Morning Hamster wheel and Izzy. Yes I have seen these cards, but honestly find them impersonal and as embarrassing as it is, I prefer to apologise face to face, at least some people respond positively and understand immediately and these usually stop and have a chat with me.
Oh brother
- Thread starter Tin
- Start date
Really hot day that does not mix well with dementia. I have tried hard to keep mum inside, but her need to wander just takes over. So at 9pm I gave mum a full sleeping pill, did not give her any supper, because she has been nibbling and picking all day. Hopefully she will sleep well tonight and in turn so will I.
Fidgeting, fiddling and wandering all day today and she has not stopped, put her to bed at 8.45 and immediately up wandering in and out of dining room taking cushions and blanket with her. Oh and she has locked me out 3 times today, been fiddling with security chain for a few weeks now and suddenly today she worked it all out. So tomorrow as soon as I can find the right screw driver, am removing the chain. Fortunately bathroom window open so able to climb in. God 63 year old woman climbing through her bathroom window, not a pretty sight or an easy thing to do.
Oh Tin you poor thing, today's heat wasn't the weather to have to be climbing about. You're right to take the chain away, do you have a bolt on the door? Does that need to go as well? X
Oh god yes, there is a bolt at bottom of the door, only a small one and mum will probably find this in time. I have a side door, think it is now time to put a spare key to this somewhere outside, but will probably remove bolt from front door anyway. This year and before Winter, I have to source a new front door pushing and pulling on the handle has loosened it plus the door surround is actually coming away from the wall in certain places, all down to mum.
Really hot today, we popped in to see a neighbour and then I let mum potter around the garden, but the moment she started to and from the garden gate I decided to keep her inside as much as possible, but every time I left the house to get something from the car, the garage or the shed she locked me out!!
This night time stuff just baffles me. Mum announces she is tired so I oblige and put her to bed, only a few minutes pass and she is up and out of the bedroom, tonight carrying a load of framed photos saying she had a good nights sleep!!!!
The heat of the last couple of days has not slowed her down, in and out of the house like a boomerang, loves to complain about the heat, but still goes out there. So again around midday I brought her into the house and locked the door and she got busy in the house with the oddest of things. Finally she has gone back to bed.
Today we got hospital appointment for mum to have a 'shelf pessery' fitted. Ring has not worked and her prolapse is causing all kinds of problems, in particular some days unable to pass urine and then once in bed laying flat it all starts. She is also in some pain with all this. Thankfully this appointment is in the morning, I think finally my pointing out over and over that mum is better in the mornings has got through.
Last week was talking to a friend about prolapse and she told me that her mother had suffered for 40 years, after giving birth to her last child and she never got any medical help for it - cannot imagine dealing with something like that for so long, but apparently she was too embarrassed to talk to a doctor about it, suppose that's the 1940/50's for you.
The heat of the last couple of days has not slowed her down, in and out of the house like a boomerang, loves to complain about the heat, but still goes out there. So again around midday I brought her into the house and locked the door and she got busy in the house with the oddest of things. Finally she has gone back to bed.
Today we got hospital appointment for mum to have a 'shelf pessery' fitted. Ring has not worked and her prolapse is causing all kinds of problems, in particular some days unable to pass urine and then once in bed laying flat it all starts. She is also in some pain with all this. Thankfully this appointment is in the morning, I think finally my pointing out over and over that mum is better in the mornings has got through.
Last week was talking to a friend about prolapse and she told me that her mother had suffered for 40 years, after giving birth to her last child and she never got any medical help for it - cannot imagine dealing with something like that for so long, but apparently she was too embarrassed to talk to a doctor about it, suppose that's the 1940/50's for you.
Spoke to mum's doctors today, we are back to many sleepless nights or just not going to bed till gone midnight. Both have urged me to try the Sulpiride again. Gave her 1ml around 9.30 and she is still getting in and out of bed. They have also suggested I try the increase of anti depressants again to 30mg. will do that tomorrow night.
She was up at 6.30 and we were out of house at 9am this morning, back for lunch and from 1.30 to 7.30 up and wandering to and from locked garden gate, only stopped for 5 minutes to have supper. So that means mum has been up and on her feet for 10 hours, not counting the early hours of the morning while I was sleeping. Have given her pain killers, warm drink, warm bath early tonight. No sundowning just continuous wandering with a purpose - to get out of the gate.
Think activity in her room has stopped now at least I cannot hear anything, but not going to check yet, just in case. Poor old thing, to live your last few years in this kind of turmoil, all she can think about is getting out to the car in the driveway and when she cannot get into it she heads for the second garden gate that leads out to the street, not interested in anything around her, just wants to get out and all this is normal daily stuff for her.
