Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

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karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,534
0
N Ireland
Hi my mum has vascular dementia and been diagnosed 5 years ago. She has very recently lost her husband of 58years. Her life has been turned upside down I live close by and have been staying most nights. She is coping. She is able to be left but won't acknowledge her memory problems Not sure what I. Can do
Welcome to TP @Tammyrox, you should find this an informative and supportive place.
Do take time to have a good look around the site as it is a gold mine for information. If you have any specific questions or just want to vent feelings don't be afraid to start your own thread.

If you want to start by having a glance around the very informative AS Factsheets they can be found by following this link
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/...ets/861/publications_and_factsheets_full_list
 

JayFliz

New member
Apr 27, 2018
4
0
Hi all,

I've just joined the forum because my mum (and I) are concerned about my dad (69 years old) who is exhibiting signs of aggression, forgetfulness and confusion.
We want to get him to the GP for tests.
My immediate concern is how I broach the subject with him, I know it's gonna be a hard conversation.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,998
0
72
Dundee
Hi @JayFliz and welcome to Talking Point.

I'm sorry to read about your dad. It must be a worry for you and your mum.

I'm sure you'll find the forum helpful and will get lots of help and support here. It might be an idea for you to start your own thread in the I Care For Someone With Dementia area of the forum. That way you will be able to keep all of your responses together. Just click on the link -

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/i-care-for-a-person-with-dementia.70/

Click on the 'post new thread' button and you'll be ready to start.
 

RuthM82

New member
May 2, 2018
2
0
Hi, I've just joined this forum as I'm looking for advice to help my parents. My dad is 71 and was diagnosed with frontal lobe dementia (behavioural) in January. For quite a few years beforehand we had suspected something was wrong but not been able to put our finger on it. Much of his behaviour is challenging. In particular we are concerned that he has an addiction to buying books, often spending upto £100 a day online. He has always enjoyed books but things are now getting out of hand, both in terms of the expenditure and where to store the books. He doesn't read them but just seems to enjoy the buying and cataloging of them. His consultant has told us just to take away his credit cards but we don't feel we want to or can do this as he is still autonomous is most ways, still driving (awaiting Dvla decision), going out by himself and in control of the finances. Any attempts to set a monthly budget or reason with him seem to fail and he resorts to deceit to buy more books, like an addict. He seems to have few other interests and spends most of the day on the internet, with no conversation or engagement in anything going on around him. I think he just sees his family as a nuisance as we try to prevent him from buying so many books. Any advice from others dealing with a similar situation greatly received! Many thanks
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,534
0
N Ireland
Hello @RuthM82, welcome to TP. I hope you will find this a friendly, informative and supportive place.
I see you have a problem with compulsive buying and I know that some carers remove the security numbers from the back of debit cards to limit their on-line use(after making a secure note of them!). Maybe 2nd hand books would limit the outlay. My wife is similar with on-line shopping and I just ensure there isn't too much cash available for such use. I also removed her credit cards and she has forgotten them. I was somewhat lucky as my wife was subjected to a card scam and it scared her enough to be compliant with me. I was able to ensure that the scam was unsuccessful.
There was a recent thread on the topic of compulsive buying and here's a link to it:-
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compulsive-buying-strategy.108818/unread

As to talking to a person with dementia, here's a link to a very useful thread that gives advice for perfection in that area
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/
 

glow

New member
May 2, 2018
1
0
Hi my name is Chrissie. My mother in law is 73 and lives 165 miles away from me. She obviously has some form of dementia that has been slowly getting worse in the 2 years since my FIL died. I have no idea how to help her.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,998
0
72
Dundee
Hi my name is Chrissie. My mother in law is 73 and lives 165 miles away from me. She obviously has some form of dementia that has been slowly getting worse in the 2 years since my FIL died. I have no idea how to help her.

Hi Chrissie and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to read about your mum but glad you've found the forum,

Has she got a diagnosis yet? If not the information in this link might help you - https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20071/diagnosis/95/assessment_process_and_tests/2

When you're ready why not begin your own thread?

Go to the I Care For A Person With Dementia area of the forum and click on 'post new thread'. Once you've done that you're off. You can ask specific questions, share your concerns or just have a rant if you need to. Here's the link -

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/i-care-for-a-person-with-dementia.70/

If you do that you will be able to keep all of your responses in one place.
 

Mum3

New member
May 2, 2018
1
0
Hi. Thank you for accepting me into the group. My mum has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s six months ago, although we have been living with it for 10 years. I decided to join as I am a mum of 3, one of which has complex needs and just feel at breaking point. I am trying to be a support for my dad, but how can I be when I’m struggling myself. She will not accept anything is wrong and when you mention the ‘A’ word as we call it, she hits the roof! All I want is my mum back.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,534
0
N Ireland
Hi. Thank you for accepting me into the group. My mum has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s six months ago, although we have been living with it for 10 years. I decided to join as I am a mum of 3, one of which has complex needs and just feel at breaking point. I am trying to be a support for my dad, but how can I be when I’m struggling myself. She will not accept anything is wrong and when you mention the ‘A’ word as we call it, she hits the roof! All I want is my mum back.
Hello and welcome to TP. You should find this a friendly, informative and supportive place.
It's an unfortunate reality that Alzheimer's is a progressive condition so the best thing to do is maybe get SS on board for a needs assessment to see if your burden can be eased.
The AS Factsheets that can be reached by following these links may be of use to you
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/downl...the_gp_can_support_a_person_with_dementia.pdf
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/downl...assessment_for_care_in_support_in_england.pdf
 

