Social services responsibilities for MIL?

[Rosettastone57]

I have posted before regarding going on holiday and leaving MIL but another issue has arisen. MIL is 92 on her own in own property with early onset mixed dementia. She is self funding. She has carers 3 times a day mainly to sort out food and prompt medication. She can still get herself up washed of sorts and get herself to bed. She has no other family or friends who are able or willing to help. When we went away before I managed to persuade a neice who was local to act as an emergency number in the UK should the care agency have problems. The neice refuses to visit or make any other contact with her aunt as she had like many of us been on the end of MIL abuse well before the dementia diagnosis. On our last holiday MIL got no visits at all other than the carers. MIL refuses respite in fact she refuses to go out at all. We had a befriending service briefly but they quickly were given their marching orders by MIL.

The rest of hubbies family live in the USA and now we have found out that his nephew is seriously ill . We would like to visit for 2 weeks but MIL neice is unable to help us as she is moving away herself. So we have no one to rely on here other than the agency who obviously would be aware of our being abroad . MIL has not had a needs assessment so hubbie has written to social services to start the process. I'm just wondering if social services would be responsible for her welfare whilst we are away. Otherwise we would never be able to go anywhere again in this current situation. We both have POA h and w and financial

 

[Kikki21]

I have posted before regarding going on holiday and leaving MIL but another issue has arisen. MIL is 92 on her own in own property with early onset mixed dementia. She is self funding. She has carers 3 times a day mainly to sort out food and prompt medication. She can still get herself up washed of sorts and get herself to bed. She has no other family or friends who are able or willing to help. When we went away before I managed to persuade a neice who was local to act as an emergency number in the UK should the care agency have problems. The neice refuses to visit or make any other contact with her aunt as she had like many of us been on the end of MIL abuse well before the dementia diagnosis. On our last holiday MIL got no visits at all other than the carers. MIL refuses respite in fact she refuses to go out at all. We had a befriending service briefly but they quickly were given their marching orders by MIL.

The rest of hubbies family live in the USA and now we have found out that his nephew is seriously ill . We would like to visit for 2 weeks but MIL neice is unable to help us as she is moving away herself. So we have no one to rely on here other than the agency who obviously would be aware of our being abroad . MIL has not had a needs assessment so hubbie has written to social services to start the process. I'm just wondering if social services would be responsible for her welfare whilst we are away. Otherwise we would never be able to go anywhere again in this current situation. We both have POA h and w and financial

Are you thinking of going away very soon? I have a similar situation in that my mum has scared off a lot of family & friends with her abuse, in particular her own niece & now that she has not had a great life expectancy diagnosis from her consultant today, I am messaging round relatives & family friends & telling them what I have been told today.

Your husband is better off also ringing social services as well as writing. Does your MIL have an assigned social worker?

Ah & you have said that she is self funding & you have POA then you could simply instruct the agency to increase the hours & pay accordingly I would think. Have you spoken to the agency as well?

 

[Rosettastone57]

Are you thinking of going away very soon? I have a similar situation in that my mum has scared off a lot of family & friends with her abuse, in particular her own niece & now that she has not had a great life expectancy diagnosis from her consultant today, I am messaging round relatives & family friends & telling them what I have been told today.

Your husband is better off also ringing social services as well as writing. Does your MIL have an assigned social worker?

Ah & you have said that she is self funding & you have POA then you could simply instruct the agency to increase the hours & pay accordingly I would think. Have you spoken to the agency as well?

Sorry I didn't make this clear that mother-in-law has up to this point had no involvement with social services. Everything has been put in place after seeking advice from the Alzheimer's Society and local dementia support hub we have been away before and simply ask the agency to up the hours we have no problem doing that . We've done it before successfully however in the emergency situation should mother-in-law fall ill or going to hospital other than contacting us with a six hour time difference there is no one available who will seek help for her in the UK

 

[Kikki21]

Sorry I didn't make this clear that mother-in-law has up to this point had no involvement with social services. Everything has been put in place after seeking advice from the Alzheimer's Society and local dementia support hub we have been away before and simply ask the agency to up the hours we have no problem doing that . We've done it before successfully however in the emergency situation should mother-in-law fall ill or going to hospital other than contacting us with a six hour time difference there is no one available who will seek help for her in the UK

Ah I see - in that case then wouldn’t the agency contact you if there was an emergency?

 

[love.dad.but..]

I would imagine the agency have a duty of care if they find mother has fallen and or needs urgent medical attention so make appropriate call to emergency services. When I used live in carers for dad for a short time this was their protocol...deal with the medical emergency first ie administer any first aid if appropriate and call 999 then call me. Of course that may get MIL attended to urgently but if you are out of the country and there is absolutely no one else I would think SS would be alerted by the hospital. Of course what you don't want to happen is for the hospital to discharge her after an incident and deliver her on her doorstep but presumably you would expect the care agency if they had to deal with an emergency to pass on your contact details and that they would also contact you so you could speak to the hospital yourself. Ask her agency what the procedure in such a case is...they probably look after LA funded still at home clients who have no one.

