Can I ... Should I?

[Slugsta]

Afternoon all,

Sam (((hugs))) I'm very glad that your mum has been in a better mood today. It seems that she has enough cognitive function to remember an argument from one day to the next - isn't that just s*d's law?!

You have clearly got a lot of sorting done in the garage and I can understand that has, rightly, given you a feeling of accomplishment - but please try not to do yourself a damage!

Rosi, I'm sorry that your mum has another UTI I hope her bowels soon do what they should and everything returns to 'normal'.

LadyA, I didn't realise you had been through FIP with a cat (((hugs))). If Sky does have it, she clearly has the 'dry' variety. Knowing when to say 'Goodbye' is really hard but we must always do what is right for our beloved companions. There is a very wise saying 'Better a week too soon than a day too late' (timespans vary) and that has certainly helped bring me comfort when I have been wondering if I did the right thing. My criteria for Sky are eating and purring, she is doing both at the moment.

 

[Sam Luvit]

'.
...There is a very wise saying 'Better a week too soon than a day too late' (timespans vary) .

Hi Slugsta

Yes, mum sure does remember the bad things, not so much the good, but definitely & always the bad Really irritating, but that's how it is

I've packed the recycle bin to its limit & stacked flattened boxes on top, fingers crossed the bin men are feeling generous. But, I'm always nice to them, so hope they return the compliment tomorrow. Mum is under strict instructions to add no more tonight

I've put a few empty boxes in the loft for the future when I will need to pack & move out. Heaven inky knows what / where to, but that's another time. At least I'm clearing space.

Still no car , person who "knows all about it" was out when I called, so still no idea of when I'll be mobile again. It's been 3 weeks now. The work laptop is missing me apparently, I'm missing it as I no longer have any structure & the days mean nothing. It could be Sunday or Thursday, all the difference it makes.

The garage needed sorting, the backbone of the job is broken, so I'm now poodling about finding homes on shelves & it feels much better. Next will be a sell off clearance as I've found I gave a few duplicates & several things that will never have a home. Beautiful very comfy wicker chairs, with nowhere to put them . A hostess trolley that's been used a few times & is surplus to requirements. It's sad, but no point in hanging onto stuff

I like that saying, I'm going to try to remember it

 

[doodle1]

Three weeks Sam,three weeks for the car ???? Are they building you a brand new one?i assume you're paying for it? Get onto them and do not get off the phone until you have an answer of when it will be ready. Do NOT be fobbed off - that is outrageous,tell them you will start billing them for every day of lost work .
Channel your blooming inner diva and make a fuss- full lemon faced voice on the end of the phone. Ask them if they consider their timeframe acceptable? Very useful word that. Say you need a courtesy car to take your elderly mentally frail mother to the doctors,hospital etc.
That is just taking the p****.
Big hugs sweetie ,go after them

 

[rosy18]

Could do with you here Sam to attack my garage, really does need a good sorting just can't muster up the energy
I have to agree with doodle Sam it does seem a bit ott with the time frame that the garage is having your car. Would they not give you a hire car?
GP just left here re Mum she still hasn6had a bowel movement now 15 days but after listening g and feeling Mums stomach they said to leave and see how it goes till end of week.Mum wouldn't let her feel her back passage she started to cry and then shought Mum just wouldn't lie on her side, so more laxatives and on it Goes!
Hope your having a good dayVery overcast here but still warm. Going to make some soup put some chick peas in wash some strawberries and grapes and hope Mum will eat a little of something to "make her go"

 

[Sam Luvit]

Three weeks Sam,three weeks for the car ???? Are they building you a brand new one?i assume you're paying for it? Get onto them and do not get off the phone until you have an answer of when it will be ready. Do NOT be fobbed off - that is outrageous,tell them you will start billing them for every day of lost work .
Channel your blooming inner diva and make a fuss- full lemon faced voice on the end of the phone. Ask them if they consider their timeframe acceptable? Very useful word that. Say you need a courtesy car to take your elderly mentally frail mother to the doctors,hospital etc.
That is just taking the p****.
Big hugs sweetie ,go after them

Hi Doodle

Thank you, that made me laugh. . I know it's probably not what you meant to do, but it was a good laugh

Oh yes, I'll be paying. £££ no doubt.

Tbh, I don't have the energy. My inner Diva is having a week off . They said they might find me a loan car this week, but 1) I'd probably have to pay & 2) I'd have to walk there to pick it up & that walk is beyond me today. I will call them tomorrow & see what the verdict is ..... so long as it's not beyond economical repair, I don't care anymore.

