Had enough today.

[Pollytickle]

Morning...

What can I say...in some ways having the responsibility of all the laundry upon someone else's shoulders is a wonderful feeling, but some of the other stuff can 'irritate' when you hand over all care to the 'professionals'.

The staff are wonderfull with the residents & treat them with respect at all times but, of course, they have more than one person to look after. The other evening ( about 6:30 I guess ) Mum was incredibly sleepy so I used her bell to summon help; that wasn't an easy choice to make, but when someone eventually arrived ( they have different buzzers for the level of urgency, & do adjust their response times accordingly ) & I explained Mum would be more compliant if they did what they had to do then, rather than let her fall asleep in the wheelchair & become ... feisty, shall we say...later if they woke her to do it, it was well over an hour before they came back. It's that kind of thing that is upsetting, but I knew it was because other residents were probably in the exact same position.

On the other hand, she will be getting a lovely hair-do Weds morning from a hairdresser who has extensive experience of working with PWD, in the afternoon a fashion show put on for the residents by B0n M@rche with a tempting 20% off all purchases and - best thing is - it's her birthday too!
There's no way I could do anything to make her days at home even slightly different, being in a flat & no lift, & of course I wish I had the resources to have a full-on dedicated nursing team to care for Mum in the custom built apartment in the west wing, but I don't live in Downton Abbey...we're more like a make-do tent in a lay-by... Doesn't stop me dreaming though.

Then again, in my world, there wouldn't be pain or suffering in the first place...

 

[john1939]

Hello, Sometimes during a quiet moment I think about the situation we find ourselves in.
As a child brought up during the last war our family endured many hardships but we survived because we had the support of the greater family. During those days most of my family lived close by so you could call on relatives at a time of trouble, and there was always someone to help at the time of illness.
Not so nowadays as children and siblings tend to be scattered to the winds, due to work and relationships. This causes feelings of isolation and despair.
I often told my daughters as they were growing up that life is "not fair" and you will be better if you don't expect it to be. We just have to make the best of the situation we find ourselves in while consoling ourselves that things could be worse, much worse.
Nothing is forever, time will eventually resolve everything.

 

[DollyBird16]

..we're more like a make-do tent in a lay-by... Doesn't stop me dreaming though

Just the same here @Pollytickle but nothing lost by having a dream and of course we’re grounded. X

 

[Pollytickle]

Oi you sleepy-heads

Has everybody survived the wrath of Ophelia? You folk in various bits of Ireland looked like you had the worst of it this time...

I'm beginning to think our mothers are related via kindred spirit Lavender cuz when I went in yesterday I was told Mum was "exerting her rights" too, refusing to eat or drink & getting a tad annoyed with the staff trying to freshen her up for the day. With that in mind, I'm going in early today to make sure the chiropodist can check her feet & ankles can't remember the last time it was done but it's an important one, with her Diabetes & things...best get a shifty on then!

 

[rosy18]

Oh Lavender what a dilemma for you. Think long and hard. I'm having a few bouts of aggression with Mum lately mainly at toilet and tablet times neither of which she wants to do so that dreaded look is happening, grabbing my hands and some verbal abuse which is new so I'm hoping it's just a blip and peace and quiet will come back PG.
So don't rush into anything too quickly with your Mum there's no need to make any had type decisions.xx

PT hoping you're coping with the different way of caring for your Mum as we all know whether our loved ones are at home or in a home we are still taking care of them. Hope your Mums feet were ok.xx

Marnie just read your incontinence post so I hope you get some good feedback That must be a nightmare. At least I can get my Mum to the toilet to change her pads. (Hugs)xx

Hope the rest of the gang are all OK not heard from a lot of you for a little while so hoping you are all alright
Jorgie, Worrier, Mollyd, Harrys'd ((huge hugs))xx

 

[jorgieporgie]

Evening Ladies,
I have been reading your post but have nothing productive to say at the moment just that I am thinking of you all.
It was Mum's birthday on Monday so was feeling quiet low and also it will be one year since she passed on the 31st so not a good Month for me. Big hugs to you all xxx

 

[rosy18]

Evening Ladies,
I have been reading your post but have nothing productive to say at the moment just that I am thinking of you all.
It was Mum's birthday on Monday so was feeling quiet low and also it will be one year since she passed on the 31st so not a good Month for me. Big hugs to you all xxx

Thinking of you Jorgie it's a tough time for you. Sending you warm ((hugs))

 

[HillyBilly]

Evening Ladies,
I have been reading your post but have nothing productive to say at the moment just that I am thinking of you all.
It was Mum's birthday on Monday so was feeling quiet low and also it will be one year since she passed on the 31st so not a good Month for me. Big hugs to you all xxx

Hello JP - a sad month indeed. Maybe plan a little something for the anniversary to cheer yourself up? Hugs xxx

 

[LadyA]

And big huggies back to you, @jorgieporgie

 

[Lavender45]

Evening everyone. I'm afraid I'm on the moan again.