 

[Lancashirelady]

I really don't see what advantage having a social worker would be in this situation. If MIL is self funding and you have POA why can you not just find her a place in respite care? At least you will know that she is safe and being looked after. Even ignoring the question of safety it will be horrible for her being on her own for such a length of time and if she was anything like my mum she could end up bothering the neighbours just to get a bit of attention She would probably go into care with a struggle but she would be much better off and you would be able to relax without fretting about getting an emergency phone call.

 

[Rosettastone57]

I really don't see what advantage having a social worker would be in this situation. If MIL is self funding and you have POA why can you not just find her a place in respite care? At least you will know that she is safe and being looked after. Even ignoring the question of safety it will be horrible for her being on her own for such a length of time and if she was anything like my mum she could end up bothering the neighbours just to get a bit of attention She would probably go into care with a struggle but she would be much better off and you would be able to relax without fretting about getting an emergency phone call.

She refuses to go out of her bungalow let alone go into respite. She has mobility issues so hasn't been out to see neighbours for years. The neighbours won't have anything to do with her. It was hard enough before to get a neighbour to get her some groceries when we were away. We've tried the respite idea previously when we've been away but she refuses to entertain it. If we tried with subterfuge I still don't think it will work. The issue is not having a liaison contact in the UK to deal with emergencies with the 6 hour time difference. There's no magic answer other than never go away which hubbie won't entertain either

 

[DollyBird16]

Hi
Some thoughts from me.
Would Mum wear the fall alarm, at least you know there would be support in the event of a fall. Access through key safe.
I’ve read of others using apps on the phone to keep an eye on loved ones, through a camera, sorry i’m so not tech and the doorbell that goes to your phone with an image.
I’m sure a care agency would happily be paid to drop by and ask if she needs milk,as a cover up, just to check she is ok.
All that said, bet you’ve got all that covered.
It’s such a worry. I’m arranging care for Mum, Dad is there but they are elderly. it worries me so to go away even with that in place, I really do empathise. X

 

[Shedrech]

hi Rosettastone57
seems to me you have been doing all you can for your MIL and if she flat out refuses to co-operate, she has that right - which doesn't make life easy for you and your husband
the LA have the 'duty of care' for all adults especially those who are vulnerable - so your husband is right to get them involved and have an assessment of her care needs, so she is flagged up to them
however, if your MIL has capacity and refuses to go into respite, Adult Services won't force her
but you can give them the dates you will be away and make it clear to them that she has only the care her current agency provide and no other visitors, so no-one is going to be checking on her - and let them know that you will be out of the country so wholly unable to return to deal with any urgent call from/about her
you might also inform her GP and the police, so they are warned of her situation
might AgeUK be able to offer someone to check on her
does she have any alarms of any kind in her home eg a pendant alarm linked up to the phone, so she can press it for assistance, or a door alarm if she does open it in the night
if your MIL can take in the situation and grasp that she will not have you around for 2 weeks but will not accept extra help/a sitter/day care/respite while you are away, you can only do so much

 

[DeMartin]

Surely the LA have a duty of care, MIL may be self funding, but as has been said on other posts no one has a legal obligation to care for another adult. At least if you get her assessed then they are aware of her situation and carers would have an instant emergency contact with the authorities. After all you and OH could be “abducted by Martians” and then where would she be.

 

[Rosettastone57]

Hi
Some thoughts from me.
Would Mum wear the fall alarm, at least you know there would be support in the event of a fall. Access through key safe.
I’ve read of others using apps on the phone to keep an eye on loved ones, through a camera, sorry i’m so not tech and the doorbell that goes to your phone with an image.
I’m sure a care agency would happily be paid to drop by and ask if she needs milk,as a cover up, just to check she is ok.
All that said, bet you’ve got all that covered.
It’s such a worry. I’m arranging care for Mum, Dad is there but they are elderly. it worries me so to go away even with that in place, I really do empathise. X

Yes there is carelink in place and milk and groceries delivered. I managed last time to get neighbour to bring in a Saturday paper. We went away last year for 3 weeks with care visits increased and as many strategies in place as possible but that was with the neice available in UK. Even then she never made contact with her aunt during the whole time so we were dependent on agency to let her know of any difficulty. I think I will take up idea of the doorbell video I think it's called ringdoor or something similar

 

[Rosettastone57]

Surely the LA have a duty of care, MIL may be self funding, but as has been said on other posts no one has a legal obligation to care for another adult. At least if you get her assessed then they are aware of her situation and carers would have an instant emergency contact with the authorities. After all you and OH could be “abducted by Martians” and then where would she be.

Surely the LA have a duty of care, MIL may be self funding, but as has been said on other posts no one has a legal obligation to care for another adult. At least if you get her assessed then they are aware of her situation and carers would have an instant emergency contact with the authorities. After all you and OH could be “abducted by Martians” and then where would she be.

That made me laugh....abducted
..anyhow thanks everyone for the thoughts we'll wait for social services to get in touch