Can I ... Should I?
- Thread starter Sam Luvit
- Start date
Afternoon all,
Sam (((hugs))) I agree that your mum might now be at the stage of needing to be told things rather than asked. I know you are stuck if she flatly refuses to leave the house, go to the bathroom, whatever else it is you want her to do
- but it might be time for a change of tack.
Your mum coped when you were away, she should be OK while you walk the mutt. I wonder if she actually wants you to see her doing things she 'shouldn't'? I am certainly glad that she didn't hurt herself falling off the steps this morning!
I had my usual coffee/lunch with BFF today and managed to get the last 2 'special' Christmas cards for my Godsons. I have been struggling to find adult cards for them but managed to find something I like in a little independent shop. Even better, they did not cost an arm and a leg!
Hubby has Manflu so is feeling very sorry for himself.
Sam (((hugs))) I agree that your mum might now be at the stage of needing to be told things rather than asked. I know you are stuck if she flatly refuses to leave the house, go to the bathroom, whatever else it is you want her to do
- but it might be time for a change of tack.Your mum coped when you were away, she should be OK while you walk the mutt. I wonder if she actually wants you to see her doing things she 'shouldn't'? I am certainly glad that she didn't hurt herself falling off the steps this morning!
I had my usual coffee/lunch with BFF today and managed to get the last 2 'special' Christmas cards for my Godsons. I have been struggling to find adult cards for them but managed to find something I like in a little independent shop. Even better, they did not cost an arm and a leg!
Hubby has Manflu so is feeling very sorry for himself.
Hi @jugglingmum
I have bundled her in the car with a “we are going to town now”, it’s simething I can do when she’s in an ok mood, but when she’s got “that” look, no chance. Today was a definite “that” look day. I’ve left her to it. She eventually got bored, I’ve restored the kitchen
We’ve moved on to “little girl lost” until I gave in & made her a frothy coffee. Then it was grateful. She’s now in a good mood & taken the fluffy ball round the block.
I’ve decided I’m back to telling her we are having a cleaner, I’ll start twice a week & increase to 3 times. The girl is very down to earth & has worked in care homes, I’ve explained about wanting to throw stuff out & how Mum thinks she does all the cleaning:-(
I’m pretty sure Mum doesn’t do silly stuff when I’m no where near, she tells me how “good”she’s been, not to carry the hoover downstairs etc. I don’t know for sure, but I’ve gotten pretty good at judging when she’s outright lying. It’s a bit like when the kids were little, I knew they lied, then had to work out what they’d done
Let’s hope the good mood lasts. I’m doing chicken & mushroom pasta in a cream sauce, so that’ll help. I used to think food was the way to a mans heart... it’s the way to a PWD’s heart
I have bundled her in the car with a “we are going to town now”, it’s simething I can do when she’s in an ok mood, but when she’s got “that” look, no chance. Today was a definite “that” look day. I’ve left her to it. She eventually got bored, I’ve restored the kitchen
We’ve moved on to “little girl lost” until I gave in & made her a frothy coffee. Then it was grateful. She’s now in a good mood & taken the fluffy ball round the block.
I’ve decided I’m back to telling her we are having a cleaner, I’ll start twice a week & increase to 3 times. The girl is very down to earth & has worked in care homes, I’ve explained about wanting to throw stuff out & how Mum thinks she does all the cleaning:-(
I’m pretty sure Mum doesn’t do silly stuff when I’m no where near, she tells me how “good”she’s been, not to carry the hoover downstairs etc. I don’t know for sure, but I’ve gotten pretty good at judging when she’s outright lying. It’s a bit like when the kids were little, I knew they lied, then had to work out what they’d done
Let’s hope the good mood lasts. I’m doing chicken & mushroom pasta in a cream sauce, so that’ll help. I used to think food was the way to a mans heart... it’s the way to a PWD’s heart
Aw, thank you @Amy in the US, no need to worry, I’m a tough nut really, just cross at her for being so dumb. The last thing I need is her in rehab for broken bones.
Yes, I think she is moving in that direction, she was 3 going on 4 (on the scale), but I think she’s more 4 leaving 3, IYKWIM. please don’t make her clingy, following me around, I will go nuts. I’ll be hiding in the loo or wearing headphones. I hate being followed around. Really hate it.
I know she can’t help it, I know she wants to do things, it’s hard juggling letting her & keeping her safe. But, I’m going to start stamping my feet for more support. Big brother is stepping up a bit, that makes me feel better, but I need something regular, set in stone, even 4 hours once a week would be a life saver right now.
I’m pinning quiet a bit on Poppet. There won’t be steps to clamber up, there won’t be cleaning to do (I’ll do that when it’s parked outside & she is NOT having a key). I’m hoping the change of scenery & chatting with other people will help.
