Grumpy OH

[longlostfan]

Well hi there ladies. I’ve been reading your posts @margherita , do hope your teeth are less painful and that the work will go well, lovely pics by the way, and @Beads , am glad that you’re enjoying the grandchildren and that you got the OH to shower - I managed to get my OH showered today too - there never were such times!
Have to say though I am quite down recently, worried about my son who has sunk into despondent lethargy since he gave up his flat in London and moved back here, which has turned out to be the worst thing he could have done. It was only meant to be temporary but somehow because of the way things have deteriorated here he seems to have lost all confidence about his own life, lack of financial stability etc. I can put up with my husband’s me me me attitude - it’s always been like that really - but he’s completely oblivious to anyone else’s troubles, which I know is due to the AD but as he never really put himself out for his kids I feel that although I will look after him as long as I can, and realise that I don’t have much of a life like all of us on here, I just want my son to be happy and hang the rest. He stays in his room much of the time and seems to have lost all the positivity he had when he finished his degree as a mature student. I just want him to be able to move out of here and get on with his own life, and feel a bit guilty that he came back in a way to help here, - not realising how much things would go downhill ..... oh well, I just pray that things will get better for him, you or a miracle happens! My daughter is also constantly stressed out with her job so I don’t really have anyone to dump on now! Am so lucky tho to still have my little job once a week where i can have normal conversations.
Oh dear ladies I am really going on one today aren’t I. The snow is melting away here which is good - it may look pretty but it’s been a real nuisance getting anywhere.
Sorry to rant on, but at least I know on here you understand because you are all going through this horrible stuff in different ways without much of a happy relationship to look back on. My love to you all xx

 

[Beads]

Well hi there ladies. I’ve been reading your posts @margherita , do hope your teeth are less painful and that the work will go well, lovely pics by the way, and @Beads , am glad that you’re enjoying the grandchildren and that you got the OH to shower - I managed to get my OH showered today too - there never were such times!
Have to say though I am quite down recently, worried about my son who has sunk into despondent lethargy since he gave up his flat in London and moved back here, which has turned out to be the worst thing he could have done. It was only meant to be temporary but somehow because of the way things have deteriorated here he seems to have lost all confidence about his own life, lack of financial stability etc. I can put up with my husband’s me me me attitude - it’s always been like that really - but he’s completely oblivious to anyone else’s troubles, which I know is due to the AD but as he never really put himself out for his kids I feel that although I will look after him as long as I can, and realise that I don’t have much of a life like all of us on here, I just want my son to be happy and hang the rest. He stays in his room much of the time and seems to have lost all the positivity he had when he finished his degree as a mature student. I just want him to be able to move out of here and get on with his own life, and feel a bit guilty that he came back in a way to help here, - not realising how much things would go downhill ..... oh well, I just pray that things will get better for him, you or a miracle happens! My daughter is also constantly stressed out with her job so I don’t really have anyone to dump on now! Am so lucky tho to still have my little job once a week where i can have normal conversations.
Oh dear ladies I am really going on one today aren’t I. The snow is melting away here which is good - it may look pretty but it’s been a real nuisance getting anywhere.
Sorry to rant on, but at least I know on here you understand because you are all going through this horrible stuff in different ways without much of a happy relationship to look back on. My love to you all xx

Hi @longlostfan im so sorry that things haven’t turned out as your son thought they might. I can understand you feeling the way you do & you only wanting the best for your son. I would be the same our kids mean the world to us & we always want the best for them, I hope in the near future things change for him. I know we don’t like to off load onto our kids. They have there own problems, I am the same I tend to keep it all in. Then I get to the stage where I’ve really had enough & it just all comes out. It’s good to have our rant on here as we can say how we feel & not be judged . Glad you still have your Saturday job gets you away for a few hours & as you say normal conversation. I never thought for one minute I would ever be in this position.However like yourself I will look after OH as long as I can . Us ladies are all in this together only at different stages with our OH. Thinking of you & sending big (((hugs ))) your way . Take care of yourself speak soon. Xx

 

[margherita]

@margherita , do hope your teeth are less painful and that the work will go well,

Another appointment next Friday . I'd better not think of it..I'm so scared of the dentist.

 

[margherita]

Am so lucky tho to still have my little job once a week where i can have normal conversations.