LazyZog

Registered User
Apr 7, 2018
21
0
Hi all,
I've been skulking here for a while and thought I'd better introduce myself.
I'm 26 & mum is 70 and is awaiting a memory clinic appointment at the end of the month.
She scored 69 on the questionnaire that asked me to think back ten years which was higher than I expected. I haven't yet done the BADLS as things are complicated by mum having another health condition, so I don't quite know how to approach that one.
(Please excuse any typing errors, I'm partially sighted and don't always realise my phone hasn't typed what I wanted. Oh and I ramble - sorry!)
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
hello @LazyZog
you're not rambling at all ..... a warm welcome to TP
I'm glad you've been reading around the site, so you know how helpful and understanding members are and how much support is on offer
now you've started, keep posting
 

Jonty41

New member
Apr 29, 2018
3
0
Hi, I'm Jonty 41 and my husband has been diagnosed with vascular dementia. I have quite a bit of written information, but I wondered if joining a forum and hearing what others were coping with would help me. I have never joined a forum before, but hopefully I will find this useful. One of my main concerns is that my husband will not accept or understand there is anything wrong with him, which can be difficult at times or is that the norm. Thanks for your help - in anticipation.
 

Amethyst59

Registered User
Jul 3, 2017
5,776
0
Kent
Hello, @Jonty41, welcome to Talking Point. My husband has vascular dementia too. There is so much variation, even when people have the same diagnosis. My husband knows that he has dementia ...but it is very common for people to deny that anything is wrong. There is a fancy word for it.
When I first joined TP I was very upset at what I read, and I didn’t want to think that would be our future. Of course, changes come slowly and we adapt as they come.
Have a read round the different threads...and feel free to join in whenever you want. In time you may want to start your own thread, in the forum, ‘I have a partner with dementia’. It is a useful device to keep all the responses to any questions you might have in one place.
This is also a good place to have a moan if you need to, and be listened to by people who understand, and won’t judge you.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,534
0
N Ireland
Hi, I'm Jonty 41 and my husband has been diagnosed with vascular dementia. I have quite a bit of written information, but I wondered if joining a forum and hearing what others were coping with would help me. I have never joined a forum before, but hopefully I will find this useful. One of my main concerns is that my husband will not accept or understand there is anything wrong with him, which can be difficult at times or is that the norm. Thanks for your help - in anticipation.
A warm welcome from me too.
One thread that you may not have found yet but is very good for tips on communication can be found by clicking the link below. I hope it helps you both:-
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/
 

Jonty41

New member
Apr 29, 2018
3
0
Hello, @Jonty41, welcome to Talking Point. My husband has vascular dementia too. There is so much variation, even when people have the same diagnosis. My husband knows that he has dementia ...but it is very common for people to deny that anything is wrong. There is a fancy word for it.
When I first joined TP I was very upset at what I read, and I didn’t want to think that would be our future. Of course, changes come slowly and we adapt as they come.
Have a read round the different threads...and feel free to join in whenever you want. In time you may want to start your own thread, in the forum, ‘I have a partner with dementia’. It is a useful device to keep all the responses to any questions you might have in one place.
This is also a good place to have a moan if you need to, and be listened to by people who understand, and won’t judge you.[/QU

Thanks Amethyst59, There are times when you feel lost and I am hoping it will be good to talk to people who have similar problems. By the way my husband is 67 and I am 69, so I didn't expect this to happen, if it was going to happen until we were older.
 

Maria123

New member
May 4, 2018
4
0
Hi there,

My parents both have dementia diagnosed within last 18 months or thereabouts. they are in their early to mid 80s. I have no other family and am really scared for the future. I see the posts here and wonder if I can cope with what's almost inevitably ahead. My parents do not see a problem. The local cmht diagnosed and discharged. Social services said they would do nothing more than decide whether or not they were self funding so there was no point in doing an assessment. Everything feels like a battle. I feel tearful a lot of the time. Part of the problem is not knowing which battle to prioritise. I'm researching home care providers at the moment but as they won't accept 'strangers' coming in I'm a bit stuck. It feels like you just have to wait for crisis to happen and take it from there?
 

mojo72

New member
May 4, 2018
7
0
Roslin, Midlothian
Hi everyone, my name is Maureen & my Mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia last year. My Mum had a major stroke in 2015 & was very poorly. After her stroke she was a completely different person & I knew it was more than cognitive impairment. My Mum’s memory wasn’t too bad hence why no one listened to my concerns. Following 2 hospital admissions with pneumonia, sepsis & delirium, an OT listened & referred to the community mental health team. They were fantastic & following assessment she was diagnosed. I’ve decided not to tell her as I know she won’t believe me & will cause her undue stress which she doesn’t need. She’s been through enough. Unfortunately 5 weeks ago she had a fall & broke her hip. She now has pneumonia too. I just don’t want to see her suffer anymore & just taking a day at a time. Got to keep going but it’s soul destroying to watch her decline. Wondering if anyone else has decided not to tell their loved one?
 

Soobee

Registered User
Aug 22, 2009
2,731
0
South
Hello Maureen,

welcome to Talking Point. I don't see why you would need to tell your mum if you don't think it would help her to know. If I am faced with a decision like that I would try to weigh up the benefits against possible drawbacks of disclosing it.

It is really hard watching someone you love suffer. Is your mum on antibiotics for the pneumonia?
 
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