Respite

Rosie4u

Registered User
Jun 22, 2017
219
0
South Manchester
I know this has been talked about many times on here before but I would appreciate any thoughts.
In would like to have a few days / week at home by myself to sleep and potter aimlessly - actually to get some things done.
My OH would need to go into respite and I know this will upset him - or think I do.
I don’t want him to be put backwards but I think I need to sleep

Thanks
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
Find a good care home which does respite and come up with a good reason for him staying in this hotel, hospital, convalescent home. Tell him about it then don't mention it again until you are actually going there. Leave a big notice taped to where he can see it in the care home saying on which day and date you will be back to get him.

Has worked for me on the last three spells of respite.
 

highland girl

Registered User
Jul 30, 2017
143
0
Yorkshire
I know this has been talked about many times on here before but I would appreciate any thoughts.
In would like to have a few days / week at home by myself to sleep and potter aimlessly - actually to get some things done.
My OH would need to go into respite and I know this will upset him - or think I do.
I don’t want him to be put backwards but I think I need to sleep

Thanks

I’m battling with this decision too, everyone’s telling me I need it but I’m struggling to come to terms with it, lots of people on here have gone/going through it so they may be able to offer you (and me) some good advice. I looked at a couple of care homes yesterday and was even more confused. Xxxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
I’m battling with this decision too, everyone’s telling me I need it but I’m struggling to come to terms with it, lots of people on here have gone/going through it so they may be able to offer you (and me) some good advice. I looked at a couple of care homes yesterday and was even more confused. Xxxx
I so understand, it is confusing looking at care homes. I never really knew what I was looking for. Warmest, all thoughts, Geraldine aka kindred.
 

highland girl

Registered User
Jul 30, 2017
143
0
Yorkshire
I so understand, it is confusing looking at care homes. I never really knew what I was looking for. Warmest, all thoughts, Geraldine aka kindred.

I was advised that they shouldn’t smell of wee!! However I visited two today one the staff were lovely interacting with the patients, everyone appeared happy and friendly and spoke to us as we were going round, but smelly! The other, no smells, much nicer building, but everyone appeared very reserved, nobody spoke to the manager as he was showing me around and I must admit it didn’t occur to me till after I didn’t get to see many patients. So smelly/friendly V non smelly more reserved, it is a mine field, oh and the friendly one you can visit at anytime, the other one you can but they prefer you to avoid mealtimes to avoid distractions. Xxx
 

j261

Registered User
Nov 28, 2016
17
0
I was advised that they shouldn’t smell of wee!! However I visited two today one the staff were lovely interacting with the patients, everyone appeared happy and friendly and spoke to us as we were going round, but smelly! The other, no smells, much nicer building, but everyone appeared very reserved, nobody spoke to the manager as he was showing me around and I must admit it didn’t occur to me till after I didn’t get to see many patients. So smelly/friendly V non smelly more reserved, it is a mine field, oh and the friendly one you can visit at anytime, the other one you can but they prefer you to avoid mealtimes to avoid distractions. Xxx
Hi Highland girl, in my limited knowledge of care homes, I can only say that the first care home my MIL stayed in for respite was quite modern, nicely decorated, en suite rooms. However, I never felt that staff were particularly approachable and they were usually “short staffed”. The care was ok but not brilliant.

My MIL’s current care home is not as aesthetically pleasing, and when we first arrived as an emergency, the room she was originally assigned was on the smelly side. However, before we could put her bags down, another room was sorted that was just fine. MIL’s room is sparse, quite basic but she does not notice these things. The care she receives is lovely, I know a lot of the carers names, they seem to really care about what they do. MIL has freshly cooked food, there are activities she is encouraged to join in with. One lady has her pet dog with her. I would advise to go with your gut, don’t look at the frills, as you could be paying for the decor and not the care. X
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
hi @Rosie4u
if you need a break, definitely look into organising some respite, you as a person and a carer need to look after your own welfare and health
your husband may or may not be happy about this but he will survive, indeed may enjoy his stay - I agree, discuss it with him as little as possible so that there's no chance of building up his resistance - and make up a cover story eg the boiler has packed up/some work needs to be done that will just cause lots of mess .... anything that you think he may latch on to positively
have you had a carer's assessment by your Local Authority Adult Services as respite may be offered as a result of that, or as part of a care package after an assessment of your husband's care needs
but, of course, if your husband is self funding, you can organise the respite yourself
maybe this directory of local services on the main AS site will have something useful https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you#!/search
 

jaymor

Registered User
Jul 14, 2006
15,604
0
South Staffordshire
I know this has been talked about many times on here before but I would appreciate any thoughts.
In would like to have a few days / week at home by myself to sleep and potter aimlessly - actually to get some things done.
My OH would need to go into respite and I know this will upset him - or think I do.
I don’t want him to be put backwards but I think I need to sleep

Thanks


marionq is right @Rosie4u, play it very low key and get it all arranged.If you manage to get a respite bed in a care home then you will see how the home runs and its either dismissed or listed as a probable home if one is ever needed in the future.

You really do have to look after yourself and sleep depravation can cause you so many problems. if you health fails then there will be two people needing care. You need a break and a chance to recharge your batteries. If it does not work then you can always look at other options for the future.

The main thing to remember is the respite is for you.

Hope you manage to sort something.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,445
0
Kent
I know this has been talked about many times on here before but I would appreciate any thoughts.
In would like to have a few days / week at home by myself to sleep and potter aimlessly - actually to get some things done.
My OH would need to go into respite and I know this will upset him - or think I do.
I don’t want him to be put backwards but I think I need to sleep

Thanks

Hello Rosie

This is precisely what respite is about, to give carers a break, to enable them to recharge their batteries, to allow them some time for themselves, to enable them to get a good night`s sleep and to pass over the responsibility of 24/7 caring to others, just for a while.

