my 93 year old father is blind with dementia with extremely reduced mobility. He has 6 carers but there are a few hours over the course of the day when he is alone - usually sleeps (though having been started on donepezil recently is now hyperactive oh dear - another story). He has become unable to clean himself after BM and this visit for the first time I have had to do it. I find this totally awful. I know in comparison to what other people on this forum have to do that this seems minor (and I really don't know how on earth you all cope) but I really cannot bear it. I have had no training - the last time I had to do anything like this was when my children were in nappies. I wheel him to the loo and transfer him, taking down his trousers and pants. I have been using disposable gloves and wet wipes but I really don't know how to do it properly and worry about the state I am leaving him in for the next person. I now also feel guilty for hating this so much. The fact that he accepts it shows how far gone he is. My proud, dictatorial, authoritative father has become a hyperactive incontinent toddler. If he could see himself he would be devastated. Any advice?
advice on cleaning after tiolet
- Thread starter BJS
- Start date
I cant give any advice, but totally relate to this, I was the same last year, I also knew my dad must be really gone, as he asked for my help to go to the toilet, wow it was tough, I did not deal with a no2, but as he declined I had to take him to the toilet and undress.dress him (wow thats hard!) other posters will give much better advice, but I wanted you to know your not on your own on this one! x
It sounds, from what you say, that what you are doing is perfectly OK BJS and I've certainly come across carers who have been unable to do this basic task adequately so don't feel that you need to worry about what anyone else may think. I hope you will find that as you get to do it more often the less difficult for you it will become.
Keep up the good work.
Keep up the good work.
They may feel ashamed....
I went through something similar with my grandmother, i understand it's something out of your comfort zone and if you really can't do it then don't, your father me feel like he is forcing you to do it and he himself may not feel comfortable. I asked my gp for advice and they recommended incontinence pads. Yes, that may make them feel ashamed like they can't control themselves but you have to understand that it's for their best. As you said he has carers maybe speak to them about it as well.
I went through something similar with my grandmother, i understand it's something out of your comfort zone and if you really can't do it then don't, your father me feel like he is forcing you to do it and he himself may not feel comfortable. I asked my gp for advice and they recommended incontinence pads. Yes, that may make them feel ashamed like they can't control themselves but you have to understand that it's for their best. As you said he has carers maybe speak to them about it as well.
Re the Donepezil my dads behaviour was awful when he was on 10 mg of it. We had to have his dosage reduced so we could cope with him. It doesn't suit everyone. Talk to the doctor. It may not be right for your dad.
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thanks - his dose was increased to 10 mg but he has been so hyper - hasn't stopped talking for days. So we have just reduced it to 5mg. Also his GP has just prescribed lorazepam to see if we can calm him down a bit. A fine line between keeping him calm enough to sleep but not so sedated that he permanently wets the bed at night. At the moment he's waking about 8 times a night to pee and exhausting the carers
I sometimes think it's easier when it's your OH and not your parent. I just get on with it. Trousers off, inco pad off, the first bits I do with toilet paper then I change to moistened soft wipes. When the poo is gone, I put some wash cream on a new soft wipe to finish the job with. New inco pad and trousers back on, done. The soft wipes should never go in the toilet, as they would clog it up!
no I have just instituted a nice little poo wipe bin next to the loo! Having just undergone sorting out unblocking the sewer a couple of weeks ago I don't want to have to sort that out again. Lord knows what he had been putting down there. The necessity for bum wiping started only a couple of weeks ago but I think he had been dropping hankies and all sorts down there for some time. NOT a nice job for the young man with the drain camera and rods
Agree, for OH it's easier I should think. I don't seem to mind much, though can think of things I'd rather do! He's no longer the person I knew, he's simply a grown up baby depending on me, or other carers, and I want him to be comfortable.
Beate, what do you mean by wash cream? Shower cream? I use Sav**n cream( in a blue tube). It soothes, but it's very expensive.
It's this one though I'm sure there are others:
https://www.tenadirect.co.uk/suppor...leanse-no-rinse/tena_wash_cream_tube_perfume/
Hi BJs
I can identify with your post. My Dad is nearly 91 and in the last month or two I have had to do this on occasions for him. Once he even asked me to do it. This week he has a UTI and I needed to assit again.
I do care work for others on part time basis and I am forever picking up after my dog who I think must eat too much LOL, but your own father is a different story isn't it?
It will get easier- try and remember how many times he wiped you when you were a baby (or then again perhaps not with these old fashioned Dads) but it is really just pay back time. Like you say if they are willing ot accept it , it is easier for us than them.
Use disposable gloves and learn how to take them off without touching the outside (wrap one inside the other)
I use Andrex wet wipes and then some medi honey cream.
You could always get a dark coloured flannel and keep it separate. Use a soapy gentleliquid wash like Nivea or Dove(unless the nurses have given you Dermal or something similar) and after the wipes use a wet flannel, then the cream.
I had a drain man rod the drains recently and he watched a bundle of sticky plasters sail down the drain- District Nurse had been dressing a wound on dad's bottom and they kept falling off- this is why we never found them and wondered where they were going!
I can identify with your post. My Dad is nearly 91 and in the last month or two I have had to do this on occasions for him. Once he even asked me to do it. This week he has a UTI and I needed to assit again.