Yes, I think she is moving in that direction, she was 3 going on 4 (on the scale), but I think she’s more 4 leaving 3, IYKWIM. please don’t make her clingy, following me around, I will go nuts. I’ll be hiding in the loo or wearing headphones. I hate being followed around. Really hate it.
I know she can’t help it, I know she wants to do things, it’s hard juggling letting her & keeping her safe. But, I’m going to start stamping my feet for more support. Big brother is stepping up a bit, that makes me feel better, but I need something regular, set in stone, even 4 hours once a week would be a life saver right now.
I’m pinning quiet a bit on Poppet. There won’t be steps to clamber up, there won’t be cleaning to do (I’ll do that when it’s parked outside & she is NOT having a key). I’m hoping the change of scenery & chatting with other people will help.
Hi @Slugsta
Yes, I do feel telling more than asking is the way to go, I’ve already changed offering a few suggestions to telling her we are going to this town or having this to eat. I let her look at the menu, then tell her this is what she had last time & liked. She accepts that, tells me I’m bossy sometimes, but also has that relieved look in her eyes. So I definitely think it’s the way it has to be now
The club thing is a bit more of a challenge. She hated the last attempts, so I want to find something she enjoys. No blooming bingo or dominoes, she’s proud of her relative fitness, so I want to get her back to that. The group stopped for a while due to ill health, but has recently restarted, it’s an awkward time & day for me, but I am looking at how to get round that. Maybe just take her & chat to others to see if anyone could pick her up, I could collect her / them later.
The more I think about it, the more certain I am that she is doing things she shouldn’t when she knows I will catch her. Not sure how I can handle that. The ladder is hidden & really difficult to get at, but the step stool is harder to hide. She’s not above raiding the garage & dragging things in from there (yup, tried that one). Put a very high shelf up with things I want her to leave alone, but it only holds so much. Refused to buy oven cleaner, so she walked to the shop & bought some. She was exhausted after & I told her off. Didn’t do any good.
I gave up on cards last year & donated to a local charity that help the homeless. I know it’s a bit of a cheat, but it was so much easier & I felt good about helping a local charity.
Please ask your hubby to keep his man flu to himself. It’s so much worse than the regular variety & none of us mere mortals want it this month
Yes, I do feel telling more than asking is the way to go, I’ve already changed offering a few suggestions to telling her we are going to this town or having this to eat. I let her look at the menu, then tell her this is what she had last time & liked. She accepts that, tells me I’m bossy sometimes, but also has that relieved look in her eyes. So I definitely think it’s the way it has to be now
The club thing is a bit more of a challenge. She hated the last attempts, so I want to find something she enjoys. No blooming bingo or dominoes, she’s proud of her relative fitness, so I want to get her back to that. The group stopped for a while due to ill health, but has recently restarted, it’s an awkward time & day for me, but I am looking at how to get round that. Maybe just take her & chat to others to see if anyone could pick her up, I could collect her / them later.
The more I think about it, the more certain I am that she is doing things she shouldn’t when she knows I will catch her. Not sure how I can handle that. The ladder is hidden & really difficult to get at, but the step stool is harder to hide. She’s not above raiding the garage & dragging things in from there (yup, tried that one). Put a very high shelf up with things I want her to leave alone, but it only holds so much. Refused to buy oven cleaner, so she walked to the shop & bought some. She was exhausted after & I told her off. Didn’t do any good.
I gave up on cards last year & donated to a local charity that help the homeless. I know it’s a bit of a cheat, but it was so much easier & I felt good about helping a local charity.
Please ask your hubby to keep his man flu to himself. It’s so much worse than the regular variety & none of us mere mortals want it this month
Lol. Caught on the hop ...
The boiler engineer phoned, said he’d spoken to Mum & she said we didn’t need anything
No, no, no, please don’t believe her, she’s got dementia. No, no, no, please still come
Bless him. He said she sounded a bit confused so he rang me. He’s on his way. New boiler, but upstairs no heating. They were supposed to blast the system, but I guess they didn’t do it properly & despite me saying I’d bleed the radiators if they could talk me through refloating, they said they would send someone out
Rushed home & now waiting
The boiler engineer phoned, said he’d spoken to Mum & she said we didn’t need anything
No, no, no, please don’t believe her, she’s got dementia. No, no, no, please still come
Bless him. He said she sounded a bit confused so he rang me. He’s on his way. New boiler, but upstairs no heating. They were supposed to blast the system, but I guess they didn’t do it properly & despite me saying I’d bleed the radiators if they could talk me through refloating, they said they would send someone out
Rushed home & now waiting
Hi Sam,
The thing with this pernicious disease is that, just as we develop strategies for dealing with tricky situations, the dementia progresses and we are faced with a different set of problems I always felt at least one step behind with Mum, arranging AA just before she went into the CH and things like that.
