This is a long one and I don't expect anyone to read it but i just had to write it down somewhere as I feel like.
running away and hiding
I visit dad twice a day with my husband helping out here and there. On Mothers day my husband had a small heart attack. and had to wait 4 days for an angiogram and another two stents after having one fitted two years ago. I was due to go away with the Open University for a weekend Friday to Sunday and did not expect to be able to go. Anyway husband came out in time and looked after dad for me so it all worked out although we did miss the Jake Bugg gig that we were so looking forward to.
Fast forward to last Friday and husband offered to go down dads to give me a morning off. I actually had an hour off before husband rang me to say he had called himself an ambulance from dads house as he was experiencing same symptoms as before. I rushed down dads and found two ambulances outside and six paramedics in his front room. Apparently dad had been very calm and helpful. He also had no memory of the event when I went back in the evening and asked me what I had been doing all day, I have not reminded him as there is no point.
So I followed the ambulance to the hospital spent seven hours there while they did numerous tests before admitting him and here we are again. Husband has had another small heart attack and is still on the ward waiting for another angiogram. I am still visiting dad twice a day and husband in between. I have to take dad to the hospital Thursday for a gastroscopy which means I will have to sleep there Wednesday night and Thursday night.
I was also going away this weekend with the Open University as I am studying astronomy which is very very hard and I need this weekend or I will fail my exam in June. It is my last exam and I just want to finish and I know that is totally selfish but I am almost there after six years of studying. I never expected to be in this position after all this time. I am totally fed up. I am 61 years old and studying is my salvation at the moment. It is absolutely the highlight of my day to open a book and lose myself in it.
I now have a dad who is starving himself and a husband who has had two heart attacks within a month and also lost a stone and a half since last year. He is 70 this year and has always been very fit and healthy till now.
I am really not expecting to still have dad here this time next year (he may prove me wrong) and we were planning on some travel but right now I can't even look at the future.
I feel like I am trapped in some kind of never ending bad dream and whichever way I go there is some kind of obstacle that I can't get over. I also feel guilty that I am thinking of myself when I have got two poorly people to care for but I never asked for this and I am just fed up with it all.
running away and hiding
I visit dad twice a day with my husband helping out here and there. On Mothers day my husband had a small heart attack. and had to wait 4 days for an angiogram and another two stents after having one fitted two years ago. I was due to go away with the Open University for a weekend Friday to Sunday and did not expect to be able to go. Anyway husband came out in time and looked after dad for me so it all worked out although we did miss the Jake Bugg gig that we were so looking forward to.
Fast forward to last Friday and husband offered to go down dads to give me a morning off. I actually had an hour off before husband rang me to say he had called himself an ambulance from dads house as he was experiencing same symptoms as before. I rushed down dads and found two ambulances outside and six paramedics in his front room. Apparently dad had been very calm and helpful. He also had no memory of the event when I went back in the evening and asked me what I had been doing all day, I have not reminded him as there is no point.
So I followed the ambulance to the hospital spent seven hours there while they did numerous tests before admitting him and here we are again. Husband has had another small heart attack and is still on the ward waiting for another angiogram. I am still visiting dad twice a day and husband in between. I have to take dad to the hospital Thursday for a gastroscopy which means I will have to sleep there Wednesday night and Thursday night.
I was also going away this weekend with the Open University as I am studying astronomy which is very very hard and I need this weekend or I will fail my exam in June. It is my last exam and I just want to finish and I know that is totally selfish but I am almost there after six years of studying. I never expected to be in this position after all this time. I am totally fed up. I am 61 years old and studying is my salvation at the moment. It is absolutely the highlight of my day to open a book and lose myself in it.
I now have a dad who is starving himself and a husband who has had two heart attacks within a month and also lost a stone and a half since last year. He is 70 this year and has always been very fit and healthy till now.
I am really not expecting to still have dad here this time next year (he may prove me wrong) and we were planning on some travel but right now I can't even look at the future.
I feel like I am trapped in some kind of never ending bad dream and whichever way I go there is some kind of obstacle that I can't get over. I also feel guilty that I am thinking of myself when I have got two poorly people to care for but I never asked for this and I am just fed up with it all.