I do care work for others on part time basis and I am forever picking up after my dog who I think must eat too much LOL, but your own father is a different story isn't it?
It will get easier- try and remember how many times he wiped you when you were a baby (or then again perhaps not with these old fashioned Dads) but it is really just pay back time. Like you say if they are willing ot accept it , it is easier for us than them.
Use disposable gloves and learn how to take them off without touching the outside (wrap one inside the other)
I use Andrex wet wipes and then some medi honey cream.
You could always get a dark coloured flannel and keep it separate. Use a soapy gentleliquid wash like Nivea or Dove(unless the nurses have given you Dermal or something similar) and after the wipes use a wet flannel, then the cream.
I had a drain man rod the drains recently and he watched a bundle of sticky plasters sail down the drain- District Nurse had been dressing a wound on dad's bottom and they kept falling off- this is why we never found them and wondered where they were going!
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Hi everyone not the nicest thing to do but a necessity, I care for my oh so a little easier also I'm a retired nurse. I use dispersable toilet wipes or bigger wet wipes if a major incident! I wouldnt use aqueous cream as it's a moisturiser you just need a barrier cream and use gloves of course. Cream can be obtained on prescription .
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I went through this with my grandfather. It's not easy especially dealing with cleaning up excrement. Keep persevering. If you do find it to much speak to local authority to see if you can up the carers if that's easier for you. Ultimately have to do what is right for you and your dad. But somewhere in there remember is a man who would be forever grateful with your attempts to meet his care needs. If his wearing incontinence pads. I always found the best way is put a plastic sheet on the floor. Wipes and disposable gloves and clean him best you can. I always put my grandad in the shower if it was particularly bad and gave him a wash. Not sure any of this helps hope it does x
Hello Everyone... I too, can empathise with this situation. Just last night Mum had to sleep on the sofa & I in the chair, as she had had an accident yesterday morning & the mattress for her bed is still damp.
I'm trying to set up the bio waste collection thing - found the right council dept easily enough, but getting hold of social services is becoming a real nightmare
- & till then I've got some of those perfumed bin liners to help disguise the odour.
I'm also hoping to find out if there's a course or something for Carers on how to lift without doing both you & your charge physical harm & that kind of thing. I know a comparison to childcare has been mentioned before but kids are usually smaller, become a little less dependent upon you every day, & are easier to distract from a tantrum with an ice cream
I'm trying to set up the bio waste collection thing - found the right council dept easily enough, but getting hold of social services is becoming a real nightmare
- & till then I've got some of those perfumed bin liners to help disguise the odour.I'm also hoping to find out if there's a course or something for Carers on how to lift without doing both you & your charge physical harm & that kind of thing. I know a comparison to childcare has been mentioned before but kids are usually smaller, become a little less dependent upon you every day, & are easier to distract from a tantrum with an ice cream
I'm also hoping to find out if there's a course or something for Carers on how to lift without doing both you & your charge physical harm & that kind of thing. I know a comparison to childcare has been mentioned before but kids are usually smaller, become a little less dependent upon you every day, & are easier to distract from a tantrum with an ice cream
Perfectly understandable that you would like to find such a course but I believe that you'll find that lifting another person is, officially, something that no carer should do and so there's no training that would help you to do it. I'm sure that many carers have ignored this - I know I have - but I do not think you will find any trainers that would endorse it.
And it is, sadly, true that it's not difficult to injure yourself in this way.
However, there are aids such as this which can help if the person falls 'in the right way':
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idQJ7i6KamA
Thank you all
Thanks for all the supportive and helpful responses. In many ways I am lucky that my dad has 6 carers and I only visit him every few weeks as he lives so far away. But it means that I don't have much time to get used to each change. And he is much changed now every time I visit. The carers are not there all day so I have been cleaning him while they aren't here. Having done it for three days it has got easier. But I think it highly unlikely he ever changed my nappy!! Too 'traditional'!!
Thanks for all the supportive and helpful responses. In many ways I am lucky that my dad has 6 carers and I only visit him every few weeks as he lives so far away. But it means that I don't have much time to get used to each change. And he is much changed now every time I visit. The carers are not there all day so I have been cleaning him while they aren't here. Having done it for three days it has got easier. But I think it highly unlikely he ever changed my nappy!! Too 'traditional'!!
Helping my dad with the toilet is something that (thankfully) I've not had to do, because he moved to a care home before it became necessary. It would be totally out of my comfort zone I can only sympathise because I know how I'd feel.
I've had to deal with dirty underwear though, and dressing/undressing, and a few times dad thought I was the GP and started stripping everything off when I walked in the room! Not sure why he thinks he has to do that for the GP anyway! It's been quite a journey for both of us, because although we have a good relationship, we're both quite shy and reserved. Dad's 'filter' just isn't there anymore though.
Hang in there, you are doing brilliantly!
I've had to deal with dirty underwear though, and dressing/undressing, and a few times dad thought I was the GP and started stripping everything off when I walked in the room! Not sure why he thinks he has to do that for the GP anyway! It's been quite a journey for both of us, because although we have a good relationship, we're both quite shy and reserved. Dad's 'filter' just isn't there anymore though.
Hang in there, you are doing brilliantly!
