why am i angry

[Duggies-girl]

On a lighter note slippers survived the washing machine and are still gorgeous!!! Only problem I can't walk around the house in them but what the hey I can still look at them!!

That made me laugh.
I sometimes have a scream in the car. Sometimes I drive a bit too fast and play some power metal really really loud. Makes me feel a bit better for a short while.

 

[Onmyown]

Lucky you I wish I could scream really really loud. Can't remember the last time I've actually listened to music as it makes me cry. Listening to music reminds me of the old happy me when I actually had a life? But yes heavy metal should do it. Ac/dc on really loud.

 

[Onmyown]

My car failed 4yrs ago and I have no money to get another one. Oh gosh how I miss driving and listening to music. I'm trying to save but it's a joke on a carers allowance. But I am a firm believer in karma and know my dreams will come through here in Ireland we have a saying I do get sick of people saying it to me. "you're doing a great job you will be rewarded in heaven". I am sorry but I want to be rewarded before that please..... Us carers will move on from this and be happy one day. It's all that keeps me going to be honest.

 

[PJ]

I have just read your thread and I can identify with the spitting my oh has just started doing this in the house he will spit into waste paper bins and any buckets or bowls he sees when needed. I to have lost it as this is not how he would normally behave and when I pointed this out to him he just does not see why I am so upset. Has any one else experienced this and will it pass.

 

[Fullticket]

I sympathise with your slippers Onmyown. For what it is worth, mum just got up to go to the loo. As usual she had taken off her incontinence pants and on the way wee'd on the carpet and then on the loo floor - which is uneven tiles. At that moment the carer came in to get her up so I have blotted up the wee from the floor but not washed it yet because of the uneven tiles and risk of slipping. So the carer, who takes her shoes off at the door, is walking around in a pair of my bright green plastic garden shoes. She has size 3 feet, mine are 7 1/2. If we get out of this without someone breaking a limb it will be a miracle (and how is it that a PWD who refuses to drink more than sips of water/tea can produce so much wee in such a confined space?). Anyway, I am reading Talking Point and not having to wash armpits and charmpits this morning so bonus I guess.

 

[LadyA]

My car failed 4yrs ago and I have no money to get another one. Oh gosh how I miss driving and listening to music. I'm trying to save but it's a joke on a carers allowance. But I am a firm believer in karma and know my dreams will come through here in Ireland we have a saying I do get sick of people saying it to me. "you're doing a great job you will be rewarded in heaven". I am sorry but I want to be rewarded before that please..... Us carers will move on from this and be happy one day. It's all that keeps me going to be honest.

Anyone said "Offer it up"? That used to be a favourite phrase of years ago!

 

[Raggedrobin]

Duggie's girl, any chance I could come with you on the Transiberian Express? One of the things that keeps me going is that I have all these travel plans mapped out in my mind for the future. those fantasies keep me going.

 

[Theresalwaystomorrow]

Duggies girl, that’s brilliant, think you ought to book a coach there seems to be a lot of us on here who will join you lol x
Seriously thou, sad as it is, when it’s over we all would feel the same
‘new lease of life’

 

[Duggies-girl]

@Raggedrobin and @Theresalwaystomorrow

Glad it's not only me with all these plans. I watched a bit of Michael Palin in the Himalayas yesterday and was so envious. I would love to see those mountains. That's trip number 2

Yes we could all go together. The Great Escape comes to mind.

Sad thing is that I know that none of it will happen while dad is still here but i can't stop planning.

I have 2 days in Dorset planned for March. Brother will have to step in then and I will probably worry myself sick as his idea of care is not the same as mine.

Such is life i suppose.

