My husband has had dementia for over 12 years. I retired early from my civil service job, to look after him. I have not had any Carers come in. Just started taking him for Day Care 2/3 times a wk from last Sept as I hav had health problems and my Dr & social worker wanted me to have a break.
In April /May, this year his behaviour changed considerably. He hallucinates, talks about being beaten, attacked by 'he / they' men. He swears at these men but in the last few wks he has also started swearing at us. We have been married 43 years & I have never heard him / members of his family swear before. He dies that when we try to get him to stop him doing something or with hygiene issues. He was a quiet professional person, very polite and well liked by all his colleagues and clients.
In the last 4 wks he has started having violent episodes - social worker, Drs, emergcy services have been involved. A very hard decision but my 2 sons & I have finally come to the conclusion that he needs to go into a Home. It is a nightmare finding a home as I can't leave him to view one. Can't leave him with my sons either. Social carer says he needs an EMI / nursing care home. It's absolutely amazing how much homes charge, while the local authority funding is so low -despite having paid full National Insurance and Taxes ( PAYE ) for 46 years. I have also just discovered the 'top up' charges! He doesn't have much savings as he had a heart attack in 1985. Had v high chlestrol which never came down despite all the latest medication, so he thought he was not going to survive beyond 70 and early likely to carry on working. He paid extra Nat insce SERPS & stopped paying into a private pension, so that we could concentrate on paying off the mortgage instead, in case he dies while the boys are still young. My brain is so tired I can't think straight. So I was wondering if someone could help 1. Let me know from experience of a 'good caring' home in the Stockport area which does not have a large top up - so I can pay a visit with help from friends.
2. Should the full 'SERPS' element of the pension be taken into account by the local authority when calculating their contribution towards his care.
3. Shouldn't he qualify for Continuing Health Care now?
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
In April /May, this year his behaviour changed considerably. He hallucinates, talks about being beaten, attacked by 'he / they' men. He swears at these men but in the last few wks he has also started swearing at us. We have been married 43 years & I have never heard him / members of his family swear before. He dies that when we try to get him to stop him doing something or with hygiene issues. He was a quiet professional person, very polite and well liked by all his colleagues and clients.
In the last 4 wks he has started having violent episodes - social worker, Drs, emergcy services have been involved. A very hard decision but my 2 sons & I have finally come to the conclusion that he needs to go into a Home. It is a nightmare finding a home as I can't leave him to view one. Can't leave him with my sons either. Social carer says he needs an EMI / nursing care home. It's absolutely amazing how much homes charge, while the local authority funding is so low -despite having paid full National Insurance and Taxes ( PAYE ) for 46 years. I have also just discovered the 'top up' charges! He doesn't have much savings as he had a heart attack in 1985. Had v high chlestrol which never came down despite all the latest medication, so he thought he was not going to survive beyond 70 and early likely to carry on working. He paid extra Nat insce SERPS & stopped paying into a private pension, so that we could concentrate on paying off the mortgage instead, in case he dies while the boys are still young. My brain is so tired I can't think straight. So I was wondering if someone could help 1. Let me know from experience of a 'good caring' home in the Stockport area which does not have a large top up - so I can pay a visit with help from friends.
2. Should the full 'SERPS' element of the pension be taken into account by the local authority when calculating their contribution towards his care.
3. Shouldn't he qualify for Continuing Health Care now?
Any advice would be very much appreciated.