Bare room

[Celandine]

Although I am newly registered I have been reading posts for some time.
I need your help as I am upset and at a loss.
My mother has lived with me for over 6 years. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimers for over 4 years. She takes Galantamine (for dementia) and Prozac (anti depressant) along with other drugs for heart failure.
Mum has recently ( 4 weeks ago) gone to live in a care home. There have been 3 serious falls over the past 5 months and a steep downward curve in her dementia which necessitated this. She is still very articulate, forceful and very very angry that she is living where she is. Mum wants to live with her Mum, Dad, brothers and sisters (all long dead).

My worry is that she has cleared her lovely room of ornaments, photos, knicknacks, brushes, combs, clock......everything personal and shoved them all into drawers because she states that other residents come into her room and steal them.
I have read that wandering and 'borrowing' things like this is quite common.
It is distressing to her as she enjoys sitting not in her room but the one lounges which is a good thing - but her room looks like a cell.
What shall I do?

 

[nitram]

"...she enjoys sitting not in her room but the one lounges which is a good thing - but her room looks like a cell.
What shall I do?"

Nothing.
It's her enjoyment that matters, not your interpretation.

 

[Clueless2]

As nitram says, nothing.

My mum did the same, however over time she has been content for ornaments (hers or others that she has "borrowed" from other residents) to reappear on display, but sadly (to us) not the photos of her family.

A carer suggested that keeping the framed photos hidden away was akin to her keeping them /us safe, so we are still important to her; out of sight doesn't therefore mean out of mind.

We have compensated by hanging large pictures (not photos) on her walls, paintings from home, familiar and loved.

 

[nitram]

"... but sadly (to us) not the photos of her family. "

Have you tried images of her family, with or without her, taken decades ago?

Nothing fancy, just prints on A4, don't force them on her, just stick them on the wall.

 

[Tin]

It is sad for us, my mum lives with me and her bedroom is just not the way it was when she first moved in. She still has a few odds and ends in there, but all the things that meant something to her and me have all found new homes in drawers and a bag in the wardrobe, I have tried bringing a few things out, but with no success. At the moment my biggest problem in there is that she does not like her bed.

 

[Witzend]

I dare say she's right, that things do go missing. My mother's care home was a bit like Kleptomania Central at times. Is everything of value (sentimental,or otherwise) clearly labelled, inc. the actual photos, not just the frames? Because I've found at least one of my mother's framed photos not only 'borrowed', but dismantled.

I don't know about anybody else, but we found that after a very short time the bits and pieces we'd taken to make her room look like home, meant nothing to her any more. In particular there were portraits of grandparents she'd adored - when I asked her who they were, she didn't even know, still less care. And this was when her dementia was still only middle stage.

To be honest, I don't know what you can do, except go along with it. If hiding everything away is what she wants to do, it's likely to be impossible - and just cause unnecessary stress - to persuade her otherwise.

 

[Clueless2]

"... but sadly (to us) not the photos of her family. "

Have you tried images of her family, with or without her, taken decades ago?

Nothing fancy, just prints on A4, don't force them on her, just stick them on the wall.

I haven't, but I have taken copies of photos throughout her life and made an album which we look at together every now and then.

It is almost as though looking at the photos has the same effect upon her as my being there; a sudden jolting reminder of a previous life, sparking anxiety, where am I?, when can I go home? etc. However when the photos (and me) are out of sight, the staff assure me that she returns to her now familiar care home world and is for the most part seemingly content.

I am just so very grateful that despite her inability to say a coherent sentence, she still always recognises me by name and as being someone she loves.

 

[arielsmelody]

If the room is looking bare, I wonder if you could add some larger pieces - a clock on the wall, or a nice cushion - things that aren't personal but make the room a bit more cheerful.

 

[befrazzled]

Although I am newly registered I have been reading posts for some time.
I need your help as I am upset and at a loss.
My mother has lived with me for over 6 years. She has been diagnosed with Alzheimers for over 4 years. She takes Galantamine (for dementia) and Prozac (anti depressant) along with other drugs for heart failure.
Mum has recently ( 4 weeks ago) gone to live in a care home. There have been 3 serious falls over the past 5 months and a steep downward curve in her dementia which necessitated this. She is still very articulate, forceful and very very angry that she is living where she is. Mum wants to live with her Mum, Dad, brothers and sisters (all long dead).

My worry is that she has cleared her lovely room of ornaments, photos, knicknacks, brushes, combs, clock......everything personal and shoved them all into drawers because she states that other residents come into her room and steal them.
I have read that wandering and 'borrowing' things like this is quite common.
It is distressing to her as she enjoys sitting not in her room but the one lounges which is a good thing - but her room looks like a cell.
What shall I do?

We had a similar problem when mum moved to her care home 2 years ago. The care home provided mum with a key so that she could lock her room when she left it.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

My husband was never interested in the familiar things we put in his room, because he believed he was in a hotel. Now he's in a different Care Home, and his familiar pictures etc mean nothing at all to him.
Sometimes he indicates he'd rather be some where else, but the concept of home has gone. His Care Home is now his home...and the carers are his friends.

He still knows I'm special, but doesn't know I'm visiting because I try to let him think I live there too, so when I leave I'm just nipping out or a bit, to post a letter or something like that. Some of the less observant carers make a big fuss when I come and go, and I discourage it, as he is more peaceful without that.