Worried about losing home - Mums Care

[MaNaAk]

Sorry to hear about your problems past and now, and my best wishes for you dad.

Well yes, i guess part of me is still praying an angel who cares is going to swoop in at the last second and sweep me off the bridge before it crumbles into the sea and the crashing waves below.

The human in me still thinks "They won't really take my and mums family home away will they" but the other side of me thinks, this is all cold and done by the book.

With my wages, and some savings I know I can keep my little bungalow running, and also pay for some work to be done that's needed to be done for a few years.

If they take almost anything from me, I'm screwed. We've never had pots of money or old millionaire uncles die and leave us their fortune. We've always just "got by"

An idea I did have which I don't know is an option would be, basically nothing happens to me or the home, but they get the home upon my death. After all, I won't need it then, and have no family to leave it to. I don't even know if that's something they ever do.

I'm hoping someone soon is going to meet up with me, and see what I emotional wreck I am and how vunerable I am. All I ask is to be left along to live my life in my life long safe place, my home

Dear Snafs,

I'm just letting you know Dad is not too bad today and he hasn't lost his sense of humour with these falls. Also I want to let you know that I am thinking about you.

MaNaAk

 

[Snafs]

Dear Snafs,

I'm just letting you know Dad is not too bad today and he hasn't lost his sense of humour with these falls. Also I want to let you know that I am thinking about you.

MaNaAk

Ahhh, thanks for letting me know. Falls are always so worrying, even for anyone, you are in the lap of the gods from the moment you overbalance till you come to a rest.
So glad his humor is keeping up, a great sign that

 

[MaNaAk]

Ahhh, thanks for letting me know. Falls are always so worrying, even for anyone, you are in the lap of the gods from the moment you overbalance till you come to a rest.
So glad his humor is keeping up, a great sign that

Dear Snafs,

It's important for you and I to keep our sense of humour as well! He is playing 'Hunt The Pink Arm Sling' at the moment and as I said to Roly it's just as well the hospital gave him a white one as well!

MaNaAk

 

[Snafs]

Will admit, I'm feeling a bit low tonight.
Feels like I've put so much effort in, over past couple of weeks setting up phone calls arranging meetings, having some chats etc etc.
And I'm no further really than I was on my KEY POINT of the home.

Pretty much every single organisation I have spoke to so far, just offers, advice, guidance, suggestions, sympathy.

All great, and lovely people, and nice those people are there, but they then seems to either say that's can't go any further or just side step it, and give you some other numbers to call.

Hell, I've phoned up a few, who are supposed to be knowledgeable about elderly care issues, and I seem to know more than them, it's as if they are googling for answers as I ask them.

People here on this Forum have been more helpful to me in real terms.
And I thank you all for it.

Going to have my 1st meeting with my Advocate soon, god I pray he's actually knowledgeable in this field.

I'm all mixed up with emotions of Major fear, but also frustration that I'm still not in contact with anyone that is actually there for me.

Its like I'm tied to the train tracks, the train is coming soon, and I fear the worse, and I've got a lot of people telling me about trains, and about ropes, and making sure I'm comfy tied there, but not one person has a brake lever to stop the train.
And that's the only person that counts for me!

I do need to seek very important advice from you hear.
In just over a week I have the social/finance? people coming round to discuss mums finances etc and I guess to make, or start making some decisions based upon what they talk to me about and what they find.

As this is all brand new to me, I'm so scared, as I've been fearing this, and not sure what I need to prepare for this visit or what to say, or what details I need to have ready.

I'm presuming some here have also had this visit?

 

[Amy in the US]

Snafs, as I'm in the States, I don't have personal experience of the financial assessment, but I am certain I have read that others here have done this, and I hope they will be along shortly to share their experiences with you.

 

[Beate]

To be honest, they should tell you what they need or give you a form to fill in beforehand. Depending on what your mother has in assets they'll want proof of it so bank statements will probably be needed and property documents. I have to say, I never had a visit, I was just given a form to fill in in my own time.

 

[Snafs]

Thanks.
Right now I feel I've opened my hear to so many people over the phone, have so many folders with names and numbers written on them, taking half the week of work so I could get all the calls done, and still not spoken to the RIGHT PERSON who is the one I want.

Hence my frustration this evening.
Yes, I'm expecting they are going to want banking details, but as you say it seems odd to come round to ask me for stuff I can't just lay my hands on as they have not asked in advance what they need.
It sound like that will come, I will say I don't know, and I'll have to find out and get back to them.
Given that I don't have power of attorney. Officially I could get that info anyway.

I do know it all, and have access, but that's only due to mum verbally giving me permission in the past to put right all the money affairs and sort out an utter mess.
But officially I don't know what they would expect me to do.

Seems odd. I mean what is she had 1000 million pounds and I never said anything!
Will they ask me, or can they just get legal permission somehow?

Again, nothing to hide as mums way below the financial threshold anyway.
Unfortunately we never had any long lost millionaire uncles that left their fortunes in their wills!

I'm so scared time is running down, the clock is really ticking now.
And apart from my Doctor (I've seen two now) everyone else is just saying, oh that's a shame, here try this number.

 

[Jessbow]

it really is a bit pointless not being as open and honest with the financial assessment people, it is they, after all, that will asses how care home fees will be paid , the very question you are desperate in need of answering. What is the point of delaying tactics? Its pointless: They are coming to do a financial assessment, its prob pretty fair to say they'd expect you to know the sort of things they'll need.