I hope you are able to develop the required strategies to make your life more bearable - and that the situation remains stable for a good length of time. I'm glad your Bro is stepping up a bit more but, as you say, you really need some regular time off.
Hubby decided he felt well enough to venture out for lunch and we also picked up some paint for the lounge wall. We want to paint the wall the fire is going on a different colour from the others to make a bit of a feature of it. At some stage we might think about some paper for that wall but it certainly isn't high priority. Yes, the fire we have sounds rather like yours, this is ours
http://www.diy.com/departments/beldray-fontana-black-led-fire/1356585_BQ.prd I am somewhat perturbed to see it has a 1* review but it is the only review so I am hoping it is an aberration!
The thing with this pernicious disease is that, just as we develop strategies for dealing with tricky situations, the dementia progresses and we are faced with a different set of problems
I always felt at least one step behind with Mum, arranging AA just before she went into the CH and things like that. I hope you are able to develop the required strategies to make your life more bearable - and that the situation remains stable for a good length of time. I'm glad your Bro is stepping up a bit more but, as you say, you really need some regular time off.
Hubby decided he felt well enough to venture out for lunch and we also picked up some paint for the lounge wall. We want to paint the wall the fire is going on a different colour from the others to make a bit of a feature of it. At some stage we might think about some paper for that wall but it certainly isn't high priority. Yes, the fire we have sounds rather like yours, this is ours
http://www.diy.com/departments/beldray-fontana-black-led-fire/1356585_BQ.prd I am somewhat perturbed to see it has a 1* review but it is the only review so I am hoping it is an aberration!
Slugsta, online reviews are a blessing AND a curse.
Hope the fire is okay. What colour are you considering?
Sam, hope it all works out!
Hope the fire is okay. What colour are you considering?
Sam, hope it all works out!
The whole of the flat is currently magnolia. Inoffensive but rather bland. We are doing the lounge wall in a slightly peachy pink as the suite is a burgundy colour and the new rug has burgundy in it too.
Yes @Slugsta I do feel like it’s one step forward & 2 steps back, but then I get things running smoothly(ish) for a bit, only for something else to pop up
I was going to try sorting things a bit today, but as ever, other things came up. However, the radiators are blasting away, I’ve hung curtains in my bedroom & I’ll have time tomorrow (famous last words)
Glad the man flu has abated enough to permit a bit of shopping. Your fire looks lovely. I’d ignore the only review, when it’s 20 or 30 That’s different, but only 1 is just an opinion & some people don’t buy well, they see what they want it to be & think it’s what they are buying, fingers crossed you love it.
On a much better note .... Poppet is now parked outside
I’m tied in knots at the thought of driving her, but I’ll have a go when everyone has gone out tomorrow.
I’m itching to get inside & measure up things we need & check how it all works
I’m tied in knots at the thought of driving her, but I’ll have a go when everyone has gone out tomorrow.
I’m itching to get inside & measure up things we need & check how it all works
On a much better note .... Poppet is now parked outside
I’m tied in knots at the thought of driving her, but I’ll have a go when everyone has gone out tomorrow.
I’m itching to get inside & measure up things we need & check how it all works
Still have screwdriver in hand... haunting carparks
Driving poppet will be a breeze
Eventually
Xxxx
On a much better note .... Poppet is now parked outside
I’m tied in knots at the thought of driving her, but I’ll have a go when everyone has gone out tomorrow.
I’m itching to get inside & measure up things we need & check how it all works
Whoop whoop
we have a Fiat Ducato converted camper van, which I drive occasionally, which is 6m long. The driving is fine, although seating position is hit and miss, parking, bit scary. First time I drove it was 3am on a French motorway, that bit was fine. Getting back into a small campsite pitch, OH did that even if he'd had a drink (not on the road by then)
Still have screwdriver in hand... haunting carparks
Driving poppet will be a breeze
Eventually
Xxxx
It’ll be grand. Once I’ve identified all the keys. I think I was given a few spares, I now have 2 new door keys as well, so that’s going to be fun
She’s a Fiat Ducato Cheyenne, with a custom build!!! I get a small double bed & Mum gets a slightly large single bed. I need to sort the heater, as there is no way I’m taking her without blasting heat. Also need to get a short car lead for the pooch. We have a harness, but have yet to put him in it. It will be used, whatever Mum says. But, with seat belts in the rear she can sit with him if she wants to.
She’s about 6 metres (18 foot), so a lit longer than I’ve driven recently. No power steering, so I’ll be building some arm muscles on parking, but moving should be ok. I’ll let you know how the parking goes