It is so frustrating not to have anyone to talk with.
We are the two of us..nobody else.
I am lucky to have a few good friends I can chat with on the phone.
OH doesn't like me to be on the phone, but I do not care. It is necessary to my mental health

 

[Beads]

It is so frustrating not to have anyone to talk with.
We are the two of us..nobody else.
I am lucky to have a few good friends I can chat with on the phone.
OH doesn't like me to be on the phone, but I do not care. It is necessary to my mental health

 

[Beads]

Hi @ margherita how are you hope your mouth is ok & you in no pain. I see you have another app Friday hope all goes well which I’m sure it will. Then not long & your implants will all be worth it. Have you got rid of the snow, it has nearly all gone here. Now there is a lot of water laid about so now flooding signs. Oh I wish the Summer was here & I could get into the garden. How’s things with OH . My OH is still in bed I’m just gonna have my lunch & chill till I go pick granddaughter up from school. Haven’t been walking for a couple of weeks now I so miss it as it fills the morning in, soon as weather picks up we will be out again. Speak soon margherita be thinking of you Friday , big ((((hugs)))). Xx

 

[Beads]

Hi @MIA56 hope you are well as you haven’t been on here for awhile. I know you will be busy with moving when you get a spare minute post just to say all ok. Speak soon. Xx

 

[Beads]

It is so frustrating not to have anyone to talk with.
We are the two of us..nobody else.
I am lucky to have a few good friends I can chat with on the phone.
OH doesn't like me to be on the phone, but I do not care. It is necessary to my mental health

You always have your friends on here @margherita. We certainly need friends to talk too. Otherwise we would go mental. X

 

[margherita]

Hi @ margherita how are you hope your mouth is ok & you in no pain. I see you have another app Friday hope all goes well which I’m sure it will. Then not long & your implants will all be worth it. Have you got rid of the snow, it has nearly all gone here. Now there is a lot of water laid about so now flooding signs. Oh I wish the Summer was here & I could get into the garden. How’s things with OH . My OH is still in bed I’m just gonna have my lunch & chill till I go pick granddaughter up from school. Haven’t been walking for a couple of weeks now I so miss it as it fills the morning in, soon as weather picks up we will be out again. Speak soon margherita be thinking of you Friday , big ((((hugs)))). Xx

Hi Beads,
I wish I could have lunch on my own... and also breakfast, dinner, tea.
I wish I could have life on my own.
At the moment it is unthinkable. So I can only grit teeth and go ahead.
I had a bad argument with OH just on my birthday (which he had obviously forgotten, but I do not care). He seems to have forgotten about it, but I haven't.
I can't forget, let alone forgive. I am more and more resentful.
I repeat to myself "a day at a time".
But days are passing by, and my life with them

 

[Beads]

Hi Beads,
I wish I could have lunch on my own... and also breakfast, dinner, tea.
I wish I could have life on my own.
At the moment it is unthinkable. So I can only grit teeth and go ahead.
I had a bad argument with OH just on my birthday (which he had obviously forgotten, but I do not care). He seems to have forgotten about it, but I haven't.
I can't forget, let alone forgive. I am more and more resentful.
I repeat to myself "a day at a time".
But days are passing by, and my life with them

Hi margherita it’s awful isn’t it we wish our lives away. Is it your birthday today if so Happy birthday if it has just gone happy belated birthday. Did your OH always remember your birthday before his diagnosis. Mine never ever bothered even before Alzheimers. OH could see all my cards & still didn’t say Happy birthday to me xx

 

[margherita]

Oh Mia, I am so sorry for you. I hoped the new house would mark the beginning of a new and more positive phase in your life.
I will miss your posts, please let us know how you are when you can.
I feel a bit like I were losing a friend.
Hopefully this sad period will be over and you can have the serenity you need and deserve.

