Hi,
I feel a bit of a heel coming on the Forum when I have not posted for ages - only excuse is that wife Sue has gone down hill of late - and had some very chaotic weeks and nights which left me exhausted... plus my ipad and laptop packed up! Anyway..
My kids (2 live abroad and the other 30 miles away) and our carer felt I was getting in such a state a week of respite was indicated. Social Services came round - the lovely lady agreed and gave me the Hants Rate for a week to arrange a week for Sue.
Due diligence - I trawled the net, read the CQC reports - rang countless Homes most of which seemed to have given up on respite because of tight profit margins. Then I found one - 30 minutes from home. Ticked the CQC boxes - a few good references - visited, and although a bit tatty the Manager seemed a good sort and answered my prepared questions OK. So I went for it and took Sue in for lunch a couple of days before taking her on a Saturday for a week. I handed over the excellent Altz Socs "This is Me" leaflet plus a load of info re Morning and Nigh Routines: Washing Routines : Food preferences etc.
I had a reasonable but tearful week at an old friends, though most of my brain was back home...
Sue has moderate to severe AD, little speech and communication though responds to stimulation. She also seems happy to look nice - which she always has. She was formally diagnosed 2010 but signs present since 2006 - she is now 71 years.
The collection Saturday I was shocked: at 10am, I peeked through the window and Sue was sitting at the breakfast table staring blankly at a wall - the other old lady at the table was asleep. Sue's hair was dirty and in rats-tails - if it was washed once in the 7 days I would be surprised.. She smelled, not surprising as I had sent 12 pairs of knickers and only 4 dirty pairs were in her laundry bag (I had opted to take all laundry home to avoid loss) - 2 of those pairs were covered in poo (she has occasional poo accidents - maybe once every two weeks). I had send a good supply of pads, but again not enough were missing to have had a clean one daily. Worryingly, her meds (in Nomad pack) had not been given on one night - and they home did not even have the nous to see that and remove them before giving me back the pack!
Worse: Sue was like a zombie - and it has taken me 2 weeks really to get her back to a state similar to that which she was in before she went, i.e. I do as much as I need to for her - showering, washing etc, but she likes to help- herself dress with me me assisting, and she'll peel some veg if I'm not too fussy. She is outgoing and is normally smiley even if she hasn't a clue who we are seeing - she scowled for about three days...
Now I'm not daft (yet!), and do realise that a good deal of this is probably down to disorientation which is a big problem and why we mostly stay at home and don't travel much any more. But am concerned that she did not get enough / any interaction or stimulation. Our Carer visited twice and daughter once and on no occasion did they observe any activity taking place - despite the impressive board in the foyer which listed all sorts of daily activities. They both found Sue very "switched off". On the Thursday daughter mentioned about Sue's hair but was told she had missed the hairdresser for that week. The manager was off sick, but that may account for something - but surely there should be contingencies?
When I picked Sue up, the very junior worker who eased us off the premises asap, ramming all Sue's clothes into her bag including her outdoor coat (it was in that freezing weather!), said upon my enquiry: How has she been? - "O she's been no trouble at all."
It has now been two weeks back home - no-one has rung to check all well and satisfactory. I imminently expect the Bill for £700.
Questions: Should there be a Care Record for Sue? Would that detail her personal care / meds / activities / eating? Can I ask for that? Better to ask now than after the Bill comes? Should I talk / complain to the CQC - their last inspection was over a year ago and managers have changed? Should I complain to the Home and withhold part payment?
I'm very upset with this experience and will not do it again in a hurry. But I do get exhausted (don't we all?) with the incessant caring-demands from morn till night - and sometimes in the night too (though thats better with new meds).
I'm sure many of you have made better choices than me - and maybe the fact that this home could offer respite so readily was a sign it could not fill its beds - but I would really value hearing if any of you have had similar experiences.
B....y Alzheimers!
Christmas Blessings to all.