As marionq suggested, I told my husband the doctor said he needed convalescent care to build up his strength. Even in his dementia, he understood he wasn`t well and readily agreed.

It was a bit of a shock for him to realise I wouldn`t be staying with him, but the care staff expected this and managed it well.

My husband suffered no ill effects and wasn`t `put backwards`.

I spent the week feeling wretched, even though I went to London with friends for a couple of nights to see a west end show.

I hope you manage to get some respite and that it benefits you.

Please let us know.
 

mumsgone

Registered User
Dec 23, 2015
924
0
As i've said to many people you need to look after yourself as well as the other half. Go look at homes book oh in one that you find suitable and allow yourself to breathe. Do not feel guilty you are doing it for oh as much as for your sanity. You are allowed to live a little. Care staff, nurses etc do not work 24/7 like you do. Best wishes in your search xx
 

Paperweight

Registered User
May 8, 2018
30
0
I know this has been talked about many times on here before but I would appreciate any thoughts.
In would like to have a few days / week at home by myself to sleep and potter aimlessly - actually to get some things done.
My OH would need to go into respite and I know this will upset him - or think I do.
I don’t want him to be put backwards but I think I need to sleep

Thanks
I know this has been talked about many times on here before but I would appreciate any thoughts.
In would like to have a few days / week at home by myself to sleep and potter aimlessly - actually to get some things done.
My OH would need to go into respite and I know this will upset him - or think I do.
I don’t want him to be put backwards but I think I need to sleep

Thanks
Hi Rosie4u my oh has just come home from restpite .he was ok .he did have a couple of issues.but they were realy good with him .he will not sit down at all he wanders round all the time .i must say I was very unsettled it took me nearly all week .to settle .i think I will be better next time .i thought it would put him back but he is ok ,he has been to daycare today at same ch and he was fine when I picked him up.so do try it .i must admit it was lovely just having myself to get ready on a morning and go out and have coffe with my two sisters like everyone says we have to look after our selfs to carry on caring .l think you need to look for a EMI dementia unit .i tried one before and I think that's why it did not work it were just a residential home .i wish you luck and hope you can have a rest
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,634
0
South of the Border
I know this has been talked about many times on here before but I would appreciate any thoughts.
In would like to have a few days / week at home by myself to sleep and potter aimlessly - actually to get some things done.
My OH would need to go into respite and I know this will upset him - or think I do.
I don’t want him to be put backwards but I think I need to sleep

Thanks

There are just a few places in the country, where you can 'go on holiday' with your PWD and stay self catering. During the day your PWD goes to the attached day care centre and you go out and enjoy yourself - which is a great idea I think......
 

Rosie4u

Registered User
Jun 22, 2017
219
0
South Manchester
There are just a few places in the country, where you can 'go on holiday' with your PWD and stay self catering. During the day your PWD goes to the attached day care centre and you go out and enjoy yourself - which is a great idea I think......
That sounds good - Ill look for that
Thanks
 

Rosie4u

Registered User
Jun 22, 2017
219
0
South Manchester
Hi Rosie4u my oh has just come home from restpite .he was ok .he did have a couple of issues.but they were realy good with him .he will not sit down at all he wanders round all the time .i must say I was very unsettled it took me nearly all week .to settle .i think I will be better next time .i thought it would put him back but he is ok ,he has been to daycare today at same ch and he was fine when I picked him up.so do try it .i must admit it was lovely just having myself to get ready on a morning and go out and have coffe with my two sisters like everyone says we have to look after our selfs to carry on caring .l think you need to look for a EMI dementia unit .i tried one before and I think that's why it did not work it were just a residential home .i wish you luck and hope you can have a rest
Yes a residential home wouldn't do for him as he needs looking after. Getting more restless by the day.
Thanks
 

Olliebeak

Registered User
Sep 13, 2014
151
0
Buckinghamshire
As i've said to many people you need to look after yourself as well as the other half. Go look at homes book oh in one that you find suitable and allow yourself to breathe. Do not feel guilty you are doing it for oh as much as for your sanity. You are allowed to live a little. Care staff, nurses etc do not work 24/7 like you do. Best wishes in your search xx


Your post is just what I need this evening. I’ve just left my OH in a lovely care home for two weeks while I take a holiday and I am feeling really guilty. He was on board with going and spent a week there in April. Although he was agitated a few times last time and rang me several times to ask when I was getting him home, he did say it was a lovely place and lovely people so I booked this fortnight. The room he has this time is in the older part of the building and not as nice. No ensuit shower or phone land no view from the window as he had before. (It is cheaper but not that much). I have been so looking forward to this break but I feel like I’ve left him in prison.
 

mumsgone

Registered User
Dec 23, 2015
924
0
Your post is just what I need this evening. I’ve just left my OH in a lovely care home for two weeks while I take a holiday and I am feeling really guilty. He was on board with going and spent a week there in April. Although he was agitated a few times last time and rang me several times to ask when I was getting him home, he did say it was a lovely place and lovely people so I booked this fortnight. The room he has this time is in the older part of the building and not as nice. No ensuit shower or phone land no view from the window as he had before. (It is cheaper but not that much). I have been so looking forward to this break but I feel like I’ve left him in prison.
no you haven't left him in prison you have done the best for him so that you can recharge your batteries and enjoy a rest. we all need to have space for ourselves to regroup the brain cells to be able to carry on the wonderful work we all do. I'm sure he will have a fine fortnight if it's anything like where my dad is where they have daily entertainment it's like a cruise ship in dry dock lol. Enjoy yourself xx
 

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