we just have to have a brand new, never been here before Carer tonight. I spent 10 minutes telling her about Mum, showing her where everything is & helping get Mum upstairs. Carer had ordered a taxi home (I didn’t know) & the taxi driver was in a right mood, just what I needed. The Carer tried, but it wasn’t a great visit. I lay the blame with the office. Hopefully things will improve.
Mum decided she was eating tonight. A whole piece of toast. She then wanted hot chocolate. Lots of prompting to swallow, lots of guiding the cup to her mouth rather than her nose, but she drank it, eyes closed, very little interaction
I suggested she go to bed rather than fall asleep & then have to wake to to go to bed. That’s when the fun really started. She was very unsteady getting up, then wobbling on standing. We managed the short walk to the stairs, but she was then leaning heavily to her right. I had to support her & suggested maybe sitting, but she said she was ok & started up the stairs. Three steps up she couldn’t get her right leg to move, couldn’t weight bear & I'm in no mans land.
I ducked my head under her left arm & took her weight, hanging into the railing, while arm round her waist. I’m thinking she has a fractured pelvis, how much am I hurting her? Tried getting back down the three steps but she couldn’t follow instructions. A few minutes, I’m sweating, I’m scared of hurting her. What do I do? Then she tried again & we slowly made our way up. It was like her right side just didn’t work. Maybe a TIA?
We made the bathroom & into bed, but it was hard work. She kept saying “my leg won’t work”. I had to shout at her to make her stop reaching out at times. It was the only thing I couid do to make her stop. Once in bed I’ve apologised but I feel awful for shouting. She said it’s ok. She didn’t hear me shout at her
Pooch is snuggled up with her. He’s not come down like he normally does. He knows. Bless him. He’s growled at me all day if he can’t get to her as I’ve pulled a door closed to prevent a draft. He’s just wanted to be with her.
My jaw hurts from gritting my teeth all day. My head hurts from holding back the tears. I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep. I know Mum will get up soon & the first alarm will shrill through the house. I know I’ll have 3 or 4 more blaring alarms go off before my gentle “blues” alarm wakes me for another day in paradise
What a day