Mum has an appointment at the end of the week, with more coming up, so something has to happen soon. That & the walks to the shops are meaning I do very little else on those days

You'd think I'd lose some weight with all the extra walking, but that's not happening either

 

[Sam Luvit]

Could do with you here Sam to attack my garage, really does need a good sorting just can't muster up the energy
I have to agree with doodle Sam it does seem a bit ott with the time frame that the garage is having your car. Would they not give you a hire car?
GP just left here re Mum she still hasn6had a bowel movement now 15 days but after listening g and feeling Mums stomach they said to leave and see how it goes till end of week.Mum wouldn't let her feel her back passage she started to cry and then shought Mum just wouldn't lie on her side, so more laxatives and on it Goes!
Hope your having a good dayVery overcast here but still warm. Going to make some soup put some chick peas in wash some strawberries and grapes and hope Mum will eat a little of something to "make her go"

Hi Rosy

I was doing little bits at a time in the garage, but barely making a dent. Having someone beside me meant it was easier to move things & motivated me to get on with it. After all, they would not be coming back any time soon

I'd happily give you a hand, but maybe not this week it's a long way to walk

I do hope something works soon, it's got to be uncomfortable for your mum. I don't know what else to suggest

It's been overcast, sunny, overcast ... all day long. I've chopped some of the bushes, deadheaded some flowers & thinned out some of the tree. Thankfully the bin men took all the recycling, so it looks a bit better now

 

[Margi29]

Could do with you here Sam to attack my garage, really does need a good sorting just can't muster up the energy
I have to agree with doodle Sam it does seem a bit ott with the time frame that the garage is having your car. Would they not give you a hire car?
GP just left here re Mum she still hasn6had a bowel movement now 15 days but after listening g and feeling Mums stomach they said to leave and see how it goes till end of week.Mum wouldn't let her feel her back passage she started to cry and then shought Mum just wouldn't lie on her side, so more laxatives and on it Goes!
Hope your having a good dayVery overcast here but still warm. Going to make some soup put some chick peas in wash some strawberries and grapes and hope Mum will eat a little of something to "make her go"

Your poor mum Rosy, I feel so sorry for her, she must be beside herself and won't really realise why. I hope this is resolved soon xx

 

[Margi29]

Ha ha, how about that

This morning has been frosty, walking past me muttering "why don't you go away", I only got a hello because I stood in front of her, blocking her path & said "morning" , no she doesn't need anything from the shops, got plenty of milk etc etc

Knowing she would be out of milk tomorrow, has no tea (pity she didn't tell me as it was running out) & bread out of date today, I walked to the shops

Mum rang, but no message. Then she rang again saying everything was OK, she'd found the dog ??? (I was on the phone, so Ansaphone messages

Amyway, I've come home & she's grinning away, hugs, smiles & chatty. I think the cream cake & found dog cheered her up



Seems the dog followed her out to the bin, then I guess he hid under next doors trailer tent when he couldn't get back in. He's filthy & only had a bath on Friday, but is going to need another

Dog is snuggled in his bed, mum is happy & rabbiting on about nothing & I'm resting up for the next saga

Cream cake all the way so glad it did the trick

Total joke around our way re recycling I actually think some people are just plain thick !!!! Bags of rubbish scattered about, mixing recycling with food !! Take away containers thrown just anywhere !!! The list goes on

So glad you've got reasonable bin men in your area, I may have to try bribing ours

I have a loft full to brim of books etc... one day I will eventually get up there and sort, if not, you will read in paper of couple in Yorkshire, killed because of collapsed ceiling, with hundreds of books on top of them

The garage needs a sharp word maybe ?? I know I would be lost without my car.

So glad you've got Ireland booked, enjoy every minute, they will love you I'm sure

 

[Margi29]

I know it's a while since I've posted, I keep up with what is happening when I get chance

Mums been ok this week, I had a conversation with her about if or when anyone who lives at her complex ever decided to go walk about during the night

I explained to mum that if this ever starts happening with ' anybody in here ' then they would have to leave and go in a ch !! Mum said ' I would never do that ' ermmmmm right !!!

Mum has not told us anything at all about her recent nocturnal habits ( she's obviously forgotten) nothing has happened the past week. We had a urine sample in and yes !!! Infection so maybe due to infection ??

My sister took mum for afternoon tea at a lovely cafe near us. My sister said the sweet old lady ( our mum ) was a delight, in fact so good and apparently totally composmentus,
You would never believe that there was anything wrong. I had been the previous day, the last thing I always do and have done for years to both mum and dad is say ' love you '
This time the manager was witness.

Well mum rang me that evening.

Mum: why were you saying that to me ???
Me: what ???
Mum: about the money!!!
Me: what about money???

The conversation went on and on, total absolute rubbish ( well in my mind ) I had left mum happy and within hours she had obviously had a sleep or whatever this dementia decline is doing ?? And made up total random rubbish !!! I hate dementia !!!!

My mum is fixated with money and where and who has got her money , drives me to distraction.