Frank
I feel a bit of a heel coming on the Forum when I have not posted for ages - only excuse is that wife Sue has gone down hill of late - and had some very chaotic weeks and nights which left me exhausted... plus my ipad and laptop packed up! Anyway..
My kids (2 live abroad and the other 30 miles away) and our carer felt I was getting in such a state a week of respite was indicated. Social Services came round - the lovely lady agreed and gave me the Hants Rate for a week to arrange a week for Sue.
Due diligence - I trawled the net, read the CQC reports - rang countless Homes most of which seemed to have given up on respite because of tight profit margins. Then I found one - 30 minutes from home. Ticked the CQC boxes - a few good references - visited, and although a bit tatty the Manager seemed a good sort and answered my prepared questions OK. So I went for it and took Sue in for lunch a couple of days before taking her on a Saturday for a week. I handed over the excellent Altz Socs "This is Me" leaflet plus a load of info re Morning and Nigh Routines: Washing Routines : Food preferences etc.
I had a reasonable but tearful week at an old friends, though most of my brain was back home...
Sue has moderate to severe AD, little speech and communication though responds to stimulation. She also seems happy to look nice - which she always has. She was formally diagnosed 2010 but signs present since 2006 - she is now 71 years.
The collection Saturday I was shocked: at 10am, I peeked through the window and Sue was sitting at the breakfast table staring blankly at a wall - the other old lady at the table was asleep. Sue's hair was dirty and in rats-tails - if it was washed once in the 7 days I would be surprised.. She smelled, not surprising as I had sent 12 pairs of knickers and only 4 dirty pairs were in her laundry bag (I had opted to take all laundry home to avoid loss) - 2 of those pairs were covered in poo (she has occasional poo accidents - maybe once every two weeks). I had send a good supply of pads, but again not enough were missing to have had a clean one daily. Worryingly, her meds (in Nomad pack) had not been given on one night - and they home did not even have the nous to see that and remove them before giving me back the pack!
Worse: Sue was like a zombie - and it has taken me 2 weeks really to get her back to a state similar to that which she was in before she went, i.e. I do as much as I need to for her - showering, washing etc, but she likes to help- herself dress with me me assisting, and she'll peel some veg if I'm not too fussy. She is outgoing and is normally smiley even if she hasn't a clue who we are seeing - she scowled for about three days...
Now I'm not daft (yet!), and do realise that a good deal of this is probably down to disorientation which is a big problem and why we mostly stay at home and don't travel much any more. But am concerned that she did not get enough / any interaction or stimulation. Our Carer visited twice and daughter once and on no occasion did they observe any activity taking place - despite the impressive board in the foyer which listed all sorts of daily activities. They both found Sue very "switched off". On the Thursday daughter mentioned about Sue's hair but was told she had missed the hairdresser for that week. The manager was off sick, but that may account for something - but surely there should be contingencies?
When I picked Sue up, the very junior worker who eased us off the premises asap, ramming all Sue's clothes into her bag including her outdoor coat (it was in that freezing weather!), said upon my enquiry: How has she been? - "O she's been no trouble at all."
It has now been two weeks back home - no-one has rung to check all well and satisfactory. I imminently expect the Bill for £700.
Questions: Should there be a Care Record for Sue? Would that detail her personal care / meds / activities / eating? Can I ask for that? Better to ask now than after the Bill comes? Should I talk / complain to the CQC - their last inspection was over a year ago and managers have changed? Should I complain to the Home and withhold part payment?
I'm very upset with this experience and will not do it again in a hurry. But I do get exhausted (don't we all?) with the incessant caring-demands from morn till night - and sometimes in the night too (though thats better with new meds).
I'm sure many of you have made better choices than me - and maybe the fact that this home could offer respite so readily was a sign it could not fill its beds - but I would really value hearing if any of you have had similar experiences.
B....y Alzheimers!
Christmas Blessings to all.
Frank