Mum isn't good, she was asleep throughout my visit, she has pneumonia and is clearly exhausted.

I called the home a short time ago as I'm worried about her and was told she's fine. I pointed out that she was far from fine when I left and this got changed to she was fine after the relatives left. Call me cynical but I don't believe them so much so that I'll be in there first thing tomorrow to read her notes.

Whilst I'm at it I also have issues with the food mum is served. I won't say which company is responsible for the home mum is in, but below is an extract from their sample menu:

Lunch

Beef in Ale Pie with mashed potato and seasonal vegetables
or
Salmon Fishcakes with boiled potatoes and peas

Wild Berry Eton Mess
or
Apple Strudel with ice cream

Now mum's lunch as recorded:

Barley soup (mum ate this)

A scotch egg with beans (mum refused)

Rice pudding (mum ate this).

To me mum seems to be on a bargain basement menu, but this home is costing the 117 funding an absolute fortune. I appreciate I expect a lot, maybe too much, but I'm not happy.

 

[Waterfordman]

Evening everyone. I'm afraid I'm on the moan again.

Hi Lavender, Try and read her notes if you are able, ask why she is not getting the food on the menu, it could be that she refuses everything except what they are feeding her.

 

[Lavender45]

Hi Waterford man I take photos of mum's notes so I have a record of how things are. I agree mum might be making the odd off piste selection and the scotch egg and beans meal wasn't witnessed by me, but I have seen what they pass off as Irish stew, which was set menu one evening along with fishcakes as an alternative. I've also seen the fishcake mum chose in a selection of either that or a mixed grill. The school meals served when I was a child looked more appetising. I've not said much to the home about the meals as I have bigger issues over care, but honestly!

Now I've moaned to you I better remember I have some manners, welcome to talking point, there's lots of support on here and not everyone moans like me. How are things with you?

 

[Waterfordman]

Now I've moaned to you I better remember I have some manners, welcome to talking point, there's lots of support on here and not everyone moans like me. How are things with you?

Well I'm all the better for finding this forum. I've just posted in the intro thread, guess I should have done that first.

Are they tied into the one menu or is there room to tailor it, I'd definitely be challenging the quality and value for money aspect

 

[rosy18]

Hi Lavender doesn't sound great does it. I can sense your dissapointment and frustration. The food being served to your Mum is a big issue and I would definitely be questioning why your Mum is having different from the menus.
I do hope you Mum is feeling better when you go tomorrow she will be exhausted.
The battle goes on for you Lavender TG your Mum has you. Xx


Welcome Waterfordman to TP this is a great place to come and chat. We are all here for each other for me it has been a life saver.
Look forward to reading more posts from you.

Hope everyone else is doing ok xx

 

[Marnie63]

Reminds me of the place mum was in for 10 days in the Summer of 2016 (which I moaned about a lot then, so won't go on so much about it now!) for an emergency respite stay (following the 'emergency' of me nearly having a severe breakdown!). I saw the meals a few times when the residents were eating, but one day I saw them unpack and repack the freezer, and it all seemed like the cheapest stuff money could buy. It wasn't 'wrong' as such, but to feed people cheap, frozen food on a permanent basis seemed very wrong to me. I'm sorry to hear your mum has pneumonia Lavender, sounds serious. I hope they take good care of her, and she gets over this soon.

Hope everyone is coping reasonably well. I'm still living in some other parallel universe compared to 'normal life' as I knew it before. It felt like this before mum's stroke, when all I had to contend with was the nonsense that the dementia forced out of mum's mouth all day, but this is a new universe of toileting, cleaning and washing in bed, and I never quite understood how hard this is. But, as I'm up for anything, I am getting on with it. Mum seems to save things up until the last carer has left, so I have to do changes late, well, around midnight, as it is now! I imagine that before long I will become an expert at fitting a pad on a sleepy, immobile mother. It's amazing what you can do if you set your mind to it.

I nearly fell out with the care agency this morning as they have changed the schedule so much this week and things reached a head when it came to light that they hadn't informed me of some of the changes! I'm not used to this, but then the previous set up was much simpler compared to the now three visits a day. We have made up, so all is well.