 

[Beads]

Oh MIA56 so sorry to hear all your sad news . Oh bless you the move alone would be stressful with J been the way he is, but then to have all the upheaval of ripping out kitchen etc omg it’s a nightmare. I’m so deeply sorry your niece is very poorly & SIL is now in a Home . I know this is easier said than done but take care of yourself don’t try to be wonder woman & over stretching yourself. I can understand you not feeling up to posting . I will certainly miss our chats . Lots of (((hugs ))) & love. Xx

 

[Beads]

Hi @margherita hope you are well & your appointment at the dentists went well. How is OH any change at at all. The weather here is grim back to really cold weather, we have pouring rain at least it’s not snow. Though it is forecast for the weekend. Well today they are picking up wheelchair that I I got for OH months ago. They keep ringing me to sign it off. However OH won’t hear of someone coming out & showing him how to operate it as he has no intention of using it. He was ok when he was assessed for it & chatty with the lady Then once it arrived omg WW3 broke out . You just can’t help some people can you. So when they rang the other day I agreed the best thing was to return it as someone else could be making good use of it . OH short term memory is getting worse by the day. I bought this soup maker the other day so tried it out explained to him all fresh veg & more healthy. Within minutes he is asking so what did you put in it . I tell him & again within minutes he asks again. That went on for 10 mins. The repetitiveness now is really bad. He was getting up earlier in the day but has now gone back to late afternoon. I just wish he would agree to going to day centre I think this would help & maybe motivate him . However he won’t he is not a very sociable person. As I have said before as this progresses then I will possibly be able to make such decisions for him. Well that’s my moan over margherita hope to hear from you soon. Take care my friend. Xx

 

[margherita]

It is the hope that one day I might have a different life that gives me the strength to go on.
I am so pleased you have posted and let us know how you are doing.
Take care of yourself

 

[margherita]

As I have said before as this progresses then I will possibly be able to make such decisions for him. Well that’s my moan over margherita hope to hear from you soon. Take care my friend. Xx

Hi Beads, I am in the same situation. I can't make decisions for my husband because he can still reason somehow. That's the problem " somehow ".
His short term memory is getting worse and his thoughts often lack logical structure.

Yesterday I lost it..
He was at table, waiting to be served , as usual. I was in the kitchen cooking his steak. He asked me for the umpteenth time " Aren't you eating?" pretending a solicitude which he doesn't have. When it costs him nothing, he pretends he cares
for me.
Today I was jailed at home all day because it has been raining since last night.
Luckily I could chat on the phone with some friends without him interrupting me . I avoid talking to him because he either doesn't understand or gets angry..or both.
Now I am downstairs enjoying some me time . Another day is over.

 

[Beads]

Hi MIA56 glad you had a better day & your kitchen is getting sorted. Hope all went well for your SIL birthday. So sad then to hospice. You know the saying “life’s a bitch then you die” I find myself saying this occasionally when talking to my friend about my unwanted carer role. I know exactly what u mean . At least from your post you sound more positive & chirpy. Hope to hear from you soon . Take good care xx

 

[Beads]

Hi Beads, I am in the same situation. I can't make decisions for my husband because he can still reason somehow. That's the problem " somehow ".
His short term memory is getting worse and his thoughts often lack logical structure.

Yesterday I lost it..
He was at table, waiting to be served , as usual. I was in the kitchen cooking his steak. He asked me for the umpteenth time " Aren't you eating?" pretending a solicitude which he doesn't have. When it costs him nothing, he pretends he cares
for me.
Today I was jailed at home all day because it has been raining since last night.
Luckily I could chat on the phone with some friends without him interrupting me . I avoid talking to him because he either doesn't understand or gets angry..or both.
Now I am downstairs enjoying some me time . Another day is over.

Yes we in similar position however I think my OH is more advanced than yours. Yesterday I had all family after work. He actually joined in with conversation however as I’ve said before . He tends to just talk over people all the time . Then we stop talking & just let him continue but he loses what we were talking about & doesn’t make sense sometimes. We just wait till he is finished & continue our talking . Then it all happens again & so it goes on &on &on. The repetitiveness is soul destroying. I sometimes say to the kids it’s gonna be me next having a memory test , because it sure does take its toll on us. Glad you got to talk with your friends & no interruptions that will have cheered you up. Yes we spend a lot of me time don’t we . It’s like in a relationship but living two separate lives. Hope the weather is better today there. It is freezing here & snow showers . Take care margherita have a peaceful weekend talk soon. Xx

 

[margherita]

Yes we in similar position however I think my OH is more advanced than yours. Yesterday I had all family after work. He actually joined in with conversation however as I’ve said before . He tends to just talk over people all the time . Then we stop talking & just let him continue but he loses what we were talking about & doesn’t make sense sometimes. We just wait till he is finished & continue our talking . Then it all happens again & so it goes on &on &on. The repetitiveness is soul destroying. I sometimes say to the kids it’s gonna be me next having a memory test , because it sure does take its toll on us. Glad you got to talk with your friends & no interruptions that will have cheered you up. Yes we spend a lot of me time don’t we . It’s like in a relationship but living two separate lives. Hope the weather is better today there. It is freezing here & snow showers . Take care margherita have a peaceful weekend talk soon. Xx

Hi @Beads ,
another rainy, dull day here.
Only the two of us, no subject of conversation, as usual. He watches TV, I surf the net. Once again I realize my source of dissatisfaction is not living here in isolation, but living here with him.
His repetitiveness is really unnerving. I know it is not his fault, but besides feeling under house arrest, I feel like an innocent serving life long sentence.