She had £140 on the 12 July in her purse, by the 21st she said she had none !!! ???

I have been and checked her purse, she has £50 in her purse, I've no idea what she's doing with it !!! I suspect hiding it or giving it away.

She says she wants more there is no reason for my mum to have large amounts in her little flat, all bills are direct debits, all food shopping done by myself or sister.
She really needs no more than £50 at a time in her purse. Mum goes nowhere without either myself or sister. She has her hair done once a week, and pays her paper bills to a trusted other resident, other than that I can't understand for the life in me why she wants loads drawing out of bank????

I feel terrible too, after all its mums money, not mine, she and dad worked and saved all their lives to be comfortable in their old age. I hate dementia.

I wonder how many of us on here say that sentence???? Again I hate dementia !!!!!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi Margi

Yes, cream cake saved the day, as always . I was cross with her, but also knew her mood would be "why did you buy that", so cheated & got a pack of 2 on offer. Said I only got it as it was reduced she devoured the first one , I gave her the second the next day with a cappuccino, she was well happy

We get fined here if the recycle is mixed with anything. I do spend too much time resorting it . I've a bin by the back door, so I can do it fairly easily. I don't get how mum who has recycled for years is now putting everything in the wrong place, won't crush bottles or cans etc. But, hey ho, that's partly the disease. It's also partly to get at me, you can see that from her expression.

Our bin was so full, I had to take stuff out & cut up bottles & packaging to make more room. I had about 10 boxes flattened on top of the bin too. I went out as the bin men arrived & gave them a grin & they took it . A little flattery & flirting don't hurt

You can't leave all these books up there. Too much weight. Also, you can't read them from there. You know, you could get one bookcase, bring down one box & put the books in it, sort them by author (let me know any you don't want!!!), then charity shop the ones that you don't want. One box a week out the loft. You'll be done in about 32 months!!!! Besides, you need some holiday reading, so you'd have choice without going shopping

I'm really hoping at least one person in Ireland is as friendly to me as you were, but every time I've been, it's felt like going home, so even if I just sit around with a book, I know it'll be good. My cousin says he's put it on his calendar & will (try to) be there. He's blooming hopeless though, so I'll be reminding him nearer the time. He's mums youngest brothers son, we lost touch, but I found him while doing the family tree . He & I seem to have a bond

I'm really looking forward to going to Ireland & having a break

 

[Sam Luvit]

I hate dementia.

I wonder how many of us on here say that sentence???? Again I hate dementia !!!!!

Hi Margi

Post when you like Hun, we all have busy lives, I just have more time ATM as mum is sleeping a lot, she's also been driving me nuts so I've been hiding from her & living in here no car also means I'm not even doing my volunteering , so I've nothing to do but shop, garden & go on line.

Sorry your mums got another infection, but if clearing it makes her nocturnal walks stop, then I'm glad it's that. You know she won't remember you telling her to not go out, a bit like me telling mum to stop cutting the flowers, waste if breath & just makes us all cross. No arguing with dementia, although we all do

I'm so glad your sister had a nice high tea with your mum, hostess mode in full swing, but at least they enjoyed it. There does seem to be a down side to hostess mode, they get so agitated later .

Money seems to be a common theme. Mum asks if she has any money left. Last week I told her she'd need to live another 12 years, take a holiday every year, to spend the cash. Then there are investments & then the house, so she ain't broke. Her response ... I dint want to live another 2 years, never mind 12 told her urns not her choice, but she's ok for dosh . She's another one who wants cash in her purse & it disappears. First it was £100, then £200, now it's £300, so I say I forgot & just get £100. Still goes in the same time though.

I have found cash around, in glasses case, in pots, in make up bag. Maybe your mum us also hiding the cash away, so she knows she has some. She seems to like the physical cash, not believing or trusting the statement to mean what it says.

On the whole, if mum wants cash, I get it for her, like you say, she worked all her life & it's her money. It's the overly generous, followed by the chronically mean that I find hard. She gave two grandchildren £1,000 for driving lessons, saying they needed to drive, then gave £20 to another saying it was more than enough & nothing to the fourth she was always fair before, making sure they all had the same. One day I'll be making it right, or maybe not

Before anyone jumps in with deprivation, she's always been generous, so the gift was in her usual manner & she had control at the time, no POA so it was her decision & I found out after the fact.