She was up at 6.30 and we were out of house at 9am this morning, back for lunch and from 1.30 to 7.30 up and wandering to and from locked garden gate, only stopped for 5 minutes to have supper. So that means mum has been up and on her feet for 10 hours, not counting the early hours of the morning while I was sleeping. Have given her pain killers, warm drink, warm bath early tonight. No sundowning just continuous wandering with a purpose - to get out of the gate.
Think activity in her room has stopped now at least I cannot hear anything, but not going to check yet, just in case. Poor old thing, to live your last few years in this kind of turmoil, all she can think about is getting out to the car in the driveway and when she cannot get into it she heads for the second garden gate that leads out to the street, not interested in anything around her, just wants to get out and all this is normal daily stuff for her.
Had a little giggle myself when she walked out of her bedroom with all that clothing on! Half pill worked for mum, but for me, last night was the hottest and I just could not sleep and when I did manage to get some shut eye I had very weird dreams. Nice breeze today keeping the temp down.
So today feeling very tired, did our 3 hours out this morning and I have had an afternoon nap, awake for another fashion show starring my mum.
Just looked back on my recent posts - all about sleep or lack of it - not much fun to read I guess, but at moment it is the biggest problem which I am really hoping will change soon. Then I look back even further and I seem to have had this problem since mum moved in with me and that's 3 years [I think! too tired to do the maths]
Most medications have been tried and tested, with little or no success except for Zoplicone, but I am aware that this one cannot be over used. Tried Sulpiride last night and did absolutely nothing except bring on anxiety and furniture moving and lots of toilet visits. Finally she fell asleep around 3.30 a.m 5 hours after medication was taken. Had to wake her at 8.30 this morning. Going to increase mirtazapine tonight to 30mg as suggested by gp, will try this for a week and not give any other night time medication.
Dog and I absolutely shattered, mum just carrying on with her walking. I am going to take a nap this afternoon, dog and cats already fast asleep on the sofa!
Most medications have been tried and tested, with little or no success except for Zoplicone, but I am aware that this one cannot be over used. Tried Sulpiride last night and did absolutely nothing except bring on anxiety and furniture moving and lots of toilet visits. Finally she fell asleep around 3.30 a.m 5 hours after medication was taken. Had to wake her at 8.30 this morning. Going to increase mirtazapine tonight to 30mg as suggested by gp, will try this for a week and not give any other night time medication.
Dog and I absolutely shattered, mum just carrying on with her walking. I am going to take a nap this afternoon, dog and cats already fast asleep on the sofa!
How old is your Mum Tin? If she's only early 80's this may be life for the pair of you for quite a number of years yet and it's probably not great for your health either, I do sincerely hope some alternative can be found that suits her and you that enables both of you to rest properly.
In a care home there are always fresh staff on duty to take over if someone is up all night so the wandering and restlessness isn't such an issue but when you are a sole carer I think you try so hard to maintain that day awake/night rest set up because it's so hard to function without proper sleep.
In the here and now could you give the medication earlier? If you are giving it at 10:30pm isn't that too late (unless it was actual 'knock-out drops') - I would say any medication takes an hour to get into the system so giving it at say 8:30pm then also doing the warm drink, quiet time, etc run up to bed might enhance what is then already happening in Mum's body rather than giving the drug at actual bed time. Just a thought.
In a care home there are always fresh staff on duty to take over if someone is up all night so the wandering and restlessness isn't such an issue but when you are a sole carer I think you try so hard to maintain that day awake/night rest set up because it's so hard to function without proper sleep.
In the here and now could you give the medication earlier? If you are giving it at 10:30pm isn't that too late (unless it was actual 'knock-out drops') - I would say any medication takes an hour to get into the system so giving it at say 8:30pm then also doing the warm drink, quiet time, etc run up to bed might enhance what is then already happening in Mum's body rather than giving the drug at actual bed time. Just a thought.
Tin, why can u not use the zopiclone? My dad takes on every night and has done for over a year and he is 89. I can also get a script for myself if I need...they work the best as far as I'm concerned. Not difficult to get here in Canada anyway.
Gave her the medication at 10pm last night and under normal circumstances I would have been happy for mum to go to bed at midnight, but she did not and would not, just spent hours messing with furniture and clothes in her room and getting very stressed in the process. Was advised to give Sulpiride half hour before bed time as the desired side effect of sleepiness and easing any anxiety can start fairly immediately and it has been prescribed only and when needed, do not want to give this to her if not needed and anyway it could be causing her more anxiety than is normal.
Mum can be so calm at 8pm, sitting quietly while I am reading something. then she announces she is tired and these days this is around 9.30, still calm I help her into bed, but then suddenly within minutes it all changes and she is up. Its this quick change that baffles me and if I cannot get her to go to sleep in that first hour then she will stay awake for hours and she does have full days, I keep her very busy with various outings etc, at the weekends we slow down and usually Sundays are at home days.