This morning we were planning how to spend our Easter day. Last year we were invited to dinner in a restaurant in Milan by his sister and her family. This year we will invite them to our home, which means six people (sister in-law, her husband, their son and daughter with their partners).
OH is too mean to invite all of them to the restaurant even though he could afford it, so I will have to cook for us all, (which ,to tell the truth, I do not dislike).
Guess who else OH asked me to invite ?
His son! That's enough to spoil the whole day.
The only hope left is he doesn't accept our kind invitation. I will update as soon as I know .

Have a peaceful weekend, as far as possible.
Take care of yourself, dear Beads.

 

[Beads]

Hi @Beads ,
another rainy, dull day here.
Only the two of us, no subject of conversation, as usual. He watches TV, I surf the net. Once again I realize my source of dissatisfaction is not living here in isolation, but living here with him.
His repetitiveness is really unnerving. I know it is not his fault, but besides feeling under house arrest, I feel like an innocent serving life long sentence.

This morning we were planning how to spend our Easter day. Last year we were invited to dinner in a restaurant in Milan by his sister and her family. This year we will invite them to our home, which means six people (sister in-law, her husband, their son and daughter with their partners).
OH is too mean to invite all of them to the restaurant even though he could afford it, so I will have to cook for us all, (which ,to tell the truth, I do not dislike).
Guess who else OH asked me to invite ?
His son! That's enough to spoil the whole day.
The only hope left is he doesn't accept our kind invitation. I will update as soon as I know .

Have a peaceful weekend, as far as possible.
Take care of yourself, dear Beads.

What exciting lives we live. (not) Your OH watching TV. My OH looking at newspaper & I am in onother room like yourself on laptop. No conversation at all. He didn’t get up till 2pm I then got his meal ready for him . I asked him if he was ok & then I mentioned the snow & that was it end of conversation. That will be it for the rest of the day . When he is finished with newspapers he will go upstairs watch tv . Then later on come down have his supper then bed . So I think I must have only spoken about 20 words today . Like yourself it’s like a life sentence. With no time off for good behaviour. Oh it would have been lovely if he had said book a restaurant for you all. It’s a shame he is so mean , you would think he would want to do the same as they did & book a meal out. Having good company & conversation whilst enjoying the lovely meal that you have made will be just as nice if not better. However it would have been lovely to be waited on instead of you doing it all. Omg the dreaded stepson . Like yourself I hope he declines the invite. Trying to be nice to someone you don’t even like is hard work & something you can do without. I know the feeling well. You will have a much better time without him. Does your OH know your feelings towards him or is he oblivious to that aswell. I’ve never hidden the fact from my OH over the years how I feel about his daughter . There is certainly no love lost on either side. She makes me feel uncomfortable in my own house when she used to visit which was only Xmas. Well I think it’s finally stopped snowing. Take care margherita. Yes let me know if he accepts. Xx

 

[margherita]

Does your OH know your feelings towards him or is he oblivious to that aswell. I’ve never hidden the fact from my OH over the years how I feel about his daughter . There is certainly no love lost on either side. She makes me feel uncomfortable in my own house

My husband knows I don't like his son and hope he has not forgotten the reasons why I dislike him.
Their relationship has always been difficult and, above all, loveless.
When I met my husband in 2000 he told me awful things about his son. When I knew him, I realized he was right.
His son visits us no more than twice or three times a year.
I think I know the reason why he visits his father, economic interest.
I do not know why my husband sometimes invites him..fatherly love? I am doubtful about it. Some time ago his son needed money and phoned my OH.
He said he was desperate (or pretended he was)..he said he was thinking of committing suicide.
Can you imagine OH's answer? He invited his son not to have " those bad thoughts ", but did not offer him any economic help.
Is that the behaviour of a father who loves his son?