It's funny, but I "fudge" the truth with her trying to be generous to me, I ordered parts for the bathroom & paid the plumber, so her "here's something for you" in reality, just repaid me, but she felt good about it

 

[rosy18]

So pleased your Mum enjoyed her high tea with your sister Margi but so true what Sam says . It seems to take a lot out of them when they have been in good hostess mode which then leads to being anxious and agitated Sorry to read she's got a uti but hopefully that explains the late night wandering.
When we are leaving the building after singing for the brain where Mum has been all smiles sung her heart out and thourouly enjoyed herself she starts saying to me "Get in the car quickly and don't talk to anyone" It's a nightmare. Then as we are nearing home only 6/7mins drive Mum says "we can't go in that house they won't like it" so I have to reassure Mum it's OK to go into our house and until she has had her lunchtime trazadone she is extremely agitated. People just wouldn't believe the difference from singing away to going home
My Mum used to hide money she wrapped it in tissues then hid it all over the place. I've had to search our bins on several occasions and found money. Thankfully now she just says have we got money and me saying yes seems to pacify her.
Yes Margi I too hate dementia!

Sam......What's not to like......Everyone in Ireland will love you

 

[Sam Luvit]

..
Yes Margi I too hate dementia!

Sam......What's not to like......Everyone in Ireland will love you

Hi Rosy

You've met my mum, I suspect that if we're not yourself on this rotten journey, you would be thinking I was away with the fairies when I rant about her being mean & spitful. The flip on a sixpence from lovely old lady singing her heart out to fearful is something I can understand.

It is our "normal" but it's still hard to take it, as its not "normal", IYKWIM

Can I just say .... I blooming loath dementia

Lol. Believe it or not (& a few will!!!), some people don't like me

 

[Margi29]

I think your both probably right, Sam and Rosy, the effort to appear 'normal ' seems to sap all mums logic then later, wow !!! Confabulations, accusations galore
I will be keeping a close eye on the situation occurring again and let you know.

This morning I've rang mum, and said ' go to the coffee morning '
Normally my sister would be there every Wednesday morning and go with mum, but due to school holidays and other commitments she can not go.
Mum said she doesn't want to go without one of us, I suspect her confidence is on a low today.

Again she has said ' I don't want us falling out, I'm so glad you rang me and we are friends '

Have not a clue what she's actually on about ???

Saw her Monday at the quiz, every thing was good !! Kissed her and told her I love her !!! My sister was with me too !!

It's so frustrating, it's like been on a hamster wheel, and I really want to throw myself off.
Yes loathe and hate this dementia Sam, you make me laugh Sam, how can anyone not like you on first meeting you x

How's your mum Rosy??

Slugsta hope sky is settled.

Going to mums this afternoon, probably more random

 

[Sam Luvit]

.
Mum said she doesn't want to go without one of us, I suspect her confidence is on a low today.

It's so frustrating, it's like been on a hamster wheel, and I really want to throw myself off.
Yes loathe and hate this dementia Sam, you make me laugh Sam, how can anyone not like you on first meeting you x

Hi Margi

I'm sorry your mum doesn't want to go to the coffee morning on her own, hopefully your visit later will cheer her up , if you are very lucky, she might forget whatever is troubling her & focus on your love instead you never know

Mind you, it's the never blooming knowing that gets me

Yup, hamster wheel is pretty accurate, running around in circles getting no where . I'll jump with you ... on the count of three ... one, two ... hang on, mums back!!! Sounds like my life

I know, imagine someone not liking me!!! I've been called stuck up, opinionated & blunt (I prefer honest!!). Other times I've had "that look" then been ignored ??? Hey ho, can't be everything to everyone. If this disease has taught me anything, it's that life is too short for petty squabbles, so I try to smile, be polite & then walk away.

One more go at trying to find out about the car S is not in, but he will call me when he gets back seriously not happy. It's chucking it down & I need to shop for mum, the sort of not delivered shopping, so am waiting for a gap in the weather to walk again .

 

[doodle1]

Now channel your lemon face Sam

 

[Sam Luvit]

Now channel your lemon face Sam

Surprise surprise, no call back

So, I decided to go for that walk to the shops. Stopped in to see a friend & check her dig was getting better .... over 2 hours later, I carried on to the shops

I wouldn't have spent a pleasant few hours chatting if I hadn't walked, so I'm taking it as a good thing

However. Tomorrow I want my blooming car

 

[doodle1]

Please let me speak to them!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Please let me speak to them!

I wish you could

 

[rosy18]

Got everything crossed that you get some satisfaction with your car Sam. Now they are being very rude not getting back to you. They must realise how importa6it is for anybody to be without their car for any length of time. Time to get mad
The only plus you will be getting well toned all this walking

Margi what a shame your Mum wouldn't go on her own bless her to the coffee morning
At least she thinks you are friends now How's she doing re her Uti?

Slugsta hope you're ok ((hugs))

Well I would like to announce that this afternoon Mum finally after 16days finally had a bowel movement I honestly think Mum has forgotten how to go and unless she gets a strong urge she now just doesn't try.I was so relieved it happened over several visits to the toilet.
I really never thought I would get so excited about a bowel movement!!