Not considering care homes at the moment. I have got used to my life as it is because I think I have convinced myself that the night time activities will ease off and between all this we do get some weeks when she goes to bed falls asleep and does not wake till 6ish the next morning, I think I am due for some good weeks.
Ah Tin, this is difficult for you. There is something about sons! Try your best not to let if bother you. Not easy. Is it possible for your brother to phone her every day at specific time? Could he get a cheap mobile and leave a msge on it for your Mum. Of course this might only work for a while as she may forgot he has phoned. My late brother was King in Mum's world. Always.
Aisling xx
Hi, gp will not give me a repeat prescription for Zopiclone. Each time I contact them they check on last date given and then prescribe only 14 x 3.75, and this always comes with a remainder to use sparingly. Most times she only needs half and this is given when I can see that she is becoming a little anxious, if left unchecked the anxiety just builds and no medication will help. Given at the right time it works so well and usually there are no after effects the next day.
I hate to see my mum so distressed at night, especially when she starts to move the furniture around and wanders all round the house, this is when she cannot put herself back to bed and I usually have to help her a number of times through the night, but never stays there for long, I once found her fast asleep sitting on the window sill! Other sleepless nights I just hear her opening cupboard drawers, wardrobe or heading to sitting room to check on her dog-this kind of night I cope with and actually sleep through because she can put herself back into bed at some point. This last week has been really bad, but hope that soon we will have a period of peaceful nights. Always hopeful.
Tin, I sympathise as I had months of mum not sleeping, but eventually (thank God!) she calmed and now sleeps/stays in bed usually until I go into her room. I suspect eventually your mum's behaviour will change, I certainly do hope so.
Reason for butting in here is to ask if you've tried any anti anxiety meds for your mum? I found Lorazepam made mum relaxed/sleepy and kind of knocked her out and did help sleep when things were bad. Unfortunately they now seem to increase the confusion so I use them extremely sparingly (usually when I have to leave her with the carer for a longer period).
Also, have you tried things like Chamomile tea? I doubt it's strong enough to significantly reduce anxiety in PWDs, but I do often give mum a small mug of Chamomile tea just before bed. Fortunately she likes it and even if it adds a tiny element of 'calm', then it's worth it (not sure if it does, but at least there are no side effects!).
I know all about the sleepless nights, I thought they would drive me crazy. Well, I guess in a way they did, but fortunately, by luck, progression, meds, or whatever, mum changed. I do hope things improve for you and your mum soon.
Reason for butting in here is to ask if you've tried any anti anxiety meds for your mum? I found Lorazepam made mum relaxed/sleepy and kind of knocked her out and did help sleep when things were bad. Unfortunately they now seem to increase the confusion so I use them extremely sparingly (usually when I have to leave her with the carer for a longer period).
Also, have you tried things like Chamomile tea? I doubt it's strong enough to significantly reduce anxiety in PWDs, but I do often give mum a small mug of Chamomile tea just before bed. Fortunately she likes it and even if it adds a tiny element of 'calm', then it's worth it (not sure if it does, but at least there are no side effects!).
I know all about the sleepless nights, I thought they would drive me crazy. Well, I guess in a way they did, but fortunately, by luck, progression, meds, or whatever, mum changed. I do hope things improve for you and your mum soon.
Oh gosh absolutely not Tin, I didn't mean to imply that at all. I know AnnMac mentioned respite a few posts ago but I don't think that's even on your agenda really is it.
I meant it's a different situation when there are many people on hand to when there is one. Care home staff go on and off duty and can sleep, eat and do other stuff, a sole carer has to manage all the care whilst also managing so often on very little sleep and no 'off' time at all so the importance of finding something to help Mum and therefore help you too is huge which I hope the GP appreciates, I'm sure they do and I hope the GP comes up trumps asap. Sorry if it came across in any way other than that.
Thank you Marnie, butt in all you want, you have given me hope that mum will eventually have peaceful nights, we had a two week period about a month ago when mum slept and it was bliss, hopefully that time will return.
You should see my mum's face when I have made her Chamomile tea!!! classic 'do not like it' look. we have used lorazepam and diazepam in the past and they did work well, but after a while just like you are experiencing, they made mum more confused, in fact this is what the Sulpiride does and only used it on 4 occasions including last night. I did report back to memory clinic about this and now it is on record that she does not respond well to it. Sundowning during the day is easier to deal with, it never last long and I can cope and let it run its course, but at the moment she is obsessing a bit about the dog touching her all the time, talking to her like a baby and standing on guard next to basket, so keeping an eye on this. it could be that she is just hungry, supper warming up at moment and this will probably distract her from dog.
When describing last nights activities forgot to mention that she also wanted to get out of the house !
Another one who is butting in and you may have tried this too; please ignore me if you have. My mum was a night-time wanderer/sundowner and her care home used to give her 2 paracetamol before bed. I was surprised when they told me that this is what they did, but, apparently, it helps PWDs to settle.
