hello
@Dakota
welcome to TP
as if it's not enough looking out for someone diagnosed with dementia, the tensions that appear in families can tear relationships apart
sadly, what your partner is facing isn't an unfamiliar situation here - some family members seem unable to appreciate how much it costs emotionally, physically and financially to support a parent - and, to be honest, some people just aren't cut out to be carers; sad and frustrating as that is
so I'm afraid your partner's brothers are unlikely to change, however unfair that feels; especially if she has already laid it on the line how much she is doing for their mother
it does often seem that one daughter is pretty much left to get on with things
are LPAs in place for her mother? - it would certainly be useful for your partner to have these so that she has the legal authority to take over her mother's affairs and act on her behalf
has the mother's Local Authority Adult Services been asked to carry out an assessment of your partner's mother's care needs, as she has a right to this and a care package in place (eg home care visits, a sitter, day care, respite) will take some of the strain from your partner - she actually has a right to a carer's assessment, too
sorry not to have suggestions to get the brothers involved - maybe your partner needs to accept their stance and settle her mind to get on with her mother's care in her own way - if they don't interfere, that at least means that she can go ahead and make decisions on her own, with your support
might she herself also join TP; it really does help to realise there are others in similar situations