Eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative ...

[northumbrian_k]

It is becoming harder to accentuate the positive as everything that we do together - even the things that my wife enjoys at the time - come back later as some form of complaint. She spends her days making rude remarks about passing strangers, moaning when the dog she loves so much does not do his business where she tells him to, complaining that things get moved around the house (yes they do but who by?) and building up her frustration and resentment so that she can have a good go at me at least once a day. Yes, I understand that having dementia must be frightening for her (she doesn't acknowledge it but I think that she does know) but the constant complaining about everything is wearing away my stoic tendencies. I am trying to train myself to show no reaction to, and perhaps even tune out, her constant litany of things that are wrong but it is hard going when not answering her is just one more reason for her to complain. Caring for someone is said to be rewarding but I'm still waiting ...

 

[Amethyst59]

I’m saying this tongue in cheek....but while you are waiting; don’t hold your breath!

 

[northumbrian_k]

I’m saying this tongue in cheek....but while you are waiting; don’t hold your breath!

 

[jumbo]

It is becoming harder to accentuate the positive as everything that we do together - even the things that my wife enjoys at the time - come back later as some form of complaint. She spends her days making rude remarks about passing strangers, moaning when the dog she loves so much does not do his business where she tells him to, complaining that things get moved around the house (yes they do but who by?) and building up her frustration and resentment so that she can have a good go at me at least once a day. Yes, I understand that having dementia must be frightening for her (she doesn't acknowledge it but I think that she does know) but the constant complaining about everything is wearing away my stoic tendencies. I am trying to train myself to show no reaction to, and perhaps even tune out, her constant litany of things that are wrong but it is hard going when not answering her is just one more reason for her to complain. Caring for someone is said to be rewarding but I'm still waiting ...

I can identify with your parting thought that caring for someone is supposed to be rewarding! My wife, unlike yours, does not walk round the house. She spends nearly all day in bed and the rest on the settee watching TV. I try to get words out of her in between trying to persuade her to eat! Where is the lively intelligent person who used to rigorously question our present Prime Minister? I get so frustrated but then have to stand back and tell myself that its not my wife's fault that she has such a dreadful illness. I must try to do my best to make her life as comfortable as possible. Family support from daughter is NIL as they are far too busy! It has been a long nine years but I try to treat each new day as a starting point. However, I have lost count of the times that I have cried myself to sleep. Where would our other halves be without us? Keep up the good work.

 

[Agzy]

It is becoming harder to accentuate the positive as everything that we do together - even the things that my wife enjoys at the time - come back later as some form of complaint. She spends her days making rude remarks about passing strangers, moaning when the dog she loves so much does not do his business where she tells him to, complaining that things get moved around the house (yes they do but who by?) and building up her frustration and resentment so that she can have a good go at me at least once a day. Yes, I understand that having dementia must be frightening for her (she doesn't acknowledge it but I think that she does know) but the constant complaining about everything is wearing away my stoic tendencies. I am trying to train myself to show no reaction to, and perhaps even tune out, her constant litany of things that are wrong but it is hard going when not answering her is just one more reason for her to complain. Caring for someone is said to be rewarding but I'm still waiting ...

I can so relate to this situation although in slightly different ways but, as with you, I am without doubt the villain of whatever is annoying her. I try hard not to retort but it is so difficult sometimes, good luck with ignoring it as don’t hold out to much hope for it.