On a positive note, a friend popped in to see us tonight and has offered to come and spend Christmas with us. This has cheered me up. I have no worries about 'ignoring' Christmas, but the thought of having some company for a few days and maybe even enjoying myself, is appealing. Maybe by then I will feel a bit better about things all round.

I am still struggling with the fact that I can't move mum unless there is a carer here to help me (actually last night I hoisted her back to bed myself as she was in pain from her bedsore/wound, it was fine, but I'm not planning to do that on a regular basis). I am going to push the Physio and OT next week for a solution so that I can do more stuff myself and not be so reliant on carer help. I am also calling in a private Physio for a 'second opinion'. More heads are better than one, and maybe someone has some ideas. It makes me sad that mum has become totally incontinent by default. Yes, she had a stroke, but she can still sometimes sense when she needs to go, but sadly I have no way of getting her onto the commode to even try. It seems wrong.

Still feeling gloomy, but not quite as gloomy as before. Maybe that's some good news as well?

Generally, I am struggling a lot with my life having to revolve around other people's visits, and of course the 'rampaging hordes' traipsing through my home. I will never get used to it and I will never like it, but I have to accept it in order to keep mum at home. I will just have to grin and bear it!

 

[Pollytickle]

I can relate a little with the menu Lavender; after many notes being left, telling anyone I saw in a uniform & eventually confronting the people plating up, I think I may have finally convinced them that Mum would probably eat more if they didn't try to give her stuff she doesn't like! My Kiddiwinks have said I shouldn't spend so much time with Mum now, but until they have a better idea of her likes & dislikes I shall do my best to be there for lunch & dinner. I've also got some children's sized cutlery - theirs seems so big & clumsy when she is so diddly to begin with - & some sports type water bottles for drinks so she is becoming a bit more independent in her way.

I'm going to have to stay away for a few days anyway as I've somehow contracted a d&v lurgy, & I'm feeling sorry for myself. There's so much to do but *raspberries* to the lot of it: I'm skulking under my blankie, curled up in the corner of the sofa & over-dosing on daytime TV in between inspecting the bathroom a little more closely than I would prefer

 

[HillyBilly]

So sorry to hear you're feeling poorly @Pollytickle.

@Lavender45 try not to stress too much over the foodstuffs. I know it doesn't sound great but at least your Mum is eating something. Scotch egg and beans sounds like a strange combo though, I think many people would refuse this! I would query why your Mum isn't being given the chance to refuse the other menu items!

Hugs @Marnie63 - I would find it very difficult to deal with lots of people in and out too x

 

[jorgieporgie]

So sorry to hear you're feeling poorly @Pollytickle.

@Lavender45 try not to stress too much over the foodstuffs. I know it doesn't sound great but at least your Mum is eating something. Scotch egg and beans sounds like a strange combo though, I think many people would refuse this! I would query why your Mum isn't being given the chance to refuse the other menu items!

Hugs @Marnie63 - I would find it very difficult to deal with lots of people in and out too x

 

[jorgieporgie]

Evening Ladies,
So sorry Lavender about your poor Mum. The meals sound dreadful and scotch egg and beans I think anyone would refuse that. Why don't you go in at meal times and take photo's.
Marnie been thinking about you too, It is so hard. I know how you must be struggling watching the decline and having your house invaded, I struggled with that too. Hope things get a bit easier for you and something to look forward to at Xmas.
Welcome Waterfordman I am sure you will get all the support you need on here, they truly are a bunch of lovely people.
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and I am always thinking about you, just struggling a bit the Month.
Big warm hugs to you all xxxx

 

[Dutchman]

Thanks for being there. It's at this time in the morning 05.00 that I wake and fear for the future. Vascular dementia means a probable step change in my wife's condition.Im going to wake one morning and she's staring out the window. Will she haven't a clue how to dress, cook, not remember my name, all those things I'm warned about. I want to do the the things together while it means something, buy her stuff while she still understands, be normal.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

Guess what, after waiting for nearly 6 months my wife has been given a limited to one year driving licence renewable on medical grounds. We thought she'd have it taken away so she's considering herself lucky. But we go out for a drive and she's forgotten how to change gear blaming it on the length of time away from the car. So we struggle home. She was all ok before she was stopped back in May and I believe getting the VD diagnosis with the consequential restrictions , with no medical or medication help available for this condition, has been a disaster. We might as well have just left it as a diagnosis hasn't assisted us in any way. And it's all my fault for insisting we go to the Memory Clinic in the first place hopeful we'd get assistance. Moral.......careful what you do and wish for.