My apologies now for this very long post, but I really need to get this off my chest as it's been really stressing me out and I just can't get any help.
It's been a couple of weeks or so since I last visited the forum, dad has been a bit of a handful and is constantly now calling me and expecting me to visit him each day (dad is 80, he is currently un-diagnosed, we are still waiting over a month since the initial memory clinic assessment (scored less than 10) to see the consultant and he lives alone).
Every week now, on Monday's, Wednesday, Fridays I spend the day with him and take him out for lunch and he comes to my home on Saturdays and spends the day with us. The days I visit him, I do some housework and collect his washing and make sure he showers etc). But he no longer has any concept of time, I always call him the night before and tell him I will see him in the morning. But last week I kept getting phone calls from him at 2am asking if I'm on my way, or at 6.30am asking the same thing, I'm currently shattered due to lots of broken sleep. He's also been calling me on the days I can't visit him and he asks if I'm coming or on my way and he makes me feel very guilty when I say I can't, but I really need a break and to catch up on my own chores etc.
But as I said, this past week has been very bad though. I discovered on Monday that the savings (approx £8K) he had hidden in very good hiding places in his house have all gone. I know the money was there the Monday before as I saw it, but on the following Thursday I got a phone call from him at 6am saying that men were in his house, going through all his things and they've told him the house isn't his anymore and he has to get out and he can't take anything with him, he said I've got my money and I'm about the leave, but I don't know where to go. I asked if I could speak to these people but he made excuses about them being busy etc but really there was no-one there. I still got up and went down there straight away to try and put his mind at rest, all his doors were still locked when I arrived. I think he had watched a programme like 'the bailiffs are coming' and he had had a dream about it and woke and thought it was all real. When I asked about the money he said he had put it all back (unfortunately I did not check). Then on Thursday night I spoke to dad around 9pm and he seemed stressed about something he had received in the post and started saying again they were taking it all off him and that he had no money to pay it. This time I figured and had it confirmed that he had just received his council tax bill, I told him not to worry and I would be down first thing Friday morning to sort it out for him, last year the council tax bill was a problem as he threw it away so I knew I needed to get it off him asap.
8am the next morning when I arrived there was no obvious sign of the bill, but he was still referring to not having any money to pay for it, I eventually found the bill hidden away in a drawer upstairs. So I took the bill, told him I would sort it and usually he's happy to accept this and then forgets all about it. However this time he just wouldn't let it go, I couldn't distract him and when I thought I had, he went back to talking about it again and saying he had to get money to pay it. By the time I left, I thought things were OK.
Well they weren't. Saturday morning 8am dad calls and starts telling me a very confusing tale and laughing about it all, I really thought this must be a dream so didn't really take that much notice and it made no sense anyway. However around 10am my husbands mobile rang and it was my dads neighbour and basically he told him, my dad had gone out at some point on Friday night and when he came back he couldn't get back into his house (this was around 1am) he had taken out the wrong keys, so he had knocked on another neighbours door because her lights were on, she couldn't help but got his other neighbour involved who called the Police and they broke into his house for him.
From what we can understand my dad couldn't sleep for stressing about this bill, so he had got all of his money and decided to go to this place (we don't know where) to pay it or to get a job?? But then my dad tells us a man has been in his house twice and has taken all his money, but cant tell us who this is or why he let him in, one minute he says he let him in, next he says he came in whilst he was asleep and lots of other reasons he comes up with. We have no idea what to believe and we really can't call the Police as we have no evidence apart from missing money and no clear idea of what has happened. The money could very well still be in his house, but hidden somewhere we just can't find. This has happened before with keys, wallets etc, then they just turn up a week or two later.
This has all happened in the space of a week and it was only 2 weeks ago he had an occupational health assessment to see if he was OK to live at home and he passed that no problem. This week now the money has gone, things seem to have settled down again and he is more like his normal (memory impaired etc) self again, although he has started this week asking can we go and get some more money (he has become over the last year or two money obsessed and likes to feel and count it, like its a comfort blanket for him). But this is a very much resounding NO from me.
I'm not really expecting any replies, as I said at the beginning, I just needed to off-load, hopefully to people who can understand the frustration and what I am going through with my dad. Some days/weeks I think I could quite easily shoot him!!