 

[Onmyown]

I got a cheap flight to germany,cologne it cost me 20euros return..... I am going for four days got cheap hotel too booked in november. Guess im lucky in some ways as ive been all over the world used to work as a nanny. But there are a few places left id like to see : Austria, Denmark,would be lovely . These are not fantasies i will do it. If you want it youll do it. I just hope im not on a zimmer frame before then lol

 

[Duggies-girl]

I got a cheap flight to germany,cologne it cost me 20euros return..... I am going for four days got cheap hotel too booked in november. Guess im lucky in some ways as ive been all over the world used to work as a nanny. But there are a few places left id like to see : Austria, Denmark,would be lovely . These are not fantasies i will do it. If you want it youll do it. I just hope im not on a zimmer frame before then lol

We went to Morocco last year (before dad got worse) Ryan air £15 out and £20 back and we had a tour that I paid for with my Tesco coupons, Brilliant we went to the Atlas mountains and other places, I love mountains. It cost more to drive to the airport and park the car for a couple of weeks. I have been to some fantastic places too, a couple of years ago I went to stay with my son in Japan as he was working there but there are so many other places I want to see.

Yes Zimmer frame, mobility scooter, we will get there. Perhaps we can get reduced travel for being pensioners because I am sure I will be by then.

 

[Raggedrobin]

I've been to the Atlas mountains too, it's beautiful there, isn't it? I think one of the things watching dementia and realising how we don't know how our lives will pan out is that it does make you feel you want to do all those journeys you fancy doing while you still can (although obviously not while the person with dementia is still alive, although we have found mini breaks a huge boost to keep us going).

My partner and I, me in particular, talk about having a grown up 'gap' year after my Mum goes. My partner is the age his Dad was when he died and worries he might pop off, his Dad was one of those people who retired at 60 and was looking forward to doing lots of trips and then got cancer and died. So my partner feels you never know what's round the corner. And for me, I just feel I have been shackled to Mum for the last few years, although she is in care now, I want to feel freedom to roam before I get dementia.

 

[Onmyown]

Some of these flights are great. I went to Prague a few years ago had lunch and flew back home. My friends thought I was nuts but I'm glad I've done things and been everywhere and I've more to do I hope. Yes I'd love to visit Japan but at £15 for an apple I'll go when I win the lotto.

 

[technotronic]

I really don't know where to start this post because i am sat hear breaking my heart.
My OH has just gone off to his Day Unit and i am feeling so guilty that i have'nt been able to cope with him
without me getting so angry. I know he is unable to help how he is and i do try my best but
there are times when i just feel as though i am losing it. One of the things that is really getting to me
is that he has started to spit in the house. On top of everything else that goes with this horrible
disease. I am on edge when we are in company in case he does it.

My wife did that for a short while but then didn't do so anymore.

 

[nanafatana]

My wife did that for a short while but then didn't do so anymore.

 

[nanafatana]

OH seems to be worse whenwe are in the house, although it has happened
sometimes outside. Hope it soon stops!

 

[Herewego]

Frustration - can't say I am really angry but very frustrated! I am currently looking for day centre's where I MAY be able to get him (OH) to go but we will see. He is in the repetitive question stage, worrying about stuff that hasn't happened (cars stolen etal), trying to use his mobile/laptop but can't without help, not remembering what he is doing/was in the middle of doing etc and slowly driving me nuts as I am really just looking after him and don't get anything done.....even just the repetitive questions it is just sooo exhausting trying to deal with it and not lose it! You can tell yourself they can't help it, but that doesn't help much.

I am going to a carer's lunch on Friday - will see if there is some help there - not been before. My OH was only diagnosed formally in April/May 2017 but I have seen it coming since 2011, lost his licence on diagnosis which he is still going on about challenging even tho' we paid for a private assessment and they said not to appeal as he has no hope getting his licence back,. His mom had it (lived with us for the last 18 mths) as have a number of his mom's family - uncle died from it a few days ago.

I have decided that there is one vital thing and that is I need help if I am to stay healthy and calm. To that end I plan to make decisions based on the best for my OH and myself - sometimes that may mean that he will do things or go places he does not want to go. I do not intend to feel guilty about it either (may be easier said than done).

I have also looked into getting live in help as an option that may work although need to find out how to finance it, the room we have. At least we have done wills, LPoA's too, one less thing to worry about!

 

[Olliebeak]

If course you're angry. It's normal. Your life is changing, you hate the changes, and you have no control over them. And the one person you would probably lean on and talk things through with is no longer there for you. It's grief, and frustration, and fear, and guilt, and it all gets too much at times. Don't beat yourself up for being human. Xxx

Well said! That is so true - losing the person you would turn to is the hardest thing