They don't need to know to the penny, but they will what a reasonable true estimate of a) cash and b) assets, property etc. Do you know where her bank statements are kept? Have them handy.

They may also ask about outgoing( mum won't be responsible for bills if she goes into res care)

There is little point in trying to hide things, be open and honest and talk with them about the longevity of your occupancy in the house.

this really is a turning point in your quest for a decision.

 

[Snafs]

Oh yes, of course, as with everything I will be 100% open and honest with them.
Nothing to hide.
Banking and stuff is online, but if they give me time (once they tell me what they want as nothing has been asked of me yet) then I can pull together these details.

Does seem a bit odd to come round in person without saying 1st can you get such and such ready for us. But I guess they have their methods, so I'm assuming it will be general talking, and then requesting me to produce paperwork as soon as I can.

And yes, this is getting to the key point now, when it could all go amazingly well, or amazingly bad.

 

[Pete R]

so I'm assuming it will be general talking, and then requesting me to produce paperwork as soon as I can.

Do not assume that at all.

This is the process you are desperate to get started so do the best you can and be prepared

At the least have the last 3 months on bank statements printed off and details of any pensions and benefits. If you have ownership details of the house then fine, if not there is no problem as they can do their own checks on that.

Get a letter from your Dr giving any details of diagnosis for anything that may help with a Mandatory Disregard and then write your own "story" of your life much as you have done on here.

This will be just the start of the process and do not expect an answer there and then as it will have to go off to their legal team.

Time to start a new folder but make sure this one is on top of the pile.

 

[Snafs]

Mum gets the state widows pension, and a much small private pension that was my dads.

Will they take both? or let her keep the smaller private one to carry on, to help a little towards keeping her home running (if things went my way)

 

[nita]

They will consider both to be her income so, yes, they will be taken into account with any assessment.

 

[jaymor]

I’m sure they won’t allow any of her pensions to be used to keep a home she does not live in. She will be left with a small allowance of approx. £25 per week to cover her personal needs. Chiropodist, hairdresser, toiletries, clothing etc. Not a large allowance is it?

I would count on all of her pensions being taken towards her care.

 

[Pete R]

Mum gets the state widows pension, and a much small private pension that was my dads.

Will they take both? or let her keep the smaller private one to carry on, to help a little towards keeping her home running (if things went my way)

You cannot have everything your way. Your Mother has rights to her pensions and have no need to pay towards the upkeep of the home you will be now be responsible for (if you get a DD).

Please refer to my earlier post on this thread.

This may seem harsh and is not meant to offend but you do need to bear in mind that if the property is Disregarded then your Mum will be funded by the LA who will take her pension(s) & benefits to offset their contribution. Would you still be able to afford to live there without your Mum's contributions?

 

[Snafs]

Thank you both for this, its what I kinda expected would happen.
Looking at the cost of the care home she may be going to, and I went to visit yesterday.
If the costs on their website is correct, she will not be far from half funding it from both pensions.

I did think both would be taken, I just wanted to confirm it.

 

[Snafs]

Collecting mums things together, to take to her care home.
Feels so weird.
Throwing some bits away I know she will never need, gathering up other bits she may want.
Other items she's not used in years (old handbags) and old address books.

I've just stood in her/my parents bedroom and cried so much I want to re-wind the clock and have my parents back there again.

 

[Selinacroft]

Hi Snafs , my heart is aching for you. As a last resort once you have explored all other avenues, if the worst happens and looks like house will go, I would kick up a huge stink to sell your story to a well paying sympathetic newspaper. Stay strong for your mum.

 

[Snafs]

Hi Snafs , my heart is aching for you. As a last resort once you have explored all other avenues, if the worst happens and looks like house will go, I would kick up a huge stink to sell your story to a well paying sympathetic newspaper. Stay strong for your mum.

Thanks for the kind wishes, I would pray those in power have a heart, apply a tiny bit of compassion and don't punish me and my family for being perfect model citizens all our lives.

Never been in trouble with the law, my father worked from the age of 14 till he was 65, never claimed a penny, did not even get child support.
Mum worked almost all of her life, and I've worked and never claimed anything from 16 to almost 58. No hand-outs from the state for home, everything worked and paid for.

And to be punished at the end, when you see the press about, well you know what I mean, just seems so unjust.

So I pray someone has a heart.

As if it's not hard enough seeing your mum going into care.

 

[Theresalwaystomorrow]

Thinking of you Snafs x
Thanks for sharing your story, but as previous post we all need to share these stories to the people that matter and put them to shame don’t we.
We’ve all got different opinions that’s what makes the world go around but when it comes to this dreadful disease worse than cancer, then it should be automatically government funded.
I really hope you keep your house as your parents wishes do keep us informed x

 

[allchange]

If the worst comes to the worst it may be possible for you to get a sheltered housing place, either local authority or housing association. The minimum age for this is 55 normally. It may not be what you want but is usually easier to get into than normal social housing, especially as a single male. Otherwise there is private rented, but this can be expensive and difficult to obtain if you are reliant on benefits.

Not trying to depress you but please try to plan ahead in case you cannot get the bungalow disregarded. If it is then I think the council may allow a small amount of your mother's income to be used for building insurance.