Always a difficult thing to be confronted with, especially in one so close. Vascular dementia is complex and its presentation equally so. Taking any aggression personally is almost an instinctive act in the normal way of things, but with dementia, it is the disease which plays havoc with a brain, making it uncertain, confused, afraid and whatever else and in that context one looks to treating it or reacting to it as an unwanted guest and something removed from the loved one you know. In that respect one's attitude changes from apprehension, irritation, hurt, to one of both awareness and reassurance. We are not talking about physical danger here, that is quite a different matter. Changes in the brain bring about all manner of reactions and feelings in the one who is living with that disease and understanding this is imperative. But none of this is easy and one has to respect this always. But in the Care Home you see almost everything related to dementia. The other day a lovely resident came up to me and confided something into my ear, I responded accordingly, very gently and with a genuine smile. A few moments later, having walked a few feet away, this same resident picked up on something being told to me by a Carer, something which bore no relation whatsoever to the resident in question. But this same lovely resident glared back at me, eyes wide and very severe and reprimanded me with some anger in the voice. Such is dementia. Such is behaviour which stems from misconception, insecurity, confusion, lack of capacity and so on. Or even something else, infection, discomfort, pain. Maybe too, after a time you can recognise those things or 'triggers' which might bring about aggression and be ready to meet them, or back off, or distract. A 'stranger' in your midst can be deeply upsetting, but if one can see that the stranger is in fact the disease, then there is light in that midst and that light is your loved one.