Take care.
Elle
It's been a couple of weeks or so since I last visited the forum, dad has been a bit of a handful and is constantly now calling me and expecting me to visit him each day (dad is 80, he is currently un-diagnosed, we are still waiting over a month since the initial memory clinic assessment (scored less than 10) to see the consultant and he lives alone).
Every week now, on Monday's, Wednesday, Fridays I spend the day with him and take him out for lunch and he comes to my home on Saturdays and spends the day with us. The days I visit him, I do some housework and collect his washing and make sure he showers etc). But he no longer has any concept of time, I always call him the night before and tell him I will see him in the morning. But last week I kept getting phone calls from him at 2am asking if I'm on my way, or at 6.30am asking the same thing, I'm currently shattered due to lots of broken sleep. He's also been calling me on the days I can't visit him and he asks if I'm coming or on my way and he makes me feel very guilty when I say I can't, but I really need a break and to catch up on my own chores etc.
But as I said, this past week has been very bad though. I discovered on Monday that the savings (approx £8K) he had hidden in very good hiding places in his house have all gone. I know the money was there the Monday before as I saw it, but on the following Thursday I got a phone call from him at 6am saying that men were in his house, going through all his things and they've told him the house isn't his anymore and he has to get out and he can't take anything with him, he said I've got my money and I'm about the leave, but I don't know where to go. I asked if I could speak to these people but he made excuses about them being busy etc but really there was no-one there. I still got up and went down there straight away to try and put his mind at rest, all his doors were still locked when I arrived. I think he had watched a programme like 'the bailiffs are coming' and he had had a dream about it and woke and thought it was all real. When I asked about the money he said he had put it all back (unfortunately I did not check). Then on Thursday night I spoke to dad around 9pm and he seemed stressed about something he had received in the post and started saying again they were taking it all off him and that he had no money to pay it. This time I figured and had it confirmed that he had just received his council tax bill, I told him not to worry and I would be down first thing Friday morning to sort it out for him, last year the council tax bill was a problem as he threw it away so I knew I needed to get it off him asap.
8am the next morning when I arrived there was no obvious sign of the bill, but he was still referring to not having any money to pay for it, I eventually found the bill hidden away in a drawer upstairs. So I took the bill, told him I would sort it and usually he's happy to accept this and then forgets all about it. However this time he just wouldn't let it go, I couldn't distract him and when I thought I had, he went back to talking about it again and saying he had to get money to pay it. By the time I left, I thought things were OK.
Well they weren't. Saturday morning 8am dad calls and starts telling me a very confusing tale and laughing about it all, I really thought this must be a dream so didn't really take that much notice and it made no sense anyway. However around 10am my husbands mobile rang and it was my dads neighbour and basically he told him, my dad had gone out at some point on Friday night and when he came back he couldn't get back into his house (this was around 1am) he had taken out the wrong keys, so he had knocked on another neighbours door because her lights were on, she couldn't help but got his other neighbour involved who called the Police and they broke into his house for him.
From what we can understand my dad couldn't sleep for stressing about this bill, so he had got all of his money and decided to go to this place (we don't know where) to pay it or to get a job?? But then my dad tells us a man has been in his house twice and has taken all his money, but cant tell us who this is or why he let him in, one minute he says he let him in, next he says he came in whilst he was asleep and lots of other reasons he comes up with. We have no idea what to believe and we really can't call the Police as we have no evidence apart from missing money and no clear idea of what has happened. The money could very well still be in his house, but hidden somewhere we just can't find. This has happened before with keys, wallets etc, then they just turn up a week or two later.
This has all happened in the space of a week and it was only 2 weeks ago he had an occupational health assessment to see if he was OK to live at home and he passed that no problem. This week now the money has gone, things seem to have settled down again and he is more like his normal (memory impaired etc) self again, although he has started this week asking can we go and get some more money (he has become over the last year or two money obsessed and likes to feel and count it, like its a comfort blanket for him). But this is a very much resounding NO from me.
I'm not really expecting any replies, as I said at the beginning, I just needed to off-load, hopefully to people who can understand the frustration and what I am going through with my dad. Some days/weeks I think I could quite easily shoot him!!
